Saturday, February 14, 2009
Unlucky Valentine (PICS)
A few samples from my Friday the 13th / Valentine's Day gallery:
Am I superstitious about black cats and Friday the 13th and all of that? No. If I am, it's in the opposite way -- my rational mind rejects those superstitions and my personality seems to overcompensate by becoming GIDDY over the prospect of walking under ladders and attaching positive meaning to supposedly unlucky days/events/portents of doom. So yeah . . . I'm irrationally attached to those things that superstitious people consider unlucky.
I'm happy to be home again after being gone for four. We didn't get much shooting done, but the trip and time we took was worth it not just for the pictures, but the time to ourselves, off cam. We haven't spent a night away from work (aka home) together since . . . well, since well before September. I don't think this trip totally counted as a vacation, but it was a reminder that we should try taking one every so often (I know, it seems like I'm always saying that and never fully committing to doing it).
We also spent a few hours on Friday visiting my mom including eating at Ken's Truck Town (yes, we like eating at truck stops; why did they take the Monte Cristo off the menu?) and visiting the new casino
. I was surprised she wanted to check it out since my stepdad had a serious gambling problem and my mom was initially vehemently opposed to that casino opening (not because she's still with him -- she's not -- but having lived with someone with a gambling addiction she's not into casinos at all). We all stood around like we were in a foreign country trying to decide what to do with the $3.75 I'd split between the three of us to put in the slot machines. I'd have blown more money there (I consider it a donation/reparations . . . AND mindless fun) but neither my mom nor Delia
were interested once we lost the $21 we won.
We don't have any special plans for tonight. Tomorrow and Monday (President's Day) we've got webcam shows and chat scheduled so I think we'll just do a little work and relax this evening. Delia picked up a chile-flavored dark chocolate bar for us to share.
Labels: addiction, food, legwarmers, mundane, natural boobs, Pacific Northwest, PHOTOS, Seattle, work
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Pigtails & Pajamas (PICS)
After the gloomy pictures and tone of this post
I'm overdue posting something cheerful that reflects how I'm feeling A BILLION TIMES BETTER, so here are some happy pictures from a recent members-only gallery
and an update on what's going on in my body and head.
It's hard for me to describe how profoundly different/healed I felt within a week of starting to treat my hormone problems. I can only compare it to what born again Christians feel like. Seriously. Only I feel like I just established a close personal relationship with NORMALCY rather than with Jesus. And now I am wondering how the fuck I was even getting out of bed at all, because I was really REALLY sick.
A lot of stuff that I was experiencing I couldn't even verbalize without sounding totally crazy and was effecting me on every level you can possibly think of: mentally, spiritually, physically, socially, sexually, etc. My muscles, joints, head, eyes, guts, boobs, feet, jaw, ears HURT and weren't working right. Pretty much everything was causing me pain and fatigue, from the sound of people's voices to the loud conversations being held in my head to the TORTURE of dropping something and having to go through the agonizing, soul-sucking motion of bending over to pick it up. I thought I was being a hypochondriac to worry that I had lupus or something horrifying going on. All I wanted to do was work and be happy and do the millions of things I want to do, so I tried to exercise more, to cut back on things that were especially tiring (which got to the point of being EVERYTHING except the bare minimum -- I haven't been seeing my family, friends, or doing anything except trying to survive). The slightest annoyances were sending me into paroxysms of mean-spirited anguish. If you think I was complaining a lot about headaches and stuff, you don't know the tenth of it. I actually didn't even want to recognize how incredibly bad it was.
But then last week I started to feel INCREDIBLY GOOD. Like I looked in the mirror and didn't see death warmed over staring back at me -- oh yeah, THAT'S what I look like without a sickly pallor and giant, deep, dark circles rimming my eyes! Like, getting out of bed in the morning IS EASY and something to celebrate instead of something that caused me physical pain. I'm not exaggerating, I had been feeling PAIN reverberating through every fiber of my being. I thought it was just me being not-a-morning-person, "sensitive", etc. but as it turns out? FUCK NO. The first three days of feeling awesome last week are my new standard for how I should feel 99% of the time and I'm not going to accept anything less ever again.
Here are the supplements I started taking:
*Evening Primrose Oil
*birth control (chick hormones)
*potassium (in grapefruit juice, etc.)
*awesome Vitamin B complex
and changes I made:
*maintaining a stable blood sugar level (not letting myself get hungry, eating way less simple carbs/sugars)
*continuing to use tools & learn more for anger management, concentration, calm, etc.
*continuing to make 8-9 hours of sleep per night my goal
A lot of these are things I've done before that yielded positive results, but I never did them consistently or all at the same time or appreciated the importance of spending the money to stay stocked up on all of the vitamins or understood the big picture of how they were helping me. I still don't have a thorough grasp of that, but getting as totally fucked up as I was forced me to do a lot of research and over the years a lot of people and circumstances have handed me clues. Like not being able to get pregnant and slowly finding out a whole bunch of possible reasons why not. Like having people tell me over and over and over again to have my thyroid tested. Like having almost no stressors in my life and often doing everything right and trying my fucking hardest and still feeling WORSE instead of better. Like having some really great health care providers in my life and then having to deal with one who was really bad. Like THE INTERNET being an imperfect but still fucking fabulous resources. Like having a trans partner and thinking more about hormones, identity, and the nuances of gender. Like having people tell me I have too much testosterone. Like having my hair stylist tell me I had an unnatural amount of HAIR FALLING OUT OF MY HEAD (ahhh, so it WASN'T my imagination that was noticing my part widening in pictures and on the webcam I have staring down at the top of my head).
I really am sorry for how impatient I've been, how easily agitated I've been, and for how little time I've had for people and issues and projects I care about. Mostly I'm sad that Delia
had to live with someone so unpredictable and "touchy". But I'm really happy for us now that we are both getting ourselves sorted out.
I think this year (or at least the next six months) are going to be a time of simply catching up on time I/we've lost personally and financially/professionally. I know I've made a lot of posts in the past couple of years about ways I was reorganizing and reprioritizing things, and while many of them were necessary, very few of them were productive or successful because of what I now realize was a significant health problem. I am going to be patient with myself and try to enjoy simply feel good. REALLY good.
I'm not saying my life has been nonstop misery because that's not true at all -- hormones are shifty fuckers so there've been lots of highs and lows and near-normalcy, but I've likely been suffering from this for most of my post-adolescent life to one degree or another judging from how rarely I ovulated on time or at all; most people would say "judging from how rarely my period was on time", but I now refuse to refer to on-time periods as the sensible indicator of health when it totally ignores that timely menstruation is reliant on timely ovulation. It's not that I think ovulation is some holy fucking grail or that every woman should strive for FERTILITY, I just think there's so much MISSING from (and deceptive about) our language for talking about how our bodies function and how to identify problems and heal them. And you know how women who understand their clits and their g-spots and the rest of their bodies and how they work and where those parts live CAN MAKE THEM OPERATE BETTER and experience more pleasure? I don't think the rest of our anatomy and functionality is any different. If I understand that high blood sugar and cortisol and stress and testosterone and estrogen suppression and ovulation and concentration and happiness are all linked up and I can visualize those things and better know how to achieve stability there, then I am going to be a happier, better-functioning person.
Personally I'm excited about the discoveries I'm making about myself and feel so fired up about so many things I'm back to my "normal" scatterbrained whirlwind of divided attention (and haven't been taking Ritalin since I started my little regimen above). I'm also really angry and thinking a lot about how most health care providers are totally incompetent and uncaring when it comes to endocrinology (unless it has to do with diabetes) and SUPER COMMON hormone problems. I believe to my core that misogyny is the root of the ignorance and lack of care; people believe and want women to age a certain way, to become dried-up shrews. They believe we'll complain about anything and are still mostly just hysterical, crazy bitches and that our problems are all psychological. Everyone thinks it's so "advanced" to treat depression and anxiety as real stand-alone illnesses now that we can throw fucked-up, addictive drugs at when so much depression and anxiety and other mental illness are probably caused by hormonal problems that don't always originate with (or aren't limited to) poor brain chemistry or treated best just by addressing them. I'm certainly not suggesting we all go Tom-Cruise-Vitamin-Crazy, I'm just saying that health care professionals aren't even bothering to test for or treat underlying hormone imbalances, and most people like it that way. It makes a lot of women sicker, not healthier. Just to give you an example, this doctor I went to was ready to put me on anti-depressants, didn't believe me when I told her I knew the birth control itself would help a lot, and refused to test my thyroid (the most common "thyroid" test done is for TSH -- thyroid stimulating hormone -- and it doesn't really test your thyroid gland, it tests your pituitary gland AND the results are months old by the time it reaches your blood). You have to wonder how this woman thinks that anti-depressants are going to cure me of hair loss, weight gain, constipation, lethargy, etc. when you know it will make most of those symptoms WORSE. To her I was just a crazy, miserable bitch demanding a "complicated" explanation for what seemed obvious to her: THAT I'M SIMPLY A CRAZY MISERABLE BITCH.
If we removed the stigma and value judgment from the statement "she's got hormone problems" we'd lose one of our most precious and reliable punch lines. So many women would feel so much better the world would be turned upside-fucking down. It probably wouldn't be very good for the sex industry, I imagine, if more middle-aged women felt like a million bucks. Or maybe it would . . . . My sister, a nurse, said she thinks endocrinology is too nuanced for traditional western medicine to deal with and that it's not a "sexy" field like surgery. I think it's the opposite. It's the sexiest field of all. It IS the source of what we think of as sex and gender and for us to really understand it and the role it plays in our lives and how it is the foundation for so much of our identities would pose such a threat to the status quo and to the people we rely upon to make the rest of us feel normal by comparison that it's just a giant taboo. In generations to come I think it's transgender and people who defy gender stereotypes and limitations who will force the medical community and other people to understand endocrinology a whole lot better and how hormones can be manipulated to help us lead our best, most authentic and healthiest lives.
Anyway, long post short, I was feeling pretty bad. And now I feel really great. And that makes me really happy. I'm fueling up now for good things to come.
Labels: dildo, health, hormones, identity, migraines, natural boobs, PHOTOS, pop culture, PORNOGRAPHY, rants, thanksgiving
Thursday, January 15, 2009
New Red Hair, Same Big Boobs
I decided to experiment with having auburn hair & a tiny bit of blonde foiled into my brunette. It's not really as bright as it looks in the picture, but it's still remarkably different from what I usually ask for. Brunette still trumps all, though, so I'll be going darker/less red again next time around though I'll definitely trust my new hair girl to do whatever she thinks is best (which she says is another foil adding in low lights of mahogany).
I do think the auburn suits me a lot better than blonde ever did and looks better with my skin, but it still doesn't feel like "me" the way dark brown does or even blonde did at times or the way I imagine silver/grey will in the future.
In other boring facelift blabbering, I shaved off my armpit hair and the pubes on my thighs and labia, and I'm in the process of picking out some new eyeglass frames; it's tough, because there are a lot of them I like and I would love to wear glasses more often (the ones I have now are an old prescription so I don't see perfectly with them). To make choosing easier, I'm fairly limited in options because of the strength/thickness of my lenses. No wire frames, squared-off or open-bottomed styles for near-sighted, astigmatic Trixie.
That's all I have time to blog about right now; I've got period cramps and a lot of stuff to do (editing photos and videos we shot this week and building promos that NEED to be done asap) before the weekend when we have shows and chat scheduled. I'd also really like to take some time out to go see a movie.
Labels: boobs, dildo, hair, mundane, natural boobs, PHOTOS, style, work
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Hard and Soft (PICS)
My mom passed her DNA for knockers down to me and also taught my sister and I how to deal with the problem of having one nipple/areolar complex erect and bumpy with the other one soft:
One time as we were about to leave a public restroom my mom noticed she had one stiff nipple and paused before exiting to stimulate the other one over her shirt so they would match. She did try to get bras and shirts that would prevent them from being super obvious, but when those failed to do the trick (you'd need armor to guarantee 100% no-poke-through) she felt compelled to make both of them stick out if one was being stubborn anyway. Nipples do get hard sometimes when you pee so . . . yeah. I hadn't just peed in the photo above, but I'd given one boob more attention and didn't realize how obvious it would wind up being in the picture. Clearly I am not as conscious of these things as my mom is. Or maybe I'm just not as sensitive? Hmmm . . . well, there's some suggestive kinkiness for the portion of my audience with a special interest in big boobs, nipples, and . . . other things.
I would love to stay up and finish editing this set of photos for members, but it will be better if I get back in bed and disconnect. PMS is in full effect and I woke up an hour too soon. I got a late start this week when I got a headache Monday and spent Tuesday recovering and trying to prevent more headaching. Now the hormones are kicking my ass and making me act/feel like a monster so I'm going to call the amount of work I did today "good" and say goodnight. Tomorrow members can see the rest of the curves and long socks and a sparkly dildo and furry beaver and underarms (not to be hairy much longer, though I'm sure I'll grow it back out again in the future, but that's why we shot this set in black and white: to really show off my bush).
Labels: body hair, boobs, hormones, long socks, natural boobs, PHOTOS, PORNOGRAPHY, work
Sunday, November 02, 2008
While I let bigger (and possibly better) blog entries stew, here are a couple of images that might fall into the "bigger" and "better" categories:
In my last post
I mentioned experiencing some bumpy emotions as I struggled to adjust my priorities and let go and cut back, at least temporarily, some stuff; in the days since that post I've emotionally adjusted, too. I now feel very content and optimistic about my new focus and happy to release myself of certain self-imposed obligations.
I'm being annoyingly vague, I know, but I just want to share that I feel happy and hopeful about my person(al life), relationships, business . . . where I'm/we're at and where I'm/we're going. It feels boringly repetitive to blog about them ("hasn't Trixie said this a million times in the past seven years?"
), but periodic realignments are necessary in life; sometimes the adjustment process is stressfully turbulent (even when the changes are positive, like when the person you love stops drinking or when you're forced to recognize -- AGAIN -- that you aren't superhuman after forgetting since the LAST time you were faced with that conclusion) but once you get used to it a whole new field of possibilities emerges and there's . . . relief. And joy. And after some rest? New good things. More awesome. Progress made. Love shared. Delicious sappiness.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that things are good here!
Labels: boobs, drugs, goals, mundane, natural boobs, PHOTOS, politics, priorities
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Ham 'n Legs
A couple of samples from the gallery I just posted for members:
I don't think I'd feel like I need to lose fifteen pounds if we could afford for me to specialize in long line girdles and corsets.
Speaking of what we can/can't afford, I know that I need to cut some obligations out in order to have time to really tweak and market our sites appropriately. For some reason I'm having a really difficult time deciding which things I need to stop doing, at least temporarily. I've been freaking out a lot and feeling anxious/overwhelmed. I don't think my priorities are set in a way that's effective and it's hard for me to rearrange them and then accept that the things at the bottom will have to be trimmed off. I am trying to do it all (and have been for too many years) and it's just not working. I'm sucking at everything and not really focusing my best efforts on the things I'm actually GOOD at and the things that make the most money.
It's hard for me to let go.
One of the things I realized this month (besides that we NEED to take days off) is that we will have to 1) limit the number of miles we drive/trips we take each month and/or in rapid succession and 2) make sure visiting family doesn't get sidelined in that equation in favor of work or friends. It's not because of fuel costs, it's because we live so far away from everyone that the HOURS spent in the car NOT working (except to fuck up my back/body) cost too much, plus it breaks my heart going for such long stretches without seeing my nephew. I also had a major meltdown awhile back with extreme guilt over neglecting to visit my grandma in over a year. Long story short, I'm stressed out and tossing ideas around in my head to reduce that stress.
Eventually I am going to have to learn how to forgive myself for not being able to do everything, and allow myself to succeed working from a shorter/different to-do list.
Labels: boobs, boundaries, family, fetishes, goals, mundane, natural boobs, PHOTOS, priorities, travel, values, work
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Over the weekend we were blessed by a visit from AmberLily
and her husband. It was a working visit, meaning we weren't getting together *just* to socialize, but mainly to shoot a bunch of pics for her site. Delia and I looked forward to doing this knowing it would feel totally awesome to get a lot of work done without actually having to be in front of the camera ourselves the way we are when we shoot each other. Instead we got to totally devote ourselves to behind-the-camera work which is really so much easier with two people not just to actually TAKE the pictures, but to set up lights, move/clean stuff, etc. It was a good experiment to find out how productive we can be when a bunch of roles/tasks are subtracted from our routine.
I don't want to ruin the surprise of her cute outfits too much for her members, so here are some samples that won't reveal all of her sexy and whimsical ensembles:
I totally hogged the camera the whole time which was fun for ME, but by the end of the night a lot of the pics I snapped were totally fucked: poorly framed, blurry, etc. It's very physical work, both modeling for pictures and taking them; my "muscles" were totally sore the next day, but that didn't stop me from TRYING to get BigD to pose for me
I *achingly yearn* for more resources (aka money) to be able to shoot with friends in nicer places for longer periods of time without such a limited schedule and the same boring house we've been living in for years. It boggles my mind to think of how much hot porno we could make if we weren't bound by, you know, huge debt and stuff. Until that day comes, however, we're doing a pretty good job with the time and other resources we DO have. If we could do all that we did in five hours, I wonder what we could do with a week or two in more inspiring and spacious locations? You can scoff at the necessity of those things when it comes to porn, but if you do then you've no idea how hard it is to frame thousands of photos to look reasonably special/different so that you don't include a mess, carpet stain, wires, light stands, and other distracting crap that your subject (and her hot HOT pussy) is squeezed between.
Labels: friends, natural boobs, photography, PHOTOS, webwhore insights, work
Sunday, September 14, 2008
A few photos from my most recent members-only
gallery (which I think is totally charming, by the way, and I don't say that about ALL of my pictures):
I was pretty proud of our efforts in getting up early to shoot outside before the light got all freaky. Mostly I'm posting these pics though so you'll have visual reassurance that I'm not having a nervous breakdown or anything. I'm so happy just to have boobs!Somewhere between this entry and the one before it is the truth.
Labels: boobs, natural boobs, nature, nudity, Pacific Northwest, PHOTOS, PORNOGRAPHY, short skirts
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Last night I posted the first set of pics from the room with purple walls; here are a couple of my favorites:Members CLICK HERE for gallery. | non-members: JOIN HERE for access.
Today's show day; I did anal (always a hit) during my first show then Delia
and I had a long, relaxed, pleasurable sex session on our spycams. Now she's about to do a show then I have another one tonight. It's funny how sometimes doing webcam shows makes me not want to do anything else sexual that day, and other times it totally charges me up. Today was one of those days where the show definitely augmented my non-show sex drive.
As I've mentioned before, I do a poor job of rewarding or even acknowledging myself when I've met goals or done a good job on something; I tend to want to just go on to the next thing. It's not that I'm never proud of myself, it's just that I don't really soak the feeling up long enough. The other day I decided to do something about that to start the new month off properly; I made a list of my accomplishments for July and progress I made on certain monthly goals. While we only met our sales goals five days out of the whole month, I got confirmation that my only derogatory item on my credit report was removed after I contested it in June. I also have a new goal to blog at least fifteen times a month and managed to exceed that with twenty-two blog entries (spread over a number of blogs, not just this one) and four vlogs for members. We also exceeded our goals for shooting content.
We also have a goal to take four days off (REALLY completely off, the whole day) per month. That's one that we didn't achieve in July, but whatever. You can't accomplish everything, right? Even if it's scheduling leisure time. I also failed to have four hardcore email catchup days (or really to respond to much email at all).
The cool thing about going through this ritual of accomplishment-listing is it's also an opportunity to remind myself what my goals are. Not that I want this month to go by quickly, but I'm looking forward to going through this process again when September hits us.
Labels: accomplishments, arousal, boobs, natural boobs, PHOTOS, PORNOGRAPHY, SEX, webcam shows, work
Sunday, July 06, 2008
In My Everyday Clothes
On my simple softcore porn photo shoot to-do list I've resolved to wear more REAL clothes. You know, stuff that can be (and is) worn in public: no stripper shoes, no Leg Avenue costumes, no fishnets.
I just posted this gallery last night with me wearing a bunch of things I love: my all-time favorite hoody with embroidered black flowers (I've been wearing that thing for about eight years), a t-shirt my sister loaned me the last time we went to the spa, a knit cap that actually belongs to Delia
's ex-wife but has lived with us for years. I wore the pants
in another shoot
, but I love them so much and they're even softer now than they were then. They totally represent love to me because my sister bought them for me when she was out shopping. Buying pants for people is hard! I would never risk buying anyone a pair of pants, not even my sister, but she clothed me in soft, cozy legwear.
This picture here makes me want to do a Rosie the Riveter style shoot (won't be any time soon though -- we don't have the time or money to pull off something that good/important to me right now, not to mention I need bigger muscles):
Anyway, I really love this set of pictures -- I think they're adorable and I look palpably fleshy and real.
If you're curious how my insemination went, it wasn't so bad
This week I've got a lot of chat sessions scheduled for any members who want a chance to talk to me. I'm actually in our chatroom right now . . . alone. Which is why I was able to make this post! Think how easy it could be for you to have an awkward one-on-one conversation with me by becoming a member
. You could be moving your moist hands back and forth from your genitals to the keyboard while you talk to me about music and toggle back and forth between the chatroom, my desk cam, and these photos without being able to explain the appeal because I totally don't even look sexy, at least not in a mainstream media or porno way.
Labels: beauty standards, body image, chat, natural boobs, Pacific Northwest, PHOTOS, PORNOGRAPHY, things I treasure, trying to conceive
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Boobs, Butt & Cock
Here are a couple photos from the new galleries I'm posting tonight for my members
I can't say they're the best galleries I've ever posted, but they have a few redeeming qualities. I also posted the third gallery in a series of snapshots from my non-porn life ranging from my late teens through my married year
. People really enjoy seeing candid photos and I really enjoy sharing them, so it's been a fun little project that adds a lot of perspective. Only one person has admitted to jacking off to the teenage pictures, though. He confessed it thrilled him to know that I was "in tact" at the time the photograph was taken. Bwahahaha! Naughty!!
Anyway, you can JOIN
if you're not a member yet but want to see the pics. Otherwise here's another (in)Fertile Trixie post
about post-orgasm cramps and our two week wait.
If you were spying on me earlier and saw me crying, that happened because I was looking at pictures of my devastatingly beautiful and amazingly cute almost-two year-old nephew and listening to a song called "Miles From The Lightning"
by Jeffrey Foucault
I feel the need to pray, weep and laugh myself into exhaustion.
Labels: natural boobs, PHOTOS
Sunday, May 04, 2008
On the Ball
The other day I solicited feedback from any members who *want* to see me gain weight or enjoy the weight I've gained. This is, of course, a dangerous thing to do since some people fetishize weight gain to an unhealthy degree and the last thing I need, I suppose, is encouragement to gain more weight. I suppose.
Anyway, I did get this one fun-to-read comment (which I've abbreviated here):
. . . . the reason I joined first was because I thought/sensed you had the 'frame' to gain weight...or more accurately, the width of your hips gave you the kind of body type I love to see fill out. With that body type, the ass and thighs really expand. And so it is w/ you. . . . Big thick ass, full thighs, fuller belly, etc...when a woman can own this and really rock it, it's just so sexy. I would LOVE to see you facesitting, that's a natural for any woman who is gaining weight and accepts the sexual eroticism of her either large or growing ass. I would love to see you riding reverse cowgirl, so again we can see your full thick ass from behind as you ride - either a face or cock, whatever. Seeing you squat, totally sxe. I could go on and on and have wanted to voice this to you for some time....so since you offered an open invitation to us on this issue today, I'm jumping at the chance. And, yes, seeing you gain weight turns me on...knowing you have this love/hate w/ it turns me on....knowing you're reading this and thinking how it might even have the smallest impact on your thoughts or feelings, turns me on.
Ahhhh, delightful. I only wish I *did* gain more weight in my rear; unfortunately a disproportionate amount of it goes to my belly and chins/neck. In fact, I calculated my waist-to-hip ratio here
and it's definitely over the .8 threshold. Still, my butt and thighs are definitely bigger than they used to be so that is, in many ways, a dream come true. It would be good if I did more exercise to build bigger butt muscles; I saw a marked improvement when I was going to the gym and using the elliptical on certain settings. For those of you who don't believe I've gained a potentially unhealthy amount of weight or think I'm exaggerating my belly size, check this out. The balance ball picture is newest, but they all show where the bulk of my fat is stored. Note: I'm not done building that little niche site, but it will have my chubbiest pictures, some of which I've not posted on my main site. It's a learning experience and therapeutic little project of mine.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback, anonymous commenter, and I hope you enjoy the latest gallery of me sitting on a big balance ball; the video will be even plumper and juicier!Members CLICK HERE for gallery. | non-members: JOIN HERE for access.
Labels: beauty standards, body image, health, natural boobs, nudity, PHOTOS
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Here's an image to preview from the gallery I'm posting today for members
I *love* this gallery; people might think it's just a belated Halloween thing, but it's not at all -- it's, like, a METAPHOR man! For, like, so much heavy stuff, dude! And the video? Oh so kinky. Delia had a hard time even looking at me, I was creeping her out so much.
Anyway, I've got a show to do in a couple of hours so I'm going to eat some breakfast and get all dolled up, if you know what I mean.
Labels: natural boobs, PHOTOS, PORNOGRAPHY
Saturday, October 06, 2007
A few of my favorite photos from my "2000 Calorie Bush" gallery inspired by something Sarah Silverman said about mascara:Note: though I've been posting quite a few black and white images here, the vast majority of photos on our sites are in color.
Sometime today or tonight I'll post a video that goes along with these photos for members. First I have to capture the video, edit it, and upload it which will be a good set of tasks for me since my brain is frighteningly scattered and overwhelmed so far today. Wish it luck.
Being off the pill makes my attention deficit disorder worse. It also makes me CRAZY HORNY. I started a masturbation log in my members-only blog
to keep track of my masturbation habits and what kind of porn and toys I sometimes use to fuel my sessions. Even as I wrote that line, I got excited and now I feel really annoyingly tense and achy below the waist. It's absolutely ridiculous and drives me up a fucking wall.
This blog entry would have been longer, but I have to go masturbate now. And when I say, "have to", I really REALLY mean it.
Labels: body hair, hormones, masturbation, natural boobs, nudity, PHOTOS
Monday, September 03, 2007
TITTY-WATCHING HEAVENThe heavenly spa
was BUSY on Thursday and I had at least three unaccompanied hours to myself to simply gaze at the naked babes, ranging in age from eighteen to eighty, as they roamed from one vat of water to others.
So many, MANY boobies. All so exquisitely perfect and naturally crafted. All different nipple colors, shapes, sizes, and degrees of firmness and size. Every time I thought I'd spotted the perfect pair, a new set would quiver into view and I could barely contain my amazement and deep appreciation for the artistry of the human body, particularly in the chest area of females (though there were buttloads of beautiful ass and thigh that made it hard for me to keep myself from quaking and speaking in tongues of worship).
The most amazing rack I saw was on the oldest woman there. Her rear end was shot all to hell, as you'd expect on an elderly woman: atrophied, dimpled, etc. The rest of her body was regular, though, and her big-ass titties? THEY WERE THE BREASTS OF A HEALTHY WELL-PRESERVED 40 YEAR OLD. I swear to God, I'd have swapped knockers with her -- they were NICE. And no, they were absolutely not fake; they definitely hung fairly low, but they still seemed plump and defiantly youthful.
Anyway, you just don't see that kind of overwhelmingly delicious VARIETY of body types and differently-goddess-like attributes in any place at one time. Unless you're a chick at the spa. I hope they don't ban me for saying this, but it's like a STEAL getting an all day pass to to stare at that for only thirty bucks!!!
Labels: body parts, natural boobs, nudity, TURN ONS
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Stage Names & Tidbits
STAGE NAMES & TIDBITS
Yesterday I accidentally spoke my legal name (first AND last) aloud over our spycams when I forgot to turn the audio off before making a phone call. Fittingly, the phone call was to our cable company in hopes of fattening our internet pipe so that we can broadcast MORE spycams, faster (so people can overhear even more of the goings-on in our house).
FYI: though I'm not super-uptight about a few voyeurs knowing my legal names, it's not an invitation for people who know me as Trixie to address me as anything other
than Trixie (or "Trix" OR even "stupid ugly cunthole" - even that would be preferable to people puncturing my webwhore bubble by assuming a level of familiarity I've not expressly solicited). There are actually quite a few members, past and present, who know my "real" name, and they've done a great job of earning my trust by respecting that Trixie is my chosen name for my webwhore-related interactions.
Having said that, there *have* been a couple of times where people used my birth name online to put me in an uncomfortable place trying to show me that they knew something they weren't supposed to. It was like they wanted me to know I couldn't get away with "fooling" them. Also, there have been people who are hell-bent on knowing my "real" name, repeatedly trying to drag it out of me; anyone who seems to think he NEEDS to know my birth name is someone I don't want to have that information. For one thing, "Trixie" is just as real a name to me as the one my parents gave me because I gave mySELF this name. I really detest anyone who acts like the name I gave myself is inherently fake or phony. Plus, someone who doggedly refuses to acknowledge the importance of having a stage name just for privacy's sake in this industry is someone I don't want to deal with -- they are the people who give whores good reason to protect their identities and keep them separate from their family lives.
Someone trying to convince me to tell him my real name once tried to appeal to my sense of fairness by saying, "but if I join your site, then you'll know *MY* name and personal information so I should know yours, too!" Wow -- and by his logic, when he joins my site and gets to see and hear inside MY HOME, it would only be fair for me to see and hear inside HIS home. Using his rationale I would apparently be justified in using the name and address associated with his credit card to go to his house and spy on him and his family and maybe google his name to find out where he works since, after all, he gets to spy on ME while I am working, right?
Of course not. That way of thinking is ALL WRONG. Anyway, the product I sell isn't "fairness" -- it's FANTASY. Sure, I pride myself on offering a more authentic and less fictionalized version of the porn fantasy, but I don't enter into a reciprocal relationship with my customers. It's not like, "you show me your credit card, I'll show you mine." No, it's an exchange and I set the terms. If private information like my birth name were to be for sale, I would SELL it as such. For like, five million dollars since it would pretty much be a one-time deal because anyone who thinks that information is too juicy for me to deserve to keep it under wraps would probably post it all over the internet anyway and I wouldn't be able to sell that information again. And because I would want to make the point that YES, I DO think my private information is worth more than yours, and if you're hell bent on stalking me to get more out of me than I offer professionally, you owe me the kind of money that will afford bodyguards, a nice home security system and a really lovely arsenal.
It's not that I don't understand being curious and it's not that I think that kind of curiosity is pathologically dangerous -- it's not the curiosity that bothers me, it's the disrespect shown in trying to SATISFY that curiosity. In the example of the guy who thought that since I could look up his real name in my system that he should get to know mine, it's like he was trying to take me down a peg by getting me to say something like, "gosh, you're right! What, do I think I'm *better* than you? No, I'm just an untrustworthy whore trying to exploit you with my fake identity and shouldn't be trusted with your personal information without handing over an even more literal pound of flesh than the ones on display in my members-area. Who do I think I am, using my fraudulent porn persona to extract your personal information? Before you waste twenty dollars to see my life's work since 2002 I need to make sure we're even-Steven and I've been properly subjugated by your superior will." These guys with their sense of entitlement scare me, but not enough that I won't confirm their worst nightmare: YES, I NOT ONLY *THINK* I AM BETTER THAN YOU, I *KNOW* THAT I AM BETTER THAN YOU. How do I know? By your horribly ill-mannered invasiveness, that's how I know.
Oh, and I ALSO KNOW THAT THE VAST MAJORITY OF MY CUSTOMERS ARE BETTER THAN YOU, TOO, BECAUSE THEY DON'T PESTER ME IN THIS SOCIALLY RETARDED MANNER AND EVEN IF THEY DO KNOW SOME OF MY "SECRETS" THEY DON'T TRY TO RUB MY NOSE IN IT.T I D B I T S
*Good news: Nico (our dog) doesn't have a tumor; she had weed seeds that burrowed into her skin and became infected and swollen. Apparently this is a fairly common thing that happens to outside-dogs in the summer. The vet extracted the little buggers and prescribed some antibiotics, so all is well!
*Good news: I recently lost a few pounds. Bad news: I think I lost them off of my boobs. I guess that's what happens when you go off the pill.
*We bought a new printer last week and I still haven't had a chance to figure out where to put it or even just unpack it and smell it's new-machine smell. It's a photo printer, so maybe now we'll be able to sell 8x10's (there seems to be a niche demand for autographed 8x10's of webwhores, fyi).
Labels: body parts, customer relations, mundane, natural boobs, pets, privacy, spycams, stage names, voyeurism
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Big Wet Boobs: Always a Winner
BIG WET BOOBS: ALWAYS A WINNER
A few boob-oriented pics from my most recent gallery (with some hairy armpits thrown in for good measure):
Yes, I was having much fun:
More hair and wetness, this time lower:
My boobs, up close & bumpy:
Anyway, it's a pretty plump gallery with a total of 150 pics in the members-only area; perhaps later I'll show some samples of the more panty- and upskirt-oriented shots.
Lately I haven't been in the spycam chatroom as much as I used to be in the good old days. While I love certain things about spending time in there and hate neglecting it, I probably never would have spent that much time with the chatting if I hadn't initially been paid specifically to do it by the spycam site. As compelling as chat is, there is something equally compelling in a more voyeuristic way about NOT being so accessible. So right now? We have more voyeurcams and less chat and I like having that space cushion to be able to be more in my head and working on ways to increase access to what's in it in less direct ways than actual conversation.
Another voyeurism plus is my twitter
. I know you're probably sick of hearing me rave about it when it's such a mundane little tool, but I love this microblogging thing in part because it IS so voyeuristic. I love being able to know what people I like are doing, even (especially?) the mundane things, and I love being able to provide that extra layer of access to my own voyeurs. The basic message of "I'm alive, and I'm doing something" comforts me, both reading those messages from other people and sending that message myself to others. Of course, I don't take it to the irritating level of having my phone send off an alarm that someone tweeted, so I'm speaking here of enjoying it purely on the web level and intending others to read my tweets the same way.
Today we're going to try to shoot some more, plan our schedule and meals for next week, do grocery shopping, and (I hope) get some other work done. Boring little things like making ad banners and fixing the email text that is sent out to people who sign up to our sites (this chore is way more time consuming than you might imagine since a) there are join confirmation emails, cancellation emails, denial emails and expiration emails, b) all of those emails need to be updated FOR EACH SITE (DeliaCD, TastyTrixie, SpyOnUs, and TrixiesHouseboy), and c) the admin area for doing this is TOTALLY FUCKING CONFUSING; it feels like such a waste of my limited brain power).
We also really need to make plans for us to visit family soon. We haven't seen my mom, squishy nephew, sister and especially my grandma for way too long and both she and my sister have birthdays in August. On top of that, I might have jury duty next month, plus I would really like some space and alone-time to do some personal writing and maybe some piano playing. I also need to call our local friend to confirm participating in a burlesque performance. These are the things I have to save my scanty social and mental energies for rather than chat and email; I wish I had more of it to go around, but I don't. I feel guilty about it, but I know I shouldn't.
Labels: family, natural boobs, PHOTOS, technical, webwhore insights, wet t-shirt
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Dairy for the Lactose Intolerant
DAIRY FOR THE LACTOSE INTOLERANT
Full Gallery & video appearing now in my Members-Only.
Join TastyTrixie.com or SpyOnUs.com to see more of my big natural boobs.
I admit it: sometimes I'm mesmerized by images of my own breasts. I love the shapes, colors, and textures in this little screen grab from a video I posted today. It's a flattering image; they look pretty near perfect to me. Okay, I'm lying. They look totally fucking perfect to me as far as big ones go.
We just got home from a long day of shopping in preparation for a conference we're going to next week. It's for transgendered people and their significant others. I'm excited about it; I like structured events with classes and stuff, and I can't wait to find out how to refine my "identi-T". It's not a swingers' convention or a porn conference or any of that, though, so don't expect us to come home with any wild or crazy stories; in fact, we're both a little apprehensive about how we'll be perceived as a couple with porn sites. There's a distinct probability that a lot of people there will have issues with that or be suspicious of us because of it so we'll not be wearing t-shirts with our domain names printed on them, but our sites ARE part of our "identi-T's" so we're also not going to avoid talking about what we do.
Labels: announcements, body parts, gender issues, natural boobs, PHOTOS, shopping