My name is Trixie (aka TastyTrixie). The Wandering WebWhore is my personal blog. I'm a 30-something indie pornographer whose journal covers a variety of topics: mundane daily life, work-related reflection, sex stuff, current events, and more.
Last night one of our long-time voyeurs emailed me about how hot Lady Gaga is and how he can't stop watching her Poker Face video and oh yeah, did you know "she has a pussy and a cock"?
No, actually I didn't know that Lady Gaga has a pussy and a cock. And I assumed the guy who told me that had just taking those hideous YouTube comments too seriously (the ones that say "she's a man", "she's a nigger", "she's ugly", "she has no talent" and/or "she's an ugly talentless nigger man"). Note: I don't understand why these record companies WON'T allow you to embed their videos but they'll let any jackass post whatever horrifying, distorted, insulting, ignorant shit they want in comments.
So our fan emailed me back with a recent post on Gawker with a video showing what looks like a flaccid unit between her legs. And apparently she's confirmed the rumors herself. It seems pretty unlikely, but who really knows how many intersex people there are out there? Why would I assume she ISN'T? And on a related note, just because someone looks all-white, doesn't mean they ARE "all" white. Not that I'm defending people hurling racial slurs at someone because that's the worst they can come up with in their unimaginative racist minds to disparage a successful young woman (along with being ugly, being man-like, trannyish, or whatever) -- I'm not defending that, just pointing out that coming back at those slurs with, "nuh-uh! Like, obviously she's TOTALLY WHITE!!" might not be the best response to that stupidity.
Whatever the case may be, I have more interest in her than ever before after watching this video. I assumed it was just a fake weiner/publicity stunt, but she sounds totally serious in this quotation (which I can't help suspecting is fake, too - everyone's quoting it, but no one is citing an original media source):
ďItís not something that Iím ashamed of, just isnít something that I go around telling everyone,Ē she said. ďYes. I have both male and female genitalia, but I consider myself a female. Itís just a little bit of a penis and really doesnít interfere much with my life.
ďThe reason I havenít talked about it is that itís not a big deal to me. Like come on. Itís not like we all go around talking about our vags. I think this is a great opportunity to make other multiple gendered people feel more comfortable with their bodies. Iím sexy, Iím hot. I have both a poon and a peener. Big fucking deal.Ē
Of course, Delia has known all about this forever now, I guess, because she's always surfing the "tranny" boards but it was news to me. Still can't say I love her music, but after this and her most recent performance on American Idol which indicated she DOES actually have musical talent in addition to being a showman, I guess I have a mini-crush . . . and I hope that she is, in fact, a black hermaphrodite so I can celebrate her breaking boundaries for all the other discofried black hermaphrodites waiting in the wings.
She describes herself as an "eco-feminist-pagan-hippie sex-worker chick currently residing in a Nudist Colony in the last redneck outpost of South Florida". Loosely translated, that means most of my blog readers will dig her for at least one reason, if not more. Plus, she's FUCKING GORGEOUS. Like, a totally striking knockout. She reminds me of Emmanuelle Seigner and a girl I went to high school with (I know that means nothing to you, but the reminder of my gorgeous German friend with her cheshire cat grin is lovely to me).
She's also a fellow Niteflirt/phone sex operator and I squealed when she set up an appointment to "consult" with me on different possibilities for setting up spycams. After I got off the phone with her I watched her free Masturbation Impossible video (wankers: you will not make it through the portions where she carefully wobbles down the stairs wearing her rollerblades and smiles mischievously - SUPER HOT).
Right now Libby Lynn's describing herself as an art student and porn cashier and it's just a MAJOR OVERSIGHT on my part, me not adding her to my blog links before this. I think I thought she was already in there. From her I get a depth and breadth of inspiration/relation(? if that's the right word)/variety that I don't get from most other blogs and online contacts.
I sort of don't know how to describe the connection I feel when I read her, but as far as you go in deciding whether or not to dig into her posts and flickr and twitter and stuff, I think she'll appeal to smart voyeuristic types who like meaty posts and porn and art or are working on the process of their own selves/work/art.
I also updated my link to Mia who is now blogging at MiavonDoom.com, my online buddy from way back and a multimedia POWERHOUSE.
I just added Oasis' blog to my links and wanted to point her out to you. If you're interested in knowing all of the groundbreakers in internet porn -- people who had amateur sex sites before there were role models for such things -- read her blog because Oasis is one of a small handful of them.
She's one of those legendary people in *my* circle of do-it-yourself porn people, and has a hands-on, hardcore approach of swinging, fucking fans, flashing, gang bangs, interracial and party girl antics.
I don't know much about her (yet) except that she's doing sex work in Australia. I was introduced to her recently through tweets linking to this post she made -- It's You I'm Afraid Of -- that made me cry because so many parts of it rang so true for me, especially since I've been trying for the past few months to reconnect with family and friends and acquaintances from high school and college, some of them cops, many of them religious, loads of them Republicans, and a few others "liberal" (yes, in quotation marks).
"Folks want to be supportive but sometimes they donít get it and thatís OK. I donít expect people to know everythingóIím still learning too! But you should know that when you donít get it, it can really sting or, Iíll be honest, irritate the shit out of me.
So itís you that I sometimes protect myself from. Itís you who I will avoid or go silent with because I just donít want to deal with how disappointed I feel. Itís you that I write for and to. Itís you that I want on my side. You are the ones whoís judgments, stereotypes, awkward silences and ill-informed questions I watch out for. Itís you Iím afraid of."
The main thing I want to point out is in the left sidebar: a contact form for bloggers who want to exchange links (or who've been linking to me forever and want to bring it to my attention). I know my blogroll is outdated and there are tons of people who are linking to me (or were, until they gave up on me) but since I so rarely check my stats (and the site I used for years to track stats took a dive last year so I kind of gave up completely at that point) I just don't know about it. Now I have a more systematic way of being notified and following through. I hope my bloggy colleagues will make use of it!
I still have a work to do (updating the FAQs, adding and subtracting links, updating the blogroll, etc.), the code is REALLY ugly (I don't have any plans to fix that any time soon), and it doesn't look at all "web 2.0", but all I care about is that it works and is slight improvement over the old blue blog. I actually REALLY hate three column layouts with the content in the middle because I'm totally distracted by the shit in the sidebars. Unfortunately I didn't want to spend more than eight hours on this so I just kept it simple and assumed most people aren't as easily distracted as I am (and most people are using feedreaders now anyway - maybe).
After I clean this up some more I need to move onto redesigning the whole free area of my site. I'm feeling overwhelmed by the task(s), but it has to be done. I might end up going with A LOT of white space which will be effective for surfers and a good challenge for me (should be simpler, but with my tendency to stack one mess on top of another, maybe not).
I wish I had more time and brain power to consume other people's blogs because when I do, I come across provocative and revealing entries like these two about class:
Keeping San Francisco Safe From Prostitutes? Melissa wrote this back when SF voters had the chance to decriminalize prostitution. They didn't, of course, and her post explains a lot of reasons why even a supposedly-progressive, liberal, educated population is ignorant and afraid of sex workers running amok:
"The biggest opposition to Prop K isnít anti-prostitution feminist groups. Itís 'neighborhood associations.' Unlike even the most socially conservative feminists, they never say, I donít want sex workers to be raped. They say, I donít want to see sex workers. Donít want to see them on their front steps. Donít want to see their clients or 'pimps'. Donít want to see condoms, or syringes. In short: donít want to see poverty, donít want to see poor people. . . . What K opponents will never say in public, is that itís not prostitutes that are hard to live next to ó itís poverty."
"My mom was a bartender until I was 7 or 8 years old. When Iíd go spend the night at friendsí houses, Iíd take my toiletries in a purple Crown Royal bag (we always had tons of them around the house). We also had a lot of extra beer/liquor T-shirts that I used as nightshirts . . . . it wasnít until I was in my teens that it dawned on me why [my friends'] parents might think itís weird for a 7-year-old to carry a Crown Royal bag and sleep in a Finlandia T-shirt."
Without going into a lot of detail (just because I don't have time to write that book right now), I can't overemphasize how much my socioeconomic background shaped my identity and values. More than being female. More than being white. Even though both of those things are a big huge intrinsic part of it, the money stuff and place my family occupied (pretty low down) in the hierarchy colors the way I see and respond to pretty much everything, I think, and in such insidious ways that I'm constantly chipping away at my lack of awareness at how deep it goes and how far back and how much it continues to effect my options and choices today.
Sometimes I feel like discussions about race and gender are just big polarizing distractions to keep us from addressing the BIGGER, all-encompassing issue of class. They're not, but sometimes I feel that way (and I know some other people do, too).
A related note: right now I resent the way blame is laid for the recession. Instead of saying that banks ass-raped tons of people who probably COULD have made their mortgage payments if not for the usury/deception/inflated interest rates and doubled/trebled payments, every comment seems designed to tell us that banks simply LENT MONEY TO POOR PEOPLE. Like, THAT was the big mistake. As though those borrowers could never have made FAIR payments on mortgages with FAIR terms. As though people wouldn't have felt the need to take out second and third mortgages to be able to pay credit cards with ludicrous, unjustifiably-high, ass-raping interest rates.
The mainstream discussion about it and language referring to sub-prime mortgages, etc. is all backwards; it *pretends* to call the lending institutions and big mucky-mucks greedy while using language that continues to make it sound like the banks' problems were making bad bets on bad people, when really they fucked vulnerable people dry, butt-ramming them straight into the ground. Let's just bleed these people dry. When you make financially troubled people pay exorbitantly high interest rates and double their minimum payments, etc. what the fuck do you THINK will happen? Unless they win the lottery, they'll never be able to keep up or dig themselves out of the deep grave the lenders dug for them.
I'm not making these comments as someone who thinks she has all the answers or understands the complexity of all of it or is well-read on the subject. I'm making them as an average joe butt plumber based on her own experiences with banks and mainstream exposure to superficial news with a little bit of deeper reading here and there. My intention isn't to spark a big-ass discussion about it, just web-log some stuff. The above paragraphs are only a small chunk of reflection, not a complete or coherent argument. I won't publish comments from people assuming I'm claiming to be an expert or assuming that because I haven't written this or that or included another bit or piece, that I must not agree with this or that bit or piece, nor will I publish comments demonstrating a lack of comprehension regarding what I already wrote. HATE that.
For the record, my interest isn't really in "punishing" rich people (even when they DO *deserve* to be hung from the highest tree) or placing limits on how much money people can make, it's on making fair regulations and restrictions on how deeply people can be abused. It's on little things that would change a lot. LIKE NOT LETTING CREDIT CARD COMPANIES MAKE YOUR PAYMENT DUE ON A WEEKEND OR HOLIDAY, THEN CHARGING YOU A LATE FEE AND RAISING YOUR INTEREST RATE BECAUSE YOU FAILED TO PAY ON TIME WHEN YOUR PAYMENT ARRIVES ON THE NEXT BUSINESS DAY FOLLOWING THE DAY THEY DEMANDED YOUR PAYMENT, BUT CAN'T EVEN RECEIVE IT/WON'T EVEN PROCESS IT. It's a pretty fucking simple matter -- we have the technology at this point to automatically reject a date that is a holiday or weekend and chose either an earlier or a later date, or to have a FAIR regulation that doesn't even ALLOW lending institutions to punish you for not delivering a payment on a day when delivery of said payment IS IMPOSSIBLE.
Seriously. I don't understand why everyone isn't talking about things like this. Everyone. All day. Until something happens.
Just one example. I know *some* people are talking about it some of the time, but it's not on headline news, etc. every five seconds the way Chris Brown is. Instead everyone just ignores and skirts around these tangible, obvious bits of fuckery. It just keeps adding up, but I don't hear anything except "bail out". If anyone has links to proposed regulations tightening this shit up, I'd love to read it because as it is right now I'm too busy bitching about it to look the shit up (I know! I'm an ass!). I know awhile back congress was talking about putting an end to the credit card companies burying high interest rate balances under the lower interest rate balances, but I don't know whatever became of that/if they are in fact now forced to automatically apply payments to the balances with the highest interest rates first.
Why am I still sitting here blogging about this? Seriously, all I was going to do was post two links. Gaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh . . . hate myself for not keeping up with the news on this stuff better.
After having family stay with us for a few days, I usually feel like I need a day off to myself to recover from the energy kicked up from so many people around me. During this visit, however, I kept retreating to WebWhore Headquarters (that's what I call my home office) for a couple hours here and there, allowing myself to WORK to relax.
Instead of picking work that I really *need* to do that's high priority for making money, I allowed myself to work on low-priority stuff that's fun and not complex or stressful (except for feeling guilty for not doing more important things) and requires no interaction with other people. Stuff that's compact, like blogging and posting one-pagers on domains I've had for a long time that have been sitting, completely BLANK. My thought is that anything I accomplish is a bonus since I should be taking time off from work while family is here for our late-Thanksgiving so I should do something totally relaxing instead of tangling with bigger projects.
Here are some of the one-pagers I've made over the past week or two:
It's soothing to play with fonts and colors and inspiring to remind myself of concepts and ideas that interest me. Only a couple of those were frivolous, actually, with no immediate application, but I still feel conflicted all the time and defensive about the choices I make with my time. Like if I enjoy it and other people might not understand where it fits in the puzzle, then I should feel badly about it. There are a lot of things I'm choosing to NOT do, and I constantly imagine a crowd of people criticizing my choices, saying "what, she's not doing X so she can do Y and Z?? THAT is stupid! She hasn't earned the right to waste time doing that -- I want X! I want X! Y and Z are useless! She would be so much better off doing X; a bigger commitment to doing X would solve all of her problems, can't she see that?"
One of my goals is to stop worrying so much about the critics, both external critics and my own internal asshole voices who can ALWAYS find some way to make me feel like I'm not doing good enough. I need to focus on what I'm doing right (and right NOW), not what I'm doing wrong (or not doing at the moment). Unfortunately I'm often painfully aware that every choice I make to do one thing means not doing ten billion others. It's depressing and I have to knock that shit off. Being on Ritalin does help a lot because I can sit down and focus on something without intrusive thoughts and ideas continually popping into my head of all the other things I can/should be doing which then make me totally anxious, overwhelmed, afraid to proceed with the task at hand, and hopeless because of my limitations and lack of giant progress.
I know a lot of people struggle with similar feelings, so I share this for a couple reasons: because I know other people can relate and it always feels good to know you're not the only one with these kinds of challenges, and because it helps ME to type out my fears and remind myself I don't want to carry them around. I want to be happy with what I *can* do and what I *want* to do right now at this moment. I want to look at what I've done and feel a sense of accomplishment and pride, not guilt and maudlin hyper-criticism.
Anyway, the family is gone now, our spycams are back up, and Delia's warming up some of her delicious turkey & stuffing leftovers. Life is good.
Tonight's ending on a very positive note that could even be viewed as a metaphor for other things going on in our lives; we finally installed a second hard drive for storage on my main work machine so I'm moving big files off my weighted-down C drive. It feels like a fresh start! Right now I'm filling up some of that space by transferring non-work photos over to this machine so I can enjoy playing with shots we've taken for fun/to learn about our camera.
November 20th: a buck Delia spotted in our neighbor's backyard:
Our "new" camera (Nikon D300) has been therapeutic for me, making me stop and take time out to really LOOK and lose myself in details outside of myself. I'm not the kind of person who tries to capture EVERYTHING with a camera -- I definitely appreciate being in the moment with family, friends and on vacation -- but when we're at home (which is the same as being at work unless we make a really concerted effort for it not to be) doing the daily grind it's a big challenge for me to get out of my head. But now, when something mundane and beautiful captures my attention I feel justified in grabbing the camera, ostensibly to learn to take better photographs, and spending 5-20 minutes to really SEE and try to understand what I'm seeing: the light, the textures, the motion . . . challenging myself over what's real and not real because it can look so different viewed with my eyes compared to how it's captured by the camera. Immersing myself in all those different versions of truth and light and darkness and the stories we instantly create and details we insert after pulling them out of our asses when we think we're looking at our surroundings.
Looking out our window a few hours ago:
We actually bought three 500 GB hard drives months ago for three different machines and up until today, had only installed ONE of them because of little nuisances like not having Dell's annoying little drive "caddies", not having serial ATA cables with the 90 to 180 degree corner jobbies so the case will close properly, me despising crawling around on the floor fucking with all the cables and cords tangled around dust bunnies, etc. If you heard me screaming last night it was when I bashed my elbow into the corner of my desk during that process. Anyway, we finally took care of it and I ordered everything we need to install a couple more on other machines.
The past couple of days I had the alarm set for 8:30 in the morning to try to get us back into a groove of semi-normalcy; at least I *thought* I set the alarm for 8:30. Turns out I forgot to adjust the ipod when the time changed so we were actually being woken up at 7:30 which just didn't feel right. We'll try again tomorrow. Maybe I'll even start my day by going outside with the camera.
*Last night I enjoyed a conversation with my wanker in which I wasted lots of time raving about this Teddy Thompson fellow and a performance we saw on Later with Jools Holland. Here it is, and it slays me:
I've only downloaded one of his songs (a cover of "She Thinks I Still Care", one of my all-time faves) because there's no way I can narrow it down so I'm trying to hold out to be able to buy some of his albums, though I will probably download his cover of Leonard Cohen's "Tonight Will Be Fine":
And no, I don't think it's great JUST because I'm profiled in such a warm, fuzzy way in it; it's great because she tells you about a lot of the behind-the-scenes unsexy stuff that get in the way of indie porn being fun. Billing stuff, legal stuff, branding stuff, asshole stuff, relationship stuff, gender stuff, multi-tasking stuff, etc.
Allow me to direct more frustrated gazes towards the marvelous "PLineWorld". When our friends introduced it to us, I was immediately smitten and HYPNOTIZED by the flash preview.
Even though I do not have time to enjoy porn memberships right now, just the realization that even if I DID, I'd need a translator to figure out how to signup/couldn't figure out how makes me agitated with lust. They've done a great job luring me in . . . because those pictures are very VERY alluring (clicking on the member login takes you to previews of the galleries with samples, which of course make you really want to see the thumbnails that are NOT clickable to non-members).
Would love to blog about a million things (my questionable ethics, clarification about what is probably a "justice" fetish, etc.), respond to this and that (and blog about when it is and when it isn't reasonable to expect a response from me), but . . . I haven't got the time right this instant. I did want to share something tasty with you, though, so enjoy PLineWorld! It's a very inspiring place . . .
Reading Rachel Kramer Bussel's piece contemplating how many partner makes you promiscuous I finally started work on something I've wanted to post for members for a long time: a numbered list of all the people I've fucked or had some sort of sex with.
There are so many layers I'd like to explore that I haven't finished it yet: why I feel compelled to maintain such lists, how I feel about the numbers (and the possibilities of adding to them), the different ways such a list may be fetishized, whether less data presented in very simple form is more erotic than more data presented in detail with complete sentences in story form or even captured on video or in pictures, how making indie porn and being with Delia since 2002 has effected the numbers, how my list may or may not be different from a man's, etc.
I also wanted to dig through some of my old photos to find images of some of the people on the list which led me into the frustrating chore of trying to recover corrupted data off of a cd I burned ages ago (most of our photos are backed up in numerous places with different kinds of storage, but not these images which have sentimental value to me now). None of the photos are pornographic and I own the rights to them since I took them, but of course I'm struggling with the ethical dilemma of whether or not to share some of these images (and if so, which ones and whether or not to blur parts of them) and all of the different ways I'm justifying doing it while still feeling like it's wrong. But wanting to anyway. For the record. Which is a huge compulsion for me, wanting everything to be recorded and saved for posterity. Which I feel is very RIGHT which is part of why I follow trains of thought and say offensive things, many times at my own expense and/or the expense of others, because it represents something interesting or is an example of something that fascinates me and is thought-provoking. I am one of those assholes who acts like ideas are more important than people and that gets nasty and squats on boundaries when the ideas I like are ABOUT people.
Anyway, for those of you who are members and have been looking forward to reading the list, I apologize for underestimating how long it would take for me to get it done. I could post it now, but not without some of the context and thought I want to put in it.
My random thoughts on/responses to Rachel's piece about promiscuity:
This is SO TRUE: "Your number of partners and how "special" the sex is are not necessarily related."
Not that I think sex has to be "special" for someone to deserve to have it and be exempt from moral judgment, but it IS a way of connecting with other people, yourself and even the divine and sacred (if you're into that). It's a basic human need. A core drive. Anyway, is every meal you have "special"? No, but you still need to eat and are programmed to do it at regular intervals.
It cracks me up when many of the people who are judgmental about sex are the same people who put really bad food in their bodies every day. Food that is unhealthy, that they aren't mindful or thankful of when they eat, that they waste, that was unethically and/or immorally produced. That's WAY worse than choosing to enjoy putting a stranger's cock in your mouth. Anyone who scarfs down corn syrup, meat, chemical-laden and genetically modified food is in NO position to judge a woman for what she puts in her vagina.
*What does promiscuous mean, anyway? To me, it just means having many partners in a short time span and that's a meaningless definition since "many partners" and "short time span" are so subjective. I think promiscuity can be very healthy and don't think there should be a value judgment attached to it though I recognize THERE IS.
*15 partners is not a lot, in my book. If you're not in a long-term monogamous relationship your entire adult life (and I don't think that is more morally right than NOT being in a monogamous relationship, I'm just acknowledging that most people consider them ideal, rightly or wrongly, and you have more opportunities to fuck) and you're only averaging one new sex partner a year then . . . that pretty much sucks ass for the average human and you're definitely NOT a "slut". Its healthy to have sex at least 1-3 times a week, and if you aren't in a relationship of course you will probably have multiple partners. The UNhealthy/wrong thing to do is get into or stay in a relationship just so you can have access to socially acceptable sex. Even if you're only hooking up with a new person to have sex once a month (which is pretty fucking DRY) you'd still have twelve new partners a year.
*I agree that the double standard does still exist and the pressure for women to not be openly promiscuous (and the response to those who are or are perceived to be) is FUCKED UP and has really scary repercussions. Namely that your worth decreases and ownership of yourself disappears the more people you fuck, making you a target for all sorts of abuse. I think its a representation of our (society's) feeling that women do not own themselves, or are only permitted to temporarily own themselves if certain conditions are met. People think that every time a woman's body is accessed by someone else that she's transferring some ownership of it, having part of her soul and dignity sucked out of her, and losing her ability to have "meaningful" relationships with other people (like her all-important future husband, the final titleholder!). Like she's becoming less human and more animal, "degrading" herself from personhood to a piece of meat, and we're told that once she "does that to herself" (fails to/refuses to meet the requirements to be human which are different for women than men and designed to make her fail because doing so would make her NOT human) it is OPEN SEASON ON HER ASS -- she asked for it. If she doesn't care about herself (and "caring for herself" actually means denying herself what she wants), why should anyone else?
It's uhhhh . . . pretty fucking crazy and yeah, I do totally believe that extreme misogyny is the foundation for all of the anti-slut sentiment (and the way most people use the word "slut").
*I don't think most people who are intimate with more than three people in their lives can actually remember who and exactly how many people they've screwed around with. Having kept track of it myself, I am positive that if I hadn't logged the information I would not remember most of the people on my list (especially since I can't easily recall a lot of the people that are on it, even with their names right there). I interact with far fewer people than most do, so if *I* can't remember people I've fucked, I'm sure people who are actually normal social creatures drop a lot of interaction, even if its sexual, from their quickly-recalled memories.
You have to be a bit of a freak of nature to know exactly how many people you've had sex with. On top of that, so many people don't qualify a lot of sexual behavior as "sex" (the whole "blowjobs don't count" thing, or "he only went down on me but we didn't actually have sex"). I just don't think you can trust most people's numbers, not only because they will lie about them on purpose but because they honestly don't remember everything or don't think of all kinds of sexual intimacy as "SEX".
Rather than go another day without blogging, I'll share something SUPER COOL that I ran across today: the World Sunlight Map.
It's so incredibly beautiful to me, this refreshable ilustration of Earth with her cloud cover and shadow over the places where it's dark. It's deeply appealing to the voyeur in me, gazing at places where I know we have friends and fans, imagining myself hovering so far away and somehow imagining I can zoom down and know something close about them because I can see whether they are in light or night. I think it's the shadowy parts that make it feel like there's some entity out there, even if that entity is just space, potential and a different perspective, and that I'm part of it. It turns the whole concept of "He's Got the Whole World (in His Hands)" inside out so I feel like we're offered a vantage point of holding the whole thing in our OWN hands, tiny and precious. So vulnerable to and dependent on light and dark. We're all in there; it's wacky and thrilling.
It's like doing a God role play with omniscience being the ultimate form of voyeurism. As such, I added the World Sunlight Map to a new page for our spycam fans that also includes webcam shots of roads, bridges and ferries that we travel and links to our town's webcams. I'm guessing a few people will enjoy them even if none of these features are explicitly pornographic. They're all things *I* enjoy VERY much that give me a strangely different vantage point on my own life and position. My perception of NOW is different looking at that dark wave blanketing my country. It makes me appreciate how temporary the night is, and how I should make full use of it and the daylight because they pass so quickly. You can see each one as it approaches. It's a slowly moving picture of the passage of time and each of us invisibly under it.
*a night of good sleep followed by a breakfast of cookies and tea
*putting a fresh, soft, wet, smooth pair of new contacts in my eyes
*listening to new age music (thank you Audio Visions) and stretching/rolling around in the dark. Balance balls are a fucking awesome invention!
*watching the episode of Northern Exposure where Satan comes to town in the form of a jacuzzi salesman with a pet goat
All of that makes me feel like I live in the lap of luxury.
Here's what I was working on last night and today: web-whore.com. It's not totally finished, but it needed to be done. Last night I just happened to be in the mood to doodle around with design ideas and was just playing with pretty colors and fonts (always fun, especially if you don't *have* to do it). After playing and closing out about 25 files/ideas for other sites, I returned to basic black, white and red and started on that, which leads me to another thing I'm thankful for: being able to fuck around and sometimes have it turn into something useful. I know it's nothing fancy, but you'd be surprised how hard it is (for me, anyway) to make something simple.
Also thankful for all my nice friends on twitter who gave me good/nice feedback on it. I like warm fuzzies and it really does help to get outside affirmation.
I detest most social networking sites (MySpace, Facebook, etc.) so it's rare that I'll excitedly ask for friends to join one of them, but I *love* GoodReads. It's focused, list-oriented, and all about books. I want to see what my friends and fans are reading, so definitely friend me there and/or post a link in comments to your Good Reads profile.
Annoying ad I just saw in sidebar: BELLY FAT IS NASTY.
Do you know how often we buy a groceries at the store to put in the food bank donation bin and forget to do so? Too often (and yet not often enough). That's why we have twice as many cans of Hunt's Spaghetti Sauce with sausage (flavoring) at home than we actually need. And no, we don't just try to buy the poor people crap, THAT IS JUST REALLY GOOD SPAGHETTI SAUCE! If you don't think so, you're just a snob living too high on the hog. It's both cheap AND delicious! You're missing out if you don't know what I'm talking about. I cannot walk by sale cans of that shit without snatching up a basketload.
Delia and I are trying not to eat out so often; we've actually done pretty well with that this year. It's not that I mind spending the money on it because we don't go totally crazy with it, it supports local business people and I need to get out of the house SOME time, but we aren't even enjoying it that much anymore and do it more for comfort than anything else.
Anyway, we're now motivating ourselves not to eat out by listing frivolous things we want that are in the eat-out price range and focusing on those when we feel tempted. $20-$25 is our average lately since we usually split something, so at the end of every week we manage not to eat out we're rewarding ourselves with $25 each. Is that dorky? Whatever.
Since we didn't eat out for a week, I used my money plus some other in my phone sex money stash to buy her:
I feel good about my purchase, partly because it's something beautiful (way prettier than leftover mexican food) and partly because I bought it from some awesome bus-dwelling people. It's always interesting to me when I compare what other people charge for their arts/crafts/work to what *I* charge for access to my porn, stories, shows and spycams. In many ways they're incomparable, but at first glance I have to gasp at how relatively inexpensive it was to buy something as gorgeous as this doll, something that must have taken hours to make -- something I myself can't fathom having the time, talent, skill or patience to to make. It's amazing to think about all of the life that goes into something like that from the sheep to the person collecting the wool to all of the steps in making the doll: shaping, dying and whatever else I'm clueless about.
It makes me wonder why I don't buy MORE beautiful, handmade things. I love them, but it always strikes me as a luxury/something I'll do LATER, when I don't have debt; that way of thinking is pure fucking nonsense, though. And it really seems RIGHT for me to cycle the money people spend on me as luxury/entertainment/personal support by doling some of it out to other small-business people and artists, right? On top of that I think I feel more inspired to do better work when I spend time looking at and touching other people's beautiful work. I spend most of my money on plastics and electronics and such, justifying it as being "for work", but forgetting that I need personal/spiritual juice for my work to be worth doing.
On Saturday I'm doing my civic duty at our county convention as an Obama delegate; I've canceled my shows that day rather than rescheduling them; there was no way I could get my other work (shoots, webmastering, etc.) done this week if I crammed show day into another slot. What I *have* done, though, is put a chat session at 9 pm Saturday night. I know that's probably going to make it unattendable for some people, but I'm not sure when I'll be home from the thing and want to have dinner and a break in between (my social juices being in always short supply).
Happy St. Patrick's Day (and happy 35th birthday to me)!
From a set of photos I'll be posting later today for members:
Irish girls do it paler and doughier:
Cameltoe in clover green:
We've had sex four mornings in a row hoping to fertilize the egg that I popped on Friday. Sunday morning was just for good measure ;). It really relaxed me so I went back into a blissful sleep afterwards, then got up and spent many hours doing housework. I'm not an efficient cleaning person because I get easily distracted and roam from room to room, but when I just allow myself to enjoy the process it's actually really soothing to me. It was nice to get away from the computers and pay attention to our surroundings. While we are waiting to find out whether or not our conception attempt was successful I want things to be as calm and relaxing as possible and also focus my energy on grounding myself in my body and home. Peace is a state of being I usually have to work towards to achieve; I would like to practice more to get to the point where it comes more naturally. This is especially important now that I want to become a parent.
I have a couple of hour-long chats scheduled today so that our members can come in and kiss my ass with birthday well-wishes. They are at noon and nine pm (Pacific Time). I'm also hoping to fit in some time for more personal blogging and some exercise. My family is going to be spending a few days with us later this week to celebrate my birthday so I don't know how much I'll be able to accomplish site-wise while they're here.
I'd like to point out a few of my favorite free porn galleries I've posted over on Trixie.com and explain what I like about them:
RONI OUTSIDE IN A WHITE GOWN First of all, I really admire Roni, her site, her shows, and her style. And I was *this close* to masturbating to the photo of the water gushing over her feet.
REDHEAD IN A FIELD WEARING CUTOFFS & BIKINI I confess that anything depicting love between a girl and her horse arouses me. I know that sounds sick and wrong, but just the suggestion of it is enough for me to daydream (which I prefer to anything horrifyingly explicit and real). And I really like the shape of her legs and that she looks like she's really country.
NAUGHTY JULIE GIVES HEAD I am a big fan of Naomi Watts/love the way she looks AND I love Julie, so seeing Julie look so much like Naomi in that second clip? SENDS me!
"TEMPTING TRANNY" ANGELINA This might be the prettiest glam hardcore tgirl gallery I've ever seen and I *love* the way the guy is manhandling her; I really love images that show a man's arms wrapped around a woman with his hands on display on her rear or sides or stomach or thighs. It's a really potent sight for me, and the guy in this set has really beautiful hands.
TRUTH OR DARE Those of you who know me probably don't need me to point out my trigger(s) on this one.
OH MY SIDEBURNS! Lewdly set up to perfection, and the second clip is just . . . wow. Really fucking hot. And the bare feet, bad teeth & moaning in the last clip? Gah!!! Hotness!!!!
As I keep on creating new blogs it's felt like I needed a better way to collect and post more of my blogging in one place, so that's what I'm doing on Trixie.com. It's not that I want to abandon my individual blogs because a lot of people are only interested in one of them and they SHOULD stay topical, but other people might be interested in having MORE all in one place/using one RSS feed.
As you can see there's also a long column of thumbs leading to free porn galleries I've handpicked that I hope people will find entertaining when my blogging is not.
Anyway, I still have a lot of behind-the-scenes fine-tuning and tedious tasks to do to make it work AND a few more important pages to write, but I still think it's worth visiting as-is. The design is nothing fancy, just a free wordpress template, but I actually really love its format and like the idea of letting the content speak for itself.
I want people who go there to a) remember my name, b) sense that I am a real person and know a little bit about who that person is (and recognize that they could know a whole lot more by sticking around or returning), and c) want to come back.
Still, it's crazy that this movie (which, if you HAVE to label it as catering to either a "gay" or a "straight" audience is OBVIOUSLY better marketed towards consumers in the straight marketplace than the gay market) is being recognized at GayVN but wasn't at AVN. If I remember correctly, Dacia said AVN got rid of their "bi" category; right now I can't find any of her many posts about this matter and bisexuality in the porn industry so I can't vouch for that detail. Anyway, The Bi Apple at Gayvn is a reminder of the bizarre standards in our society (that the porn industry REFLECTS, but I don't think CREATES) that male bisexuality is rarely acknowledged as common, normal or even possible; most people still subscribe to the belief that men are either straight OR they're gay with absolutely no in-between. That attitude flies so directly in the face of common sense, plenty of research and everything that is readily observable about male sexuality that you can't deny we must have a MASSIVE agenda in suppressing the truth and perpetuating homophobia to the point where we'd rather sound totally insane in the membrane that admit most guys are wired to get off on both cock AND pussy.
I just read Augusten Burrough's Sellevision and one of the FUNNIEST things about it was his fantasy portrayal of the porn industry as an open, bi-sexy, anything-goes atmosphere which it absolutely is not. His gay male protagonist can't get a straight job anymore so he decides to try porn "acting"; when Max tours the studio it's described as one that makes BOTH gay porn and straight porn, and has performers of all orientations lounging around ready to fuck both men and women; there's the star Trixie Thunderpussy (no relation) and the male fluffer, Shaun. Max does his impromptu screen test with Rocky right on the set of "Pizza Parlor Pussy"! If only that kind of shit really happened! It was the most naive, idealized, unreal things I've ever read coming from such a jaded author and just goes to show how little people, even sexually sophisticated people, know about the porn industry. The porn industry is crazily segregated and extremely UNcomfortable with natural variations in human sexuality.
My impression of a lot of men in the porn industry is that they fancy themselves reinforcers of decency and "standards". They all think that they know what All Men Want, they all think they know what sells (if they haven't tried it or don't like it then it can't POSSIBLY be marketable). They are very intent on maintaining their perceived boundaries between false dichotomies like bad and good, gay and straight, fat and sexy, fetish and non-fetish, hairy and clean, women and men, old and young. Blurred lines horrify them and the only stuff they'll accept that pushes outside of "normal" is extreme hardcore performed on women. The only arena where they seem interested as a group in challenging accepted standards is on women's physical and human limits. Okay, we've established women can take two cocks in the ass . . . how about expanding that asshole to two cocks, a fist, a frozen turkey and a barbie doll? And now that we've found that unilaterally referring to women as either sluts or whores or both is easy AND effective how about we really push the envelope by calling them cum-dumpsters and human toilets more often? YEAH! This is really NEW and CUTTING EDGE!
We should all think it's weird and wacky that the more we are able to know about sex and human behavior, the more restrictive and willfully stupid we've become, and the more feminism progresses, the more porn (along with all other media) seeks to put us back in our traditional places. It seems obvious we're in denial and trying our hardest as a group to maintain norms that should have been blown to smithereens. As individuals I think we really need to call bullshit on each other and question our motivation for being so rigidly resistant to acknowledging basic human truths, like, ERECT PENISES MAKE PEOPLE HORNY. Duh.
Does it seem as though I just went off on a tangent, switching from bisexual porn to feminism? I wish I had the time and the brain to do a better job of connecting the dots, but it does all have to do with gender to the point where sometimes I wonder if we're afraid that if men started openly acknowledging how much they want to suck cock that we wouldn't know what women are good for anymore.
Note: I do not think porn featuring women in submissive or even degrading roles is intrinsically evil or "bad" or harmful, nor do I think people should automatically feel guilty for getting off on that; my problem is with the PREVALENCE and thoughtlessness of that type of porn to the relative exclusion of other (and often healthier/more "normal") scenarios, and the ease with which people in the industry accept it contrasted with their disdain for other types of scenes.
Anyway, I hope The Bi Apple wins; I'm going to be watching Dacia's twitter like a hawk to see the outcome.
It's been a long time since I participated in one of these sex-blog circle-jerks; I'm surprising myself by posting the entire list since a lot of the ones I thought were really great or worthwhile did not earn top props -- I'm sort of amazed at how many fantastic sex bloggers are out there, not all of them my cup of tea but a lot of them ARE. Those of you who've found my own blogging less sexy than in the good old days might find some new favorites amongst the links collected here:
The best of this weekís blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants:
This Weekís Picks:
A Fable “They start touching her, gingerly at first, wondering what magic is in her.”
"My last attempt at hooking up with a chick led to her becoming utterly put out with me because I wouldnít take a $40 cab ride to her house to immediately rape her. This, by our second conversation."
*Mistress Matisse on her college education and lack of a degree. It was a blissful moment, realizing that I never wondered for a fucking second what kind of schooling Matisse did or didn't have, and knowing that no one who reads her has to wonder whether or not she is EDUCATED. Schooling can be wonderful, but it's also overrated; I treasure stories from happy, successful, smart people who dropped out of school somewhere along the way.
*Dacia questions Reverse Cowgirl's co-opting of sex workers' stories. It's worth following all of the links, reading the comments and giving it some thought yourself. I think I vaguely recall Reverse Cowgirl's blog going down for a period of time years ago (2003?) after which I abandoned reading it (shortly after discovering it, so I never got really "into" it). I do not relish the idea of someone who deletes blog history or is in the habit of abandoning her blogs compiling a bunch of stories by other people only to have them mysteriously disappear or be gathered up, deleted, and perhaps be republished in a book. Since she *is* a published author/more experienced (and, I assume, more ambitious) with publishing than your average hobbyist blogger, I'm curious if she has plans beyond the blogs for these stories she's collecting and, if so, if she gets permission from the contributors for future/other uses (my guess is no, since the contributions are anonymous). Just thinking out loud and hypothesizing here.
Here's what we're doing today. We'll be gone all day since we have to trek to Seattle and will make use of that to visit family. I'm sort of hoping to come back sooner than later, though, because of how frosty and potentially icy the roads could get.
In the absence of real blogging, you can check my Daily Trixie blog for the rundown(s) on what's been keeping me busy, including a brown rundown last night. Gross!
Now? I pass on the love to five of my favorite chick bloggers:
GODDESS GLORY I've been dying to have a free week to focus solely on writing an ode to Goddess Glory and all of the reasons I admire and cherish her. Without taking a week to do so right now, I'll just introduce her by saying that she's an unshaven, ball-busting, enema-loving, awe-inspiring, mesmerizing, W-O-M-A-N. She's also one of those rare and splendid people with a complex and highly-developed sense of self-defined VALUES that she applies to everything she does. The Almighty Glorious Glory is an earnest philosophizer, and a head-spinning dual-character of humility and divinity, lover and fighter.
ADORABLE AUDREY What makes Audrey a Rockin' Girl Blogger? Is it her frequent postings of alluring girl-next-door photographs? Is it her readability? Is it her sincerity? Of course it's all of those things, but for me, personally, it's her consummate professionalism. I'm a sucker for an extraordinary work ethic, and Audrey's is truly top-notch. I hate to mention it since "great work ethic" probably sounds boring to most people, but to me it's not just a laudable characteristic -- it's fucking HOT. Audrey is the kind of person who does ten times as much and does it all ten times better than 99% of the webgirls I know, all while maintaining a relaxed and alluring demeanor. Aside from "spectacular work ethic" being super-sexy to me personally, it's super-sexy from a porn consumer's standpoint because she delivers way more to her customers than they could ever afford to pay for. PRICELESS, she is.
EX-MILLENNIAL GIRL Stefanie is a GIFT. She writes with ease, humour, honesty, humility and acuity about herself, addiction and stripping. She's got talent and her own voice, and if you haven't been reading her you should fucking start from the beginning and catch the fuck up BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN/ARE MISSING OUT. She has the skill to tell her story so that it's accessible to anyone; you don't have to be a girl or an addict or a stripper or a customer to get it. You also don't have to worry about getting totally depressed; while a lot of the subject matter IS depressing, she's got a subtle positivity vibe that keeps you on an even keel emotionally without being Pollyanna-ish.
KRIS MADISON Most of you who know me well are probably also acquainted with Kris so I hope I don't have to expand on her many readily-apparent appealing qualities. Instead, I'd like to share something about her you might NOT know about: she knows a lot about a lot of stuff. Again, this probably sounds like a cop-out of a compliment to some people, but it's one of those qualities *I* am attracted to and that might be missed simply because she doesn't advertise it on her blog (which is part of what makes her blog readable; it's focused and coherent). Kris is the kind of person who loves to research and quietly infiltrate subcultures and niche areas of industry and expertise. She holds stuff in her head and applies it to her many (secret ninja) projects; you cannot have a conversation with this woman without her stealthily revealing yet another cache of knowledge on something intriguing you've never heard about before. In terms of her blog, I appreciate its readability even more because if *I* knew as much as Kris does, it would not be possible for me to present an organized thought. I would just say things like, "I deplete ATM manna pool now cheeseburger hack this ebook ROI point shoot traffic hymen matrix. Eh?"
SESKA Here's what I love about Seska's blog: ZERO PRETENSION. With all of the people and stuff Seska knows, the projects she's involved in and the respect she has earned inside (and outside) the adult industry, her blog never reads like it's full of insider-information that only the "cool" people will understand, and for that reason it feels very intimate and personal, like private notes she's writing just to you and herself. She never just *assumes* you have knowledge about the industry or sex or women or her hobbies or books or television or anything; she always gently guides you into her world by describing and defining each term, event and niche-reference she uses. A major pet peeve of mine are bloggers whose writing is so rife with obscure references, acronyms, geek-speak, etc. that they only can be understood by a very small portion of the population 10% of the time; I find that so aggravating that people like Seska and Kris stand out for taking the time to make their blogs readable. And as far as the zero pretension thing goes, as a person and web personality part of why she's outstanding is she extends respect to all of her readers and to people in general; her blogging and interactions with other people do not rely upon witty criticisms or laughing at other people. Seska is always refreshingly kind and that is pretty fucking unique and inspiring in the world of blogs and men.
I admit that I awarded these gals with "Rockin' Girl Blogger" awards based less on their blogs and more on everything I know about them. I also have to admit that this took me FOREVER to write: over three hours, in fact. Let this be another lesson to non-bloggers about the kind of stuff it takes for Rockin' Girl Bloggers to do what we do -- IT TAKES TIME. Maybe I'm just a dumbass and it takes forever and a day for me to write stuff that would take a normal person ten minutes to write, but my guess is that the majority of people who don't write have NO idea the amount of time and energy put into it. Allow me to take this opportunity to thank Angela of ZenFetish for honoring me by taking that time to give me such very warm fuzzies.
I wanted to be able to lay someone down on their stomach and still get access to the fun parts. Sometimes I lie on the floor and do CBT on boys from that angle. Itís more scary for them when not only can they not see whatís coming, they canít even see me. Once I draped the bottom with fabric and had Jae hiding underneath there like an evil little sprite under a bridge. Wasnít that boy startled when he saw me standing several feet away and feltÖsomeone/somethingÖ touching his bits. It was delightful.
. . . . a fat old Boss Hog man in a three-piece suit asked me upstairs to a private room . . . . When I leaned towards him, his put his hand on my pussy. Then he worked his hand under my g-string. He fingered me. I smiled. I repeat: I didnít know what was expected of me.
He played with my clit. I danced as though unaware, but hell, it felt good. It did. One of my fantasies was for an ugly old fat man to finger me in the Champagne Room. Iíd masturbated to that fantasy for years, as there was something so hot and so ugly and so wrong and so good about it.
I came in less than a minute.
Part of me wants to remind people reading this that it should not be assumed that those of us who have this fantasy are issuing open free-for-all invitations to have it fulfilled, just that every so often under the "right" circumstances fantasy and reality can intersect. I just really don't want Stefanie to be bombarded with emailed photos of ugly fat men offering to fingerbang her, because I don't think that's the point of her telling the story (or of me saying that reading it aroused me a whole bunch).
I have a "thing" for gloves. And men wearing suspenders. And Russian dancers. So last night? I *squealed* watching Pasha doing his solo on So You Think You Can Dance. It's not on YouTube yet that I can find, so here's his mannequin dance with Lacey:
After suffering the heartbreakingly predictable loss of Pasha coupled with his hot goodbye number, we wound up fucking. It was sweet and jolly as much of our procreative sex has been. Very wholesome. Then we watched the Supernanny and I hated on the stupid bitch mom while lusting after the Supernanny because she is SO FUCKING HOT. I think Jo may be the sexiest chick on television with her multi-faceted well-rounded hotness. She's very gal-next-door, ageless, wicked role-play fodder, in-charge (yet warm), and just gorgeous. I want to wrestle lazily with her in a pool full of pudding and play with her bouncy curls.
Here are a couple of blog entries I posted with more on "what Trixie thinks is hot":
Sorry for the lack of posts lately; things have been hectic, but I *have* been keeping everyone (you included) posted by twittering a lot. If you want to know my latest movements (and you're not watching our potty cam, haha), then that's the place to see what the fuck is occupying me that doesn't happen to be blogging.
So yeah -- if you want to know what will be consuming most of our day today, check my twitter profile (or look for the latest update from it in the sidebar and keep refreshing).
We just got home from a very long excursion to my nephew's birthday party. We spent more time in the car driving and waiting for ferries than we did visiting. It was worth it, though, and most of the drive was beautiful.
Here's what I've been working on instead of blogging. It's nothing fancy yet, but then free porn giveaways traditionally haven't needed to be too fancy to be . . . inviting. I'm working on making it a tiny bit flashier (and coated with my personality) but right now I love the variety of porn on there. I'm particularly proud of the tantalizing descriptions I wrote to describe each of the galleries. I've also "tested" many of the video clips and photo sets myself to make sure they are completely satisfactory. Not all of them are, but the ones that ARE work very well (for me, at least).
The researchers discovered the suicide rate is 73 percent higher in participants with breast implants relative to the control group.
That's some pretty fucked up shit that can't easily be disregarded considering it was a fifteen year study that "collected information on 24,600 women who had received breast implants for cosmetic purposes". I wonder, though, how many of those women got the old silicone implants and/or just bad hack-job surgery in general that could put a dent in anyone's positive outlook. Still . . .
After my post about molesting Delia in her sleep, it's a bit of odd synchronicity that I clicked on GtD from my sidebar and found such a relevant post considering I rarely visit there otherwise it would, by now, be moved to Old Mutes & Rare Updates. Regardless, it's a fantastic entry touching upon the type of sex play the mainstream porn world pretty much ignores: guys who like to get their entire faces sopping wet in pussy juice.
It's a little muddled, but this chunk has inspiring potential:
The exploration of fantasy can take you out of the limitations of the typical roles that you are required to fill, whether you are gay, straight, bisexual, male, female or transgender. The rise of ďtrannyĒ porn, female domination porn and female ejaculation in porn are all examples of women taking on the traditionally gender-specific roles of men, and using penises, either real or simulated, to ejaculate in ways that most people previously believed that only men could. UCSB grad student J.D. Scott, author of a soon-to-be-published paper on the ďtransgressive images of female bodies,Ē describes how straight men are the largest consumers of these sorts of female-domination porn films.
The one and only discussion I saw of this on a porn industry board only focused on her being underage and really disregarded the theft and HORRIFYINGLY stupid, unprofessional and demeaning response from the porn studio. Porn webmasters seem to be saying, "how DUMB to subject your business to legal scrutiny for using a minor's image!" rather than, "how low and unethical to steal and try to profit from a copyrighted piece of art made by a teenage woman and then have the balls to hurl moronic insults at her and tell her that she doesn't deserve one red cent." I hope she gets a lawyer and rapes TVX's wallet dry.
Oh sweet JESUS: I found another thread about this on another adult webmaster board and most of the responses are (predictably) even more offensive than the ones I read elsewhere, though are balanced out by a few sensible thoughts.
Sensible reaction from an adult webmaster:
Their response to her is sickening. People like this need to be blackballed from the industry.
Stupid response from adult webmaster:
Sorry I must have missed something. Please show me the proof where
A) the girl posting is actually the girl in the pic
B) she is actually underage in that pic
C) she did not give them permission to use the pic.
if she's full of shit SHE is the one in big time trouble.
Another stupid response (from an adult webmaster I have always found to be REALLY FUCKING RETARDED):
The picture was taken in 2004 when she was 14. Now it is 2007, so she is 17. Yet she is surfing and entering pornsites even though she is underage, and she apparently possesses porn as well (otherwise how would she have a copy of the DVD?). I smell major, huge, stinky bullshit.
problem is this is all probably fake shit on her part to get money. I can not beleive all the idots on that site that actualy believe. She should be sued for giving us all a bad name. Ironically she probally sucks more cocks than the average porn queen
Does this give you an idea of why "networking" with my supposed colleagues can be really fucking unappealing and truly appalling? It's particularly hilarious to hear a porn peddler accuse someone of doing fake shit to make money and another to act as though it's inconceivable that a seventeen year old would have access to porn (or that somehow her porn surfing negates any claim she has to her art and image).
I'm still feeling sick from my cold, but the weather is BEAUTIFUL and I'm loving having longer daylight hours exchanged at night for with some kick-ass moonlight. Yesterday one of the few things I managed to accomplish in my sickly haze was fixing my archive links over in the sidebar so the past few months show up again.
I have a couple of shows scheduled today so maybe I'll see you in the chatroom; my group show yesterday was filled with pleasant conversation and nice people who asked me nonsexual questions on purpose to aggravate the impatient wankers. Have you read any John Irving? Do you believe in wormholes? Are you transgendered like your girlfriend? I would definitely be open to discussions regarding the implant/suicide connection, the theft of Lara's image, or (of course) whether I should be blonde or brunette. I've gotten a few emails since my post the other day, but I'm still curious about how this crucial matter impacts each person who encounters me.
If Simone Valentino is the star of the movie (and I hope we get to see her again), then Tasty Trixie is the star of the BTS. Like everyone in the cast, she is hot in an accessible way . . . but also dispenses folksy porn set wisdom that reveals a basic adherence to conventions even among trippy pan-sexuals.
Me? A dispenser of folksy porn set wisdom? Oh, you FLATTERER! This is especially funny to me since that was the first time I'd ever been ON the set of a porn movie except for some of the other weird sets we've been on which were part porn, part zombie or were not intended for a mass porn market.
Having said that, I suppose I should (finally) blog about "what it was like", this porno movie experience, since people seem to want to know what it's like to be in an actual porn MOVIE distributed by one of those familiar names (in this case, Adam & Eve). I actually still don't feel qualified to remark on that since Dacia's movie and set felt (and are/were) thousands of miles away from the stereotypical L.A./porn valley scene. No one LOOKED stereotypically porny and no one ACTED stereotypically pornish. I mean, some of the coolest aspects of being on set were totally NERDY things: getting to meet and hang out with fellow bloggers (Mikey, Jessica and Viviane) and talk about relatively obscure geek shit and compare vials of perfume oil from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab. I don't know for sure, but I have a feeling those conversations and people-mixes wouldn't have happened at a shoot in the valley. And would I have met Bella Vendetta, Luxe Nightmare, or Rachel Kramer Bussel? Me fucking thinks not in West Coast pornoland. There was a distinctive lack of tan and silicone glam, and I mean that in a good way.
Anyway, there's lots more I could say about the fun we had, but let's get back to the reviews, shall we?
In scene two Simone observes Tucker and Trixie, even assisting by handing them toys mid-stroke. There's actual foreplay -- a pleasant surprise! -- and loads of eager asslicking. By Trixie! She lubes Tucker up good and starts inserting fingers until it's time for "something bigger." Heh. She dons a strap-on and fucks his ass in a few positions. Trixie has spectacularly large natural boobs that oscillate wildly when Tucker gets on top. They then maneuver into a formation in which he's rubbing his cock against her foot and she's multi-tasking with two sex toys. After some vigorous jerking off, he spurts like Vesuvius onto those amazing boobs and then licks it off. Whew! Let's rewind that one, shall we?
And the most personally flattering thing I've read about the movie comes straight from Audacia who says, "If you only want to pay to see one scene in the movie, check out scene 2, Trixie and Tucker. They are goddamn amazing."
One of the coolest things about being part of Audacia's first movie really is that it feels special and out-of-the-ordinary, probably because it mattered to her to do it differently. It mattered to her in that it wasn't just title number 357 in a long queue of assembly-line produced stuff, and I think that's reflected in her cast and crew choices, the "action", in her promotional efforts and in the coverage it's gotten. Tucker and I are very lucky that in our day-to-day work lives what we do MATTERS to us, and I think we were blessed to step out of our own homemade porn thing to be part of something else that also mattered to the person making it (and for all of the people involved to matter to each other). It was NOT like "another doubly-penetrating day at the silicone office"; that's what makes The Bi Apple unique.
When I'm in hermit mode I *love* to do work that only requires lower-level thinking skills: stuff that's repetitive and allows me to get into a mind-numbing rhythm where I can hyperfocus on the trivial details of the task at hand. Jobs where I can totally lose myself.
One of those jobs is adding galleries to my neglected/underdeveloped/unfinished free porn site. Another is finding photos and clips to post and write about over at my Live WebWhores blog. I seriously wish I could spend a couple of weeks doing nothing but writing blog entries there, and then at least a full workday or two per month after that. Does it qualify as work? Yeah, it does; I promote iFriends from that Live WebWhores blog.
I know some people think we webwhores are supposed to pretend that we do all of this sex work and blogging PURELY for the sheer pleasure and sexual ecstasy of it, but I simply must ruin the mystique of it to tell you that every time someone joins iFriends for free from one of my sites I actually make more money on that free join than when someone joins MY site and pays for it. Wacky, huh? The truth is I could make more money promoting other people's sites for 25% of the work and legal risks and at 5% of the expense of running our own sites. That fact on its own should mitigate any damage I've done by reminding people that I do this work for profit since I clearly must love operating our sites if I continue to do it in spite of the fact that I could make more money with less effort in other ways.
As it stands, I enjoy so many aspects of this industry that I can't help scattering my efforts all over the place. It's nice to have a job for every mood even though it makes it a challenge to make efficient time-management decisions. In the end, I think it's pretty healthy and cool. And fuck, I really need to make more time to CONSUME porn and enjoy it; it doesn't make sense for me to make porn but allow myself so little time to peruse other people's. Example: best movie gallery I stumbled upon today: self-conscious slightly-dorky but-still-hot guy tugging himself outside. These are thing I *need* to see, right??
Anyway, there are some fantastic chick-bloggers in that lineup for you to read, so check them out.
FYI: I don't check my stats all that often so if you've been linking to me and have a relevant and coherent blog with personality, feel free to comment so I can check out your blog and figure out if you're someone I, my readers and my members will enjoy. Also, if you know of any really splendid blogs out there just post a rec since I haven't had time to keep up on the latest and greatest bloggers.
In other geek blog news, I'm very annoyed that lately my blog's google page rank varies from anywhere between zero and six whenever I refresh. What the fuck??
I don't like to forget about blogs I've enjoyed that retain good old content and memories, so I've maintained a linklist in my sidebar for old mutes and rarely updated blogs, but I need to free up that space, especially since I think it's only there to comfort me. Instead I'll link to those folks here (if the links are dead, you can always search for them using The Wayback Machine):
There are so many blogs not on this roll I wish I could remember . . . Centerfold Librarian, ummm. . . shit, I can't remember all of the others! So this list will also become a list of blog casualties because I can't stand to let their memories leak out of my head.
I'm a packrat, I'll admit it. To the point where it bothers me when OTHER people don't save things I would save if they were mine.
It SLAYS me when people burn old letters, throw away diaries, or, on the internet, delete their blogs. Fine, don't update it anymore but don't take it away!! Don't destroy it -- that's HISTORY, and you're killing it!
Anyway, if any of you have moved to another domain or begin posting again on a regular basis, just leave comments and I'll move you back to the sidebar (as long as you're posting more than once a month)!
But let's get back to "my" book, shall we? This afternoon my mailbox was crammed with an unexpected big brown box with customs labels, and a return address stamp bearing the name of "Murder One". Inside the cardboard package I found two THICK copies of The Mammoth Book of Sex Diaries: The Ultimate Collection of Sex Blogs (one yankee edition and one UK edition), a thank you letter, and a cheque.
I'm not one to get out the camera for birthdays or vacations or other "special" events; the camera is almost omnipresent in our lives already so I hate dragging it out unnecessarily for purely sentimental reasons BUT . . . today I fetched the camera and thrust it into Tucker's hands so he could take a pictureS of me with my sweet little check and books. It's so dorky, but it felt momentous and I felt giddy, and years from now I want to be able to chuckle at myself, remembering the things that have given me pleasure and made me feel proud. I feel like a ten year old girl in a thirty-one year old body who just won the the district spelling bee or a blue ribbon at the county fair for her prize rooster.