My name is Trixie (aka TastyTrixie). The Wandering WebWhore is my personal blog. I'm a 30-something indie pornographer whose journal covers a variety of topics: mundane daily life, work-related reflection, sex stuff, current events, and more.
She describes herself as an "eco-feminist-pagan-hippie sex-worker chick currently residing in a Nudist Colony in the last redneck outpost of South Florida". Loosely translated, that means most of my blog readers will dig her for at least one reason, if not more. Plus, she's FUCKING GORGEOUS. Like, a totally striking knockout. She reminds me of Emmanuelle Seigner and a girl I went to high school with (I know that means nothing to you, but the reminder of my gorgeous German friend with her cheshire cat grin is lovely to me).
She's also a fellow Niteflirt/phone sex operator and I squealed when she set up an appointment to "consult" with me on different possibilities for setting up spycams. After I got off the phone with her I watched her free Masturbation Impossible video (wankers: you will not make it through the portions where she carefully wobbles down the stairs wearing her rollerblades and smiles mischievously - SUPER HOT).
Right now Libby Lynn's describing herself as an art student and porn cashier and it's just a MAJOR OVERSIGHT on my part, me not adding her to my blog links before this. I think I thought she was already in there. From her I get a depth and breadth of inspiration/relation(? if that's the right word)/variety that I don't get from most other blogs and online contacts.
I sort of don't know how to describe the connection I feel when I read her, but as far as you go in deciding whether or not to dig into her posts and flickr and twitter and stuff, I think she'll appeal to smart voyeuristic types who like meaty posts and porn and art or are working on the process of their own selves/work/art.
I also updated my link to Mia who is now blogging at MiavonDoom.com, my online buddy from way back and a multimedia POWERHOUSE.
The other night we heard Martin Short ask Conan O'Brien if it's okay to say "penis" on television. Conesy assured him that if it's a "medical" word you can say it on tv. So they said it, "PENIS", over and over. Martin also said, "ding dong", "my unit" and a whole bunch of other terms as he used his hands to indicate EXACTLY what part of his body he was talking about.
Guess what happens if you do a search for "clitoris"? BIG FAT ZERO.
I only learned of this reading Susie Bright's post about this twisted double standard. Of course, to be fair, "vagina" doesn't seem to be considered a dirty word since I just turned on strict filtering and did a search for that term and came up with (considerably fewer than penis) results so . . . yeah.
It IS upsetting and there's clearly a weird double standard; it's hilarious (in a very dark way) that anyone would think a clitoris is more dangerous than a penis, and "dangerous" IS the opposite of "safe", isn't it? Still, I don't know that I feel exactly the same way about it that Susie does, though I think hers is an important perspective full of many truths and that we should all be pissed off about this kind of bullshit. But part of the hate, shame, and willful ignorance of women and women's bodies is wrapped up in the shame and disgust men feel (and women AND MANY *FEMINISTS* REINFORCE AND ENCOURAGE) over straight men's sexual response to women. If it's a part of the body that makes a straight man's dick hard -- something they want to see and touch and lick and talk about and see pictures of -- then it needs to be censored to save those crazed pudwhackers from themselves and the women from the damage that is wrought when men think of women in a sexual way!
I'm not sure "the giant obscene 'F' word in Internet censorship is feminism". Yes, I think this is a feminist issue, for sure, but I don't think the sole or even the primary motive for/cause of banning a word like "clitoris" from google's safe search is a clear desire to silence feminists and shroud women and their bodies in a reinforced veil of ignorance. Sure, that's one of many RESULTS (and there are plenty of places where plenty of people DO make silencing feminists and campaigning against women and knowledge of women's bodies number one on their agenda) and it's easy to see why Susie would feel especially pissed about it when she's not one of the sex-negative feminists who thinks that every boner sprung is a rape waiting to happen (a way of thinking that, combined with the conservative, supposedly apolitical woman's belief that every time a man masturbates to pictures of women who aren't his wife that a family is destroyed, has made the men who are still in charge very eager to PRETEND to try to disapprove along with us of their dirty habit of jacking off over images of our bodies) . . . and when you turn safe search off to find "clitoris", the seventh page-one result is her post on the internal clitoris, etc. Obviously safe search filters could make it harder for Susie to sell books.
A little diversion: laughably, the retarded UNfactual "ask men dating and love tip" page on "understanding the clitoris" ranks higher than Susie's or Scarleteen's pages, but that's probably because a site like AskMen works a lot harder on search engine optimization than educators, artists, writers, political activists, etc.). The web used to be more of a woman, but now it's poorly micromanaged by algorithms cooked up by men. Are their little mathematical formulas conscious attempts to censor feminist obscenities (like truth)? No. I don't think so.
There are so many more pointed ways that women and the truths about our bodies told from our own perspectives are smacked down by corporate censors that the banned google clitoris isn't at the top of my list of things to use as an example. It's the more obvious and uncomplicated stuff I've had to deal with as a pornographer (one of those "commercial porn-makers" Susie identifies as someone who she thinks doesn't suffer from bans and censorship the way artists, writers, educators and political activists do, which is an annoying and probably unintentional slap in the face I've felt delivered from the latter group and their "poor, starving, I-do-it-for-love-not-money mentality" before -- I guess they always think we'll know that they don't mean pornographers like Tony Comstock who of course get to be included as ARTISTES) that really chap my hide as clear-cut cases of misogyny combined with the anti-sex backlash perpetrated by the feminists who deign to speak for all of us. Again, it's not that Susie is one of those people, it's just that I see feminism as one of many complex contributors to internet censorship, not just a victim of it.
So what IS a clear cut case of anti-woman, ignorance-enforcing internet censorship? When credit card companies and their processors tell me my body (and yours, if you're a woman) is OBSCENE when I'm menstruating and I'm not allowed to talk about it or show pictures of it or have sex with myself or other people while I'm having my period on any domain where I make money selling my porn. When they spider our sites looking for banned words, take them out of context and threaten to take away our ability to be paid for our work even when it IS political, educational, artistic, etc. Guess what? Google is not the entity afraid of my bloody pussy. Google is not the entity hiding or demanding I delete blog entries discussing political, legal and ethical issues containing banned words. I just have to cross my fingers when I make posts like this one that they won't come fuck with me, but technically I am defying their terms of service right now by posting this and could have my business shut down because of it. And it's not just "the man" who's against me, it's the (other) feminists, too.
Censorship isn't something you can blame all on men and their holy penises and their desire to stamp out feminism. And I'm starting to rethink that great old joke she mentioned; "if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament." It's totally true, but I'll bet if that were the case today, feminists would quickly become the new pro-lifers. The gender wars are far from one-sided and I've been hit by a whole fucking lot of "friendly fire" over here on "our" side.
I know I'm being oversensitive and carelessly lobbing my own grenades in the wrong direction at people who are my allies, but oversimplifying everything as "anti-feminist" undermines all of our arguments and neglects to acknowledge the ways that some of feminism's "successes" have led to these failures along the way. There's a bit Bill Maher does that annoys the FUCK out of me to listen to (off-topic sidenote: I didn't like much about "Religulous", fyi), but I can't help thinking of it right now because some of it's true and applicable:
My guess is that banning "clitoris" has very little (if anything) to do with a campaign to censor feminist thought and information and women's bodies, and a whole lot more to do with thoughtlessness along with this thing Bill Maher talks about, with men trained to bow to "feminized"/feminINE values that anything that makes them erect is BAD. When you layer that onto the big problems that we SHOULD be focusing on like a) the people that make decisions in big companies being men, and b) men assuming everyone who uses their tools (like search engines) ARE men, and c) all men are straight, you wind up with guys jumping to the conclusion that any search for a clitoris is one that's going to make someone bust a nut and is therefore unsafe. Or maybe a whole lot of confused and retarded thought WAS put into it (with a, b and c still factored in) and they decided that since, as feminists will proudly point out to you, they've heard that clitoris is the only organ with the sole function of PLEASURE, and MEN HAVE BEEN TAUGHT THAT THEIR PLEASURE IS BAD if they experience it themselves, especially by objectifying women in pictures or on the internet, that it should be banned. Or maybe it's totally ridiculous to imagine ANY THOUGHT WHATSOEVER went into this arbitrary "decision". I highly doubt that a bunch of people came together in a room with a picture of a cock on one side of the chalkboard and a vulva on the other, and came to a consensus that CLITORIS is a dirty word but PENIS isn't, and high-fived each other on the way out the door saying, "right on, man! Another way to stick it to feminism!!"
Ultimately I think it's paranoid to say, "it's been clear for a long time that the giant obscene "F" word in Internet censorship is feminism." And untrue. And I say that as someone who believes it IS true that feminism (and accurate information about women) is censored, misrepresented, considered obscene and something to quash and oppose on a very large, grand scale. I just don't think that's the case here with google and the clitoris, and if you want to point at double standards, the more glaring one is ignoring how much power and influence feminists and women in general have had and continue to wield in censoring the internet, art, and women who capitalize (the first offense) on men's desires by selling them access to their bodies (second offense). It's wrong to imply that feminist writers, artists, etc. have suffered more from internet censorship than pornographers.
Sure, feminist writers, artists, etc. make less money than smut peddlers as a whole, but that disparity has nothing to do with censorship - porn makes money in SPITE of censorship that FAVORS women writers and artists (who don't create graphic material that is VISUAL), and is DEMANDED by the tag team duo of feminists and conservative women. You want to know why most women don't make money on the internet? BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO. Because they don't even try. Because they are content sitting around bitching and blogging and crying on each other's shoulders feeling superior because they aren't whores motivated by money, no they care about PRINCIPLES and getting warm fuzzies commiserating with each other and expect the "community" to take care of them rather than creating something marketable and making enough money to buy influence and support their causes themselves. Because they rely on the man to pay them just enough that they can bitch about it being unfair and that they only do it because they HAVE to, rather than BECOMING the man long enough and with enough success that they can subvert the system. Women don't make money because they love just scraping by and they think that makes them superior to men, because they don't think big except in terms of imagining some big plot designed to keep them barefoot and pregnant.
Whatever. Enough of this baloney -- I need to stop being a hypocrite and make me some fucking money.
I'm glad there's still no clear winner from yesterday's pick-me-a-blog-topic post because I don't have enough time to blog or masturbate or do anything enjoyable except snatch some tv while we're eating as therapy to recover from the stress of . . . not having enough time/having time sucked up by STUPID stuff. Uncreative, unsexy, uninspiring, frustrating, lame-ass, stupid stuff.
Specifically? Too many hours spent over three (not consecutive, phew!) days replacing our router. Summing it up in one sentence like that hardly seems fair to me and only makes ME look stupid. Like only a dumb fuck could lose days of work on what sounds like such a simple little task. But it wasn't simple (and even when it was, it was still excruciatingly time and money-consuming) and was connected to many other things. Being a camgirl/pornographer? So not fucking glamorous most of the time. And it's not just me: pretty much all of my fellow camgirl/pornographer friends are constantly battling the same obnoxious tech shit that interrupts the fun parts of our jobs and makes us all want to just go bathe in gravy-covered carbs. Tech problems are the ultimate turn-off.
Sometimes when my eyeballs feel like they're about to pop out of my head from the force of my frustration and I start hyperventilating and looking around for things to throw out the window (or AT the window while it's still closed so they'll both make satisfyingly loud shattering sounds), I try to calm down by asking myself, "what would I do if I were an Officer on the Starship Enterprise? I certainly wouldn't behave like this, even if WebWhore Headquarters were about to blow up in forty-five seconds!" Patience! Faith in one's own problem-solving abilities! Barely a sense of urgency: just a confident, one-step-at-a-time pursuit of a solution with nary a raise in my heart rate.
So far this technique hasn't worked for me. But maybe someday it will; it's dorky enough that it might do the trick when nothing else can. Or maybe I just shouldn't skip my Ritalin.
Tomorrow night we're going to *try* to trek to Ron's to do some shooting for IMakePorno. Hopefully I'll have gotten most of my "asshole" out of my system today, part of my tax return done (I *have* to get that done, like, yesterday), my hair colored (it's the color of faded, sun-dried feces from a malnourished cat right now) and have time to pack and plan before we get there.
I am a Starfleet Officer, though. I can do anything.
Actually, I'm like an unholy (and super-irritating) union between Barclay, O'Brien (cranky DS9, O'B) and Quark. Sprinkled with the annoyingly pompous, bossy, hypercritical, controlling, buttinsky loudness of Kira and Riker.
Yes, you *should* feel sorry for my friends and family.
*now that my partner identifies as a chick, does that make me a lesbian?
*what's the latest on our conception attempts?
*how I spent many hours on two days not having hot sexy porno sex, but troubleshooting our sluggish internet connection and buying/installing a solution (and how the tech support kid totally tried to find out how to see me naked)
I'm afraid my previous post made it sound like I don't give a fuck about people's problems and that as soon as people complain about anything I just plug my ears and run for the hills; that's totally not true and I feel bad if I made anyone think I am not receptive to hearing about or reading about the shit people are dealing with. I was just afraid that I was coming off as one of those livejournal types where every single post is about how their processed cheese became grainy for some reason and their medication ran out and they didn't win the ebay auction for that great limited edition Jack Skellington figurine and maybe it was for the best since they lost their job at the espresso stand and had to drop two out of three classes at community college because their teachers were mean and why do their boyfriends want to lick them down there when obviously that's so gross and they don't know what to do because they found out their boyfriends looked at porn once. I don't want to be one of those people and that remark was made out of self-consciousness, not criticism of others (except those annoying livejournal types I described). I was NOT referring to any of my friends or blogs I regularly read on purpose whose troubles I WANT to hear/read about. Not that I want them to have troubles, but I am interested in and care about whatever is going on with them. Fuck, sometimes I actually do care about those LJ folks, too, and am bizarrely interested in their ebay problems.
I can't say for sure whether it will really make a difference in what I post here, but I'm always curious about people's . . . desires. Feel free to leave comments to elaborate if you want.
THE FOLLOWING IS BORING & BITCHY: READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL:
Today's been one of those where every little annoying task has been much more difficult than it should have. Even posting this poll, for example, took five failed attempts, edits, logging into other sites for help, etc. before it worked. This whole post-poll part of the entry? Didn't exist until that happened and I lost it and now just need to vent.
We received our three new 500 GB hard drives because we're totally MAXED OUT on storage space, especially with our new camera and the huge pictures in two different sizes we're posting for members. Tried to install one in just one of our Dells only to discover that their funny little proprietary blue mounting bracket/bay rails aren't in two of our machines. And are apparently impossible to order. Very cute. This discovered after much googling and a long annoying chat with a very slow customer service person.
I tell you these things not because I imagine you want to hear me bitching, but just to shed light on some of the less glamorous aspects of webwhoring and to explain why sometimes I don't have time to do nice things like reply to emails or, you know, create new content or get exercise so I won't be a fucking lard ass.
I also tried to do a couple of the bootstraps method of site promotion via webmaster boards where you make posts to try to get some attention to your "program" so you can get people to sign up and promote your sites, and submitting to lists and directories. Because somehow we need to be able to pay for the new camera and hard drives and computers that I speak of and the realistic way to do that is to get more traffic to our sites so we can get more sales. I have to say that really put me in a bad mood today because it is such a joyless, inefficient, uncreative use of my time, especially when I know how much easier and more effective it would be to have money to pay for advertising. That whole "it takes money to make money" adage is so so so true, and the American Dream / pull yourself up by your bootstraps mirage is such a tired old joke. You run up against forums that require you to make 10, 25 or even 100 inane worthless posts on "would you hit it" threads and other more brutally misogynistic topics (or worse, the ones where the people actually are TRYING to be thoughtful professionals but can't bare to restrain themselves from telling me my girlfriend and I shouldn't be allowed to have children or that I'm a legal threat to them because I dare to masturbate when I menstruate) or just really BORING stuff before you can make a post with a link to your site or even a fucking picture. TIME SUCK.
Or you submit one of your sites to a directory and only AFTER adding a reciprocal link to them and studying their directory to determine what wording & subdirectory, etc. would fit in and also garner attention do you hit "submit" and get a totally nonsensical error. These are the parts of my job that I would love to have the money to never ever have to do again, either by being able to pay other people to do it for me or to avoid it completely by paying for advertising the normal and efficient way: WITH MONEY.
And these are the reasons why no matter what anybody says in the poll? My options are limited simply because my time is (simply because my MONEY is). This is not a feel sorry for me post, it's just part of a record that includes contrast against the ways people who already HAVE money can run a business and/or produce lovely things like porn, art, or other pleasures. When you don't have a rich daddy or collateral you have small, tiny, torturous steps to make that really do seem like schemes by rich people to insure you never. Do. Get ahead. At least not ahead of THEM, and certainly not without damaging yourself in the process or being a completely manic workaholic on stimulants (and even then you'd shoot holes in your computer out of frustration at having to work so slowly through all the obstacles that a moneyed person could soar over without a hitch).
I think I feel extra sensitive about this today in part because lately I've been working pretty hard (not twenty-two year old hard, but harder than I have been over the past couple of years) and been just about as focused as an ADD person can. It's hard to see where it gets me except that I'm harder to be around ("don't INTERRUPT me! Can't you see I'm concentrating?") and my eyes are crossing from looking at the computer for so many hours at a stretch.
I actually have some really nice, pleasant, heart-warming things to blog about, but this bile rose to the surface tonight instead. My apologies, but I feel better now. Again, I would put this over on my bitchy blog instead of here, but I do think it's interesting not as leisure-reading, but as documentation of how porn entrepreneurs without startup money have to operate. It's especially frustrating to me when I have something GOOD to do (example: finishing a private diary entry that I started IN APRIL for members about one of my students, began re-researching/refreshing my memory to finish last night, and have had no time to properly immerse myself in today). And instead I'm spinning my wheels doing drudge work.
I grumble whenever I read a blog post, a letter to the editor or anything intended for a general audience using an acronym or abbreviation that hasn't been spelled out; unless you are writing for a special audience of people you shouldn't assume everyone will know what you mean when you type out XYXY blah blah blah.
Today I found myself *especially* annoyed when I read this email about who qualifies for affirmative action when choosing delegates for State and National conventions:
*The WA State goals of their 97 delegates is: 6 African Americans, 3 Native Americans, 10 Hispanics, 3 Youth (between 18 and 24), 7 LGBT (if you have to ask- you are not one), 9 Asian Americans, 3 disabled
Sigh. And if you are too busy being cute or evasive that you can't spell it out, then your email isn't really helpful in answering people's FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions). FYI: LGBT stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bi(sexual), Transgender.
I know I'm guilty of assuming my readers understand the terms I use. I know I don't always explain things as well as I could (and am sometimes just guilty of shitty writing, like the way I totally didn't explain up there that the reason I *got* that email was because I am an Obama delegate to one of the low-level meetings where they decide who becomes a delegate to the NEXT level and so on; if you're a minority, you have a better chance of being selected to move on). And I know that other people who drop acronyms without defining them are usually in a hurry or DO write for people who share their specialized knowledge (though I think they can really alienate people who DON'T but are seriously trying to understand the writer; it bugs me when unnecessary hurdles are placed between me and information). This case just REALLY chaps my hide because the person writing it 1) acknowledges that some people might not know what it stands for, 2) decides that the information isn't applicable to anyone who DOESN'T know, 3) decides to withhold the information when it would take just as many keystrokes to spell it out as it did to deny us the information, and 4) is just really insulting and patronizing to people who aren't "in the know".
I'm sure the person writing it didn't MEAN to be an asshole, but it's so TYPICAL of Democrats and "Liberals" who are so busy bullshitting themselves and each other with their social awareness and intellectual elitism that they don't even bother to notice that THEY AREN'T HELPING OR EDUCATING ANYBODY outside of their literati circle jerks. Oh, sure, most people these days probably have an idea of what LGBT stands for and I wouldn't have even batted an eye at the acronym if it weren't for the flip secret-password remark afterwards.
I imagine there are a lot of people, older people or even younger people just becoming self-aware, who don't go to fucking rallies and meetings and parades and stuff and maybe have not even given any thought to the possibility that they are part of a special group. I feel like too many people assume that the whole world is full of social butterflies and they don't GET that some people don't identify with the cliques and the crowds and the activists with their secret codes and handshakes. And WHY do you want your readers to have to interrupt the flow of reading whatever it is you supposedly want them to hear and understand just so they can consult a dictionary or encyclopedia or google to find out something you could have explained in four words or less?
I would be more sympathetic if the authors of these things were writing a fucking telegram or a tweet or something else short and sweet BUT THEY NEVER ARE!! These people invariably have the time and energy to write at least fifty-nine exhausting paragraphs telling you more information than you could possibly ever want or need, letting you know what they had for breakfast and how many hours they slept the night before and every single model of camera they've had since they were in Kindergarten, but they refuse to trouble themselves with two to ten words that are actually fucking relevant. You torture yourself reading these people's writing, you know they have something important to say, and while you're giving yourself a migraine staring intently at your monitor they HURL these sharp pointy rocks at you every so often just to break up the monotony: ASFW! MRPQ! WOS-VINA!!
Anyway, I shot myself in the foot (as I like to do) by writing back to the person who sent the email:
It *is* possible for someone to be "LGBT" without knowing the politically correct and cool acronym that goes along with it. I'm not sure what is accomplished by acknowledging some people might not know what it stands for and then denying them the explanation. Also, people who AREN'T queer or transgender might like to be in the know; it would help raise awareness where it's lacking. Just because people are interested in participating in this particular process doesn't mean they are politically savvy about every special interest group out there.
I'm sure whoever wrote this didn't mean to be insulting or maybe they were just in a hurry when writing it, but it would have taken about the same amount of keystrokes to spell it out as to dismiss the information as inapplicable to anybody who doesn't already know. I feel like a lot of communiques (not just this one) from the Dems assume readers have information that many do not; it alienates people by making them feel like they're not part of the in-group and undermines real communication and education when all it would take is a couple extra words typed out to introduce acronyms. If the goal is to make people aware and invite them to become involved then why not spell it out instead of withholding the information?
I know it seems like a small thing and I'm not trying to make anyone feel badly about it; but it did chap my hide a little. It's not a big deal, but it can be frustrating when I (and maybe other people) read these emails and feel like they're not really written for everyone who identifies as a Democrat in this county, but are intended for people who are already super-involved and up-to-speed on everything. I don't need a reply or anything, and I do know what LGBT stands for . . . just offering it as food for thought.
I know, I know -- you have to be living under a ROCK to not know what LGBT stands for, right? But there are lots of people living under rocks, many of them quite happily, and they are JUST the people who DO need to know what LGBT stands for so when you alienate them? It's really counterproductive.
And you know what else? If I hadn't read that email I wouldn't have known that I actually have an on-paper edge for going to the next level; yes, I *did* think about my sexuality and my partner's gender identity as things that make me special/representative of a minority group, but I totally hadn't thought about it being, like, OFFICIAL. And seriously, I actually have had and will continue to have qualms about counting myself as part of that minority group because I believe the *majority* of people are bisexual and I don't believe I've "suffered" enough personal persecution because of my pansexuality to "deserve" to check a special box; this might come as a shock, but I spend a lot more of my time thinking about porn and sex work and promiscuity and making money than I do about the intersection of my comparatively mundane sexual preferences with personal political privilege (I think about it with regards to OTHER people and I think about how scary it is to live next to violent misogynist rednecks while in an "alternative" relationship but I just didn't happen to wander across thinking about affirmative action having anything to do with me *personally* in an up-and-coming kind of way; I think about the ideas of things and sometimes the reality of them comes as a total shock). So guess what? If *I* have trouble knowing how to identify myself, I of the blogs and websites and open-mindedness and college-education and whatever, then it's not hard for me to imagine a whole lot of other people are unsure too. I mean, I'm pretty sure that at least half the individuals in the world know less than I know (individually, not combined!). Not to be an asshole, but seriously. FWIW.
WTF? LGBT FTW.
Oh, I know similar complaints could be made about using "big" words that the average reader doesn't use on a daily basis (if ever), but I honestly think big words are different from acronyms; you can usually suss out the meaning of a big word based on context clues and familiar-sounding PARTS of the word. If not, the reader has only missed out on ONE word, not a whole batch like those contained in an acronym which is often the subject of the sentence, not just some fancy-sounding adjective thrown in for its saucy sound.
As I keep on creating new blogs it's felt like I needed a better way to collect and post more of my blogging in one place, so that's what I'm doing on Trixie.com. It's not that I want to abandon my individual blogs because a lot of people are only interested in one of them and they SHOULD stay topical, but other people might be interested in having MORE all in one place/using one RSS feed.
As you can see there's also a long column of thumbs leading to free porn galleries I've handpicked that I hope people will find entertaining when my blogging is not.
Anyway, I still have a lot of behind-the-scenes fine-tuning and tedious tasks to do to make it work AND a few more important pages to write, but I still think it's worth visiting as-is. The design is nothing fancy, just a free wordpress template, but I actually really love its format and like the idea of letting the content speak for itself.
I want people who go there to a) remember my name, b) sense that I am a real person and know a little bit about who that person is (and recognize that they could know a whole lot more by sticking around or returning), and c) want to come back.
My favorite Christmas present was having Juno come to our town's theatre and getting to watch it with Kris, and seeing Diablo Cody win an Oscar last night for writing Juno was like an early birthday present.
Here's a video of Kris and I at the movies GUSHING over Diablo:
For me, Diablo represents the very best of what the blogosphere and web voyeurism/exhibitionism offer: the opportunity to watch another human's story unfold and experience success along the way. To develop high hopes for someone and cheer for them when things go well. To recognize someone's talent, observe that recognition snowballing, and see her REWARDED for it. It's very fulfilling, and not in a vicarious I-can-now-imagine-it-happening-to-me way, but just in the basic sense of caring about someone and being extremely happy for her.
Of course, she *is* also a symbol to me, too (on top of just being an awesome human); seeing a woman on that stage who has stripped and worked the peeps doing hardcore masturbation shows for money now getting respect for her non-sex work while everyone knows about her stint in sex work is Pretty Fucking Cool.
Anyway, we have (one of) her shining moment(s) recorded on our DVR now and have watched it about 35 times in the past 23 hours; I have cried every single time. And can I just say that she looked fucking fabulous, too?
I have a feeling I'm going to regret posting these little video rants with my thoughts and reactions to the whole "Letters from Working Girls" debate. And you may very well regret listening to them; honestly, they probably won't make sense to you unless you read the back story here:
Can I just apologize in advance for being a sputtering asshole? Oh, and I realize by posting this I'm probably just driving my own little slice of traffic to her; in spite of how my blustering sounds, that's more than fine with me. Also, I am NOT speaking for anybody or on the behalf of anybody but myself.
Oh, you know how I said I couldn't find a picture of Susannah Breslin? I *did* find a video of her:
She reminds me of Selma Blair (hot!) which makes me even MORE interested in finding out exactly what type of sex work I can hire her to perform. Watching her talk about a book of short stories she wrote and hearing her blur the line between truth and fiction to the point where I can't tell if the book is, indeed, short (fictional) STORIES she wrote about "aberrants" like "midget porn stars" OR nonfictional essays about real people. Does anyone know? The promo piece reinforces my sense of her as someone who's less interested in being true to people's real stories in the sex industry and more interested in harnessing our curiosity about them to market entertaining tales of our perceived deviance for her own gain. Again, I don't so much mind someone exploiting a resource (I'm not someone who thinks there's no room in the world for pimps) as I mind someone bullshitting everyone about that being their primary objective.
And hey, I don't want to make it sound like my own hands are clean; I've used a lot of the same tactics (or would if I could unclutter my mind long enough to APPLY the techniques of efficient exploitation), just not very well. So go on, everybody! GET that publicity! GET that traffic!! USE WHAT YOU'RE GIVEN!!! Wankers send you material? THAT IS BLOG FODDER! Someone wants to give you content without getting anything in return except the pleasure of putting it before an audience? TAKE it and USE it! Let Susannah Breslin be your guide!
Oh, and I wouldn't argue with her about Susie Bright being a sex worker. The quickest reason I can give (which still probably doesn't make sense)? She has confessed to her own personal fantasies that are so taboo as to be considered obscene by our government just to talk about them. Maybe Breslin has, too, though and I'm just not familiar enough with her (sex?) work to know.
Note: with the amount of time and energy I've wasted on this compared to the MAJOR stuff I ignore in my blog, you might think engaging in this little brouhaha is somehow more important to me than other things; it's not. It's just one of the few "discussions" I've been involved in lately and enjoyed, probably because it was mostly smart women doing the discussing (and yeah, Breslin is one of those women, too).
It's been a long time since I participated in one of these sex-blog circle-jerks; I'm surprising myself by posting the entire list since a lot of the ones I thought were really great or worthwhile did not earn top props -- I'm sort of amazed at how many fantastic sex bloggers are out there, not all of them my cup of tea but a lot of them ARE. Those of you who've found my own blogging less sexy than in the good old days might find some new favorites amongst the links collected here:
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants:
This Week’s Picks:
A Fable “They start touching her, gingerly at first, wondering what magic is in her.”
"My last attempt at hooking up with a chick led to her becoming utterly put out with me because I wouldn’t take a $40 cab ride to her house to immediately rape her. This, by our second conversation."
*Mistress Matisse on her college education and lack of a degree. It was a blissful moment, realizing that I never wondered for a fucking second what kind of schooling Matisse did or didn't have, and knowing that no one who reads her has to wonder whether or not she is EDUCATED. Schooling can be wonderful, but it's also overrated; I treasure stories from happy, successful, smart people who dropped out of school somewhere along the way.
*Dacia questions Reverse Cowgirl's co-opting of sex workers' stories. It's worth following all of the links, reading the comments and giving it some thought yourself. I think I vaguely recall Reverse Cowgirl's blog going down for a period of time years ago (2003?) after which I abandoned reading it (shortly after discovering it, so I never got really "into" it). I do not relish the idea of someone who deletes blog history or is in the habit of abandoning her blogs compiling a bunch of stories by other people only to have them mysteriously disappear or be gathered up, deleted, and perhaps be republished in a book. Since she *is* a published author/more experienced (and, I assume, more ambitious) with publishing than your average hobbyist blogger, I'm curious if she has plans beyond the blogs for these stories she's collecting and, if so, if she gets permission from the contributors for future/other uses (my guess is no, since the contributions are anonymous). Just thinking out loud and hypothesizing here.
*REVIVE PODCAST & DO MORE VIDEO BLOGGING One of many reasons (all rooted in bizarre insecurities) I dropped off the podcast map before I really got started (but AFTER I'd been happily making informal phone posts since before podcasting became popular) was sorta because vlogging picked up at the same time and suddenly there seemed to be so many different tools and ways of doing what I'd BEEN doing (informally) over the phone without much thought. I started getting performance anxiety about it and feel overwhelmed by the need to research all of the different tools and techniques and platforms and places to syndicate and worrying that everyone would lose interest in audio without video. At the same time the service I'd been using to make phoneposts died and the service I switched to (hipcast) requires me to remember a lot more numbers and codes to make a post.
Whatever. I got a new microphone and am going to let go of my worries and just ramble the way I used to (okay, with maybe a little more focus) and start posting more video, too.
*WATCH LESS TELEVISION I've gained a lot of weight and we have a lot less sex since we got Directv. I don't want to give up television altogether (even though I was perfectly happy without it for years) and I don't feel a morsel of regret or shame over watching every episode of "Flavor of Love", so it's not really that I want to watch less tv (in fact, I fully intend to catch up on "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila" which looks to be GROUNDBREAKING), it's that I want to do more of the other things I love (dancing, listening to music, fucking, reading, etc.). I think voyeurs will appreciate seeing us paying more attention to each other than the small screen.
In order to motivate myself to watch less television I've decided that before each time we turn it on, I'll figure out something I really want to do that's enjoyable (dance around the living room listening to Traveling Wilburys Vol. 3, for example, or exchanging foot baths with Delia), and keep that in mind, promising myself to do it after the show we're watching is over. A lot of times I'll lie in bed watching SITCOM after SITCOM, groaning to myself that I need to get up, I have so much WORK to do, and I realize that vague whipsnaps of gigantic piles of WORK are not enough to get me enthusiastic about getting up out of bed. If I'm going to make myself stop watching tv to do work, then I need to promise myself to do something very specific that I've been looking forward to (a blog entry on a specific subject, for example - something manageable that I enjoy doing yet is more productive than rotting my brain).
Speaking of resolutions, Seska was(is?) looking for sexual resolutions. I guess the less tv is indirectly a resolution to have more sex, but I don't know think it SOUNDS sexy. And I don't want to (nor have I ever, as far as I can recall) make any New Year's sexual resolutions; I'd love to resolve to get pregnant, but that's clearly not how it works, at least not for me.
As some of you know, I've become addicted to twitter as a mini-blogging tool, a way to see what my colleagues and buddies are doing, and method of letting friends, fans and members know what *I* am doing.
It's also had the adverse effect of reducing my real blog time; my compulsion to blog about the daily and mundane has dwindled so it seems like I'm neglecting my blog for days on end. Here's a sample of daily posts that will cure the problem (from now on 24 hours of my tweets will automatically post at 3:30 in the morning, Pacific, every night):
Fair warning: I tend to tweet about pooping a lot. Oh, and I would love to see more of my blog buddies, fellow webwhores and fans on twitter. I don't like it for sending messages or engaging in mini-conversations, though, I prefer to use it in a more voyeuristic way. Here's my profile if you want to follow me or see what some of my buddies are twittering about.
17:15 Capturing video. Feeling stiff and exhausted for no reason whatsoever. Thinking I need some fresh air. #
18:00 Dizzy. Delia's fixing dinner. Searching online for plugin to make members contents indexed, categorized & searchable w/o major overhaul. #
19:38 Still dizzy & also nauseous now. Have to get ready for news flash. Really just want to sleep. #
20:08 Ugh. Got up for nothing; there's a glitch with my rude shows-I start my cam, wait in chat, no one comes in & I find I'm not on schedule. #
21:25 In the immortal words of Hank Williams, I'm so bloated I could die. Taking my fat ass back to bed with a book. SO MANY books, I *love*! #
01:34 A midtown Manhattan craiglister stole a Delia pic for his personal ad. Oh well, he left her url on it so I guess it's free advertising! #
10:43 Going to have some alone time with breakfast, then get ready for my show. Then DO my show. #
I know I already have the twitter "badge" in my sidebar so maybe this is redundant, but I don't like the way the flash badge doesn't have hyperlinks, messes up formatting, and seems to not have the most recent tweet displayed.
It's very strange to walk through a bookstore and have my eyes captured by so many familiar authors and editors: people I know through the blogosphere, people with whom I've exchanged emails and links, people I've met in "real" life, and even people who have or are about to send me contracts and checks to put my own work in their volumes. It's not the least bit glamorous, but it feels that way anyway because I know OTHER people (horny nineteen year old college girls with sensitive nipples, I hope) might think it's dreamy and impressive because they don't know any better. Right now it feels super cool to me because I feel like it happened to me by accident, without intent I'm a dork and it's COOL to look at names on the spines of books and think to myself, "talked to HIM on the phone, met HER on porn set, commiserated with HER regarding obnoxious blog fans, was stark naked at HER house, am quoted in THAT book, blah blah blah".
I can whittle the vanity down to something even simpler, though; it's delightful knowing some of those book people know who I am. It's neat-o to be in a public place surrounded by people who think books and the people who write them are really cool, and to feel "special" because some of those people whose names are on books because they're responsible for the content inside of them, SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE KNOW WHO *I* AM!!
Through my porn sites I have attained a degree of immortality. It sounds crazy, but it's true and it fascinates me. So much of the work I do amplifies and extends my living; I do feel like I'm more alive because so many people KNOW that I'm living, WATCH me living, READ me living, etc. It's heady, powerful stuff that overfeeds my most basic, primitive survival instincts. Maybe my own instincts have gone off the rails or I'm unwittingly describing the hallmarks of some kind of pathology, but whatever. Some people cheat death through extreme sports to feel more alive, some people have kids, some people perform acts of heroism . . . but I feel more alive simply because a few bloggy book people (along with thousands of men who've become erect and spilled seed over my web-graven images) know who I am.
The idea of low-level celebrity is becoming more and more intriguing to me as it becomes more common in our world and as I attain some of it in a barely-measurable way. If Kathy Griffin is D-list, I guess I'm somewhere around Y, which as you know is right next to nothing; it may not be much, but it's an eye-opening position granting me a zillion unblocked views into the various phenomena associated with fame and its varying degrees. Even if you are decidedly NOT famous, if there are a dozen people in the world who assume you must be and they communicate that assumption to you in a prone position of worship you DO learn something about the condition. Most of the time you just snicker to yourself because the concept of YOU being FAMOUS is ludicrous and hysterical, but you still have to recognize that you're experiencing something that most people don't and in that way you are exceptional. You are, for example, the exception in the bookstore, not the rule.
Fucking has been a daily event for the past few days, and will continue to be for the next couple of weeks as we continue trying to get pregnant. Thanks to some good timing with Netflix and some splendid hand-me-downs from a blog reader (thank you very much for Mr. Beaver and Squirm Sockets, which I especially like), we have some hot movies to accompany our wholesome procreative sex efforts. WARNING TO VOYEURS: if you're expecting wild, nonstop sex in a variety of positions during our baby-making attempts you're bound to be disappointed. We don't want to overdo it, and we're aiming to finish in the missionary position every time for maximum spooge retention.
I'm now going to go poop. The reason I'm telling you this is because it makes me feel so ALIVE when I talk about pooping. If I pooped and nobody knew about it, I would feel half-dead, but knowing that my stinky essential ritual of daily life is haunting strangers around the world? I feel like a god. Like a god who doesn't carelessly use his divinity to give up on pooping, because a true god knows that it feels so pleasurable when the poop stretches the anus.
The weather is now gloriously cooler and damper than when we shot these pics, which are my last bonafide summer photos for 2007:
So, what have I been up to?
*Tweeting instead of blogging (though I've actually been laboring for a week over a blog entry involving scary pussy pics; I'll post it one of these days, but both the writing and the topic are near-tragic)
*Setting up our cool new schedule for fans of our shows and spycams; it's a google calendar and a much better way to communicate exactly where and when we'll be "performing" since we appear on more than ten different sites regularly (three spycam sites, three cam show networks, and an assortment of venues for private shows and phone sex).
*Fucking (we are still trying to get pregnant, and it's consuming a sort of big area of my attention especially since it's connected to Delia's transition; she/we had her last therapy appointment to get the go-ahead for a report to an endocrinologist recommending her for hormones; if we don't get pregnant now, or even if we do, we also want to have some of her sperm frozen which is a whole project in itself requiring money, research, and determining what her sperm count is in the first place). I'll write more about that in other blogs and post links when I do.
*Doing fun camshows and chat sessions while also suffering a moderately nasty weekend headache which I've decided to blame on Celestial Seasonings Roastaroma tea, which I LOVE but inexplicably (and perhaps only coincidentally) winds up with me having a migraine the day after I drink a cup.
*Housecleaning (a soul-sucking yet mildly gratifying labor after you invest enough hours into it and stay focused on one thing at a time); we have fresh flannels on our bed, a clean mossy-green wet-autumn-colored comforter, and my nightstand crumbs and piles have been dispersed. The television is dusted and windexed, ready to shine the light of fall programming on our stupefied faces; I've not been this "into" television since I was ten years old and plotted my life around the tv guide when I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I just happened to pick up one of my favorite crap magazines with ads and descriptions of all the new shows popping up on the networks so I decided to try something new (because I seriously have never ever done this in my entire life): I want to watch all of the pilots, even the dumb ones that I really don't want to see. Okay, I've already failed because I'm *not* going to watch that new Frasiery newscaster show, but I am totally looking forward to Kid Nation and Dirty Sexy Money. Does anyone have any guesses as to whether the Geico caveman show is going to suck or be great? I'm one of the apparent millions who loves those commercials and am hoping they aren't just ruining a good thing making a whole series out of it. I'm very curious about how the copyrights and stuff work for that (but not curious enough to google it and actually find out who paid who what to make it happen).
*Stressing out a little about money since our extension to file our taxes expires next month. On a positive note, I feel myself gearing up for a cycle of productivity and happy hard work. I feel like I'm just coming out of a period of slack time. It's been great to feel less driven and consumed by work; I needed to slow down a little and have more lazy time. I feel ready to step up and put my nose back down to the grindstone, though. It's dysfunctional, but I do feel more excited and motivated when I'm on the brink of financial ruin (like maybe not being able to pay our 2006 taxes while I'm still making payments on 2005). I know, I know, some of you nervous nellies are aghast that we're considering creating our own small human under such dire circumstances, but seriously; the worst case scenarios are really not all that bad. And I'm not genuinely concerned "the worst" or even anything all that bad will happen. Call me crazy, but just do it in your own bubble and not in the comments because I don't want to hear it. I already know I'm insane. We don't need to discuss it.
Now? I pass on the love to five of my favorite chick bloggers:
GODDESS GLORY I've been dying to have a free week to focus solely on writing an ode to Goddess Glory and all of the reasons I admire and cherish her. Without taking a week to do so right now, I'll just introduce her by saying that she's an unshaven, ball-busting, enema-loving, awe-inspiring, mesmerizing, W-O-M-A-N. She's also one of those rare and splendid people with a complex and highly-developed sense of self-defined VALUES that she applies to everything she does. The Almighty Glorious Glory is an earnest philosophizer, and a head-spinning dual-character of humility and divinity, lover and fighter.
ADORABLE AUDREY What makes Audrey a Rockin' Girl Blogger? Is it her frequent postings of alluring girl-next-door photographs? Is it her readability? Is it her sincerity? Of course it's all of those things, but for me, personally, it's her consummate professionalism. I'm a sucker for an extraordinary work ethic, and Audrey's is truly top-notch. I hate to mention it since "great work ethic" probably sounds boring to most people, but to me it's not just a laudable characteristic -- it's fucking HOT. Audrey is the kind of person who does ten times as much and does it all ten times better than 99% of the webgirls I know, all while maintaining a relaxed and alluring demeanor. Aside from "spectacular work ethic" being super-sexy to me personally, it's super-sexy from a porn consumer's standpoint because she delivers way more to her customers than they could ever afford to pay for. PRICELESS, she is.
EX-MILLENNIAL GIRL Stefanie is a GIFT. She writes with ease, humour, honesty, humility and acuity about herself, addiction and stripping. She's got talent and her own voice, and if you haven't been reading her you should fucking start from the beginning and catch the fuck up BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN/ARE MISSING OUT. She has the skill to tell her story so that it's accessible to anyone; you don't have to be a girl or an addict or a stripper or a customer to get it. You also don't have to worry about getting totally depressed; while a lot of the subject matter IS depressing, she's got a subtle positivity vibe that keeps you on an even keel emotionally without being Pollyanna-ish.
KRIS MADISON Most of you who know me well are probably also acquainted with Kris so I hope I don't have to expand on her many readily-apparent appealing qualities. Instead, I'd like to share something about her you might NOT know about: she knows a lot about a lot of stuff. Again, this probably sounds like a cop-out of a compliment to some people, but it's one of those qualities *I* am attracted to and that might be missed simply because she doesn't advertise it on her blog (which is part of what makes her blog readable; it's focused and coherent). Kris is the kind of person who loves to research and quietly infiltrate subcultures and niche areas of industry and expertise. She holds stuff in her head and applies it to her many (secret ninja) projects; you cannot have a conversation with this woman without her stealthily revealing yet another cache of knowledge on something intriguing you've never heard about before. In terms of her blog, I appreciate its readability even more because if *I* knew as much as Kris does, it would not be possible for me to present an organized thought. I would just say things like, "I deplete ATM manna pool now cheeseburger hack this ebook ROI point shoot traffic hymen matrix. Eh?"
SESKA Here's what I love about Seska's blog: ZERO PRETENSION. With all of the people and stuff Seska knows, the projects she's involved in and the respect she has earned inside (and outside) the adult industry, her blog never reads like it's full of insider-information that only the "cool" people will understand, and for that reason it feels very intimate and personal, like private notes she's writing just to you and herself. She never just *assumes* you have knowledge about the industry or sex or women or her hobbies or books or television or anything; she always gently guides you into her world by describing and defining each term, event and niche-reference she uses. A major pet peeve of mine are bloggers whose writing is so rife with obscure references, acronyms, geek-speak, etc. that they only can be understood by a very small portion of the population 10% of the time; I find that so aggravating that people like Seska and Kris stand out for taking the time to make their blogs readable. And as far as the zero pretension thing goes, as a person and web personality part of why she's outstanding is she extends respect to all of her readers and to people in general; her blogging and interactions with other people do not rely upon witty criticisms or laughing at other people. Seska is always refreshingly kind and that is pretty fucking unique and inspiring in the world of blogs and men.
I admit that I awarded these gals with "Rockin' Girl Blogger" awards based less on their blogs and more on everything I know about them. I also have to admit that this took me FOREVER to write: over three hours, in fact. Let this be another lesson to non-bloggers about the kind of stuff it takes for Rockin' Girl Bloggers to do what we do -- IT TAKES TIME. Maybe I'm just a dumbass and it takes forever and a day for me to write stuff that would take a normal person ten minutes to write, but my guess is that the majority of people who don't write have NO idea the amount of time and energy put into it. Allow me to take this opportunity to thank Angela of ZenFetish for honoring me by taking that time to give me such very warm fuzzies.
I've not gotten addicted to any web phenoms like youtube, myspace, or any of that (besides blogger and protopage, of course). But today I discovered twitter and it's PERFECT for my compulsive desire to log everything and make sure people know what I'm doing:
I posted my twitter "badge" in my sidebar (over there to the left, in pink) so you can see my latest updates. I'm considering other places to post it (phone sex listings? Members-only page?) It would be a perfect way to alleviate the paranoia I sometimes feel that my voyeurs are thinking that whatever I'm doing at my desk is not nearly as productive as getting naked and chatting with them would be.
I also love up-to-the-minute coverage (in brief) of what people I adore are doing.
On my "to do" list for May 23rd was "add Calico to blog links".
So much time has passed that now I can't remember who Calico is or where her blog might be. Does anyone have an idea? If so, please post a link in the comments.
I don't allow myself a lot of idle surfing time or stats-checking so I often miss out on noticing people who link to me or are bloggers I'd like to read regularly. FYI: I did just add a handful of new (to me) links to the sidebar but I need to find this Calico person if she was important enough to put in a to-do.
Okay, I got her: Dominatrix Next Door. She's a beautiful redhead with well-rounded posts and I must have put her on my to-do list because of this post, which I probably read right when I was flying high and thoughtful reading the latest $pread, too.
Imagine being a girl and working really hard to earn the reputation of a respected voice in the world of tech journalism and blogging -- a world populated by disproportionately more men than women -- and to find yourself the target object of a hate-filled Web site. The tone and content of the hate site centers around sexually threatening you, suggesting ways you could be killed and have your corpse defiled, stating that you are a 'slut' and that your gender is also in question. Your straight male colleagues don't have this problem.
I've had some horrible things said to me online as a webwhore, but honestly NOTHING as calculated and fanatical as the venom of these people tormenting female tech bloggers. Of course, when I *do* get trolled it's almost always in response to something I've done or said that challenges gender roles or people's religious or political beliefs. Fucking Tucker with a strap-on, for example, set off my only vehement stalker/critic who carried on for years with his fantasy of how my dad must have "tickled my taco" and turned me into a depraved ass-raping lunatic. I also get a considerable amount of freaking-out and hostile chatter from the peanut gallery during my group shows when I have the AUDACITY to, you know, SPEAK rather than moan like a sick whale while spreading my holes. Hearing a camgirl talk about current events really pisses off a lot of guys. I can totally understand if it frustrates a person looking for pure porn and they don't want to stay and listen to the chatter, but the level of anger these guys spew because a woman DARED to stray out of fuckhole-mode reaches beyond mere frustration and into the realm of a virtual lynching where they are trying to punish me for stepping out of line.
Reading this article makes me realize how much safer I am in certain respects as a webWHORE than as a woman trying to make it in a "legit" male-dominated industry. It's scary. SCARY! I have to admit that I actually think the Kathy chick got a little carried away over that panty-face photochop, though. It's hard to say since I didn't see it in context, but on its own I have a hard time imagining I'd be afraid to leave my yard because of it or anything said with a similar tone. On porn "webmaster" boards we hear the same kind of violent misogynistic crap-spewing and it never really occurred to me to not attend a webmaster conference because of the things those people say and obviously THINK about women. It's not that I don't think those people are potentially dangerous, it's that I THINK MOST MEN ARE POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS. Everywhere. Anywhere. I don't need to read their anonymous internet posts and comments to suddenly be clued into that truth -- I've known it my whole life. Women have every reason to be afraid whenever they are alone in a strange place or in the company of strange men or even men they think they know really well. Do you really need to have someone post a picture of you with a photoshopped noose around your neck for you to feel threatened? Fuck, I feel threatened just walking to and from the grocery store alone.
I'm not trying to downplay the severity of the very personal threats to these women, I'm just saying that all. women. are. in danger. all. of the time. The fact that any of us are surprised when these threats come to light sort of boggles my mind. Still, the format of these threats to these bloggers along with what triggered them is very telling and worthy of attention.
Hmmm. I keep coming back to this entry to edit it and have to do it again after following more of the links and reading more of the context and, well, HMMMMMMmmmmm. I have a hard time relating to some of the dramatic responses to some of the heckling. When it comes to putting people's families in jeopardy by destroying their privacy or sending harrassing and explicitly threatening emails I think that is criminal. But having the police say that a photoshopped picture of a woman with panties over her face is an overt physical threat is going WAY too far.
When I'm in hermit mode I *love* to do work that only requires lower-level thinking skills: stuff that's repetitive and allows me to get into a mind-numbing rhythm where I can hyperfocus on the trivial details of the task at hand. Jobs where I can totally lose myself.
One of those jobs is adding galleries to my neglected/underdeveloped/unfinished free porn site. Another is finding photos and clips to post and write about over at my Live WebWhores blog. I seriously wish I could spend a couple of weeks doing nothing but writing blog entries there, and then at least a full workday or two per month after that. Does it qualify as work? Yeah, it does; I promote iFriends from that Live WebWhores blog.
I know some people think we webwhores are supposed to pretend that we do all of this sex work and blogging PURELY for the sheer pleasure and sexual ecstasy of it, but I simply must ruin the mystique of it to tell you that every time someone joins iFriends for free from one of my sites I actually make more money on that free join than when someone joins MY site and pays for it. Wacky, huh? The truth is I could make more money promoting other people's sites for 25% of the work and legal risks and at 5% of the expense of running our own sites. That fact on its own should mitigate any damage I've done by reminding people that I do this work for profit since I clearly must love operating our sites if I continue to do it in spite of the fact that I could make more money with less effort in other ways.
As it stands, I enjoy so many aspects of this industry that I can't help scattering my efforts all over the place. It's nice to have a job for every mood even though it makes it a challenge to make efficient time-management decisions. In the end, I think it's pretty healthy and cool. And fuck, I really need to make more time to CONSUME porn and enjoy it; it doesn't make sense for me to make porn but allow myself so little time to peruse other people's. Example: best movie gallery I stumbled upon today: self-conscious slightly-dorky but-still-hot guy tugging himself outside. These are thing I *need* to see, right??
DONKEY PUNCH While we're on the subject of "things that offend Trixie", I'll add the donkey punch to the list. Everytime I see those two words together (donkey + punch) it makes me want to don a pair of stilettos with razors partially embedded in the heels, knock down the guy who mentioned it (hardy har har), shit on his face, and kick him until he bleeds from the ears, then slit his throat.
Note: This entry is actually from 2004, something I wrote and saved in draft form but never actually published. Why oh WHY do I hold back these small blog treasures?
I've been "wasting" time tonight going through old blog entries trying to search for a particular entry I needed in order to write a follow-up. Since Blogger's search function SUCKS FUCKING ASS I had to go through my old blog entries fifty at a time to avoid getting errors. Anyway, it's incredibly vain, but I laughed my ass off listening to this old phone post (why OH WHY don't I make more entries like that?). I'm also trying to add post labels to my old entries which will take a long-ass time, but I can't wait to be able to offer people the option to surf JUST my rants or JUST my pics or JUST my "mundane" entries (I *know* everyone will be clicking on that category, immersing themselves in my dullest entries).
The whole label/category thing is actually pretty tricky. For instance, I enjoy reading my entries mentioning pets and animals, but it just seems inappropriate and distracting for me to make a label for either or both. On the other hand I created labels I thought I would use A LOT (feminism, for example) and haven't browsed any old entries that contained overt feminist reflection or commentary. And I think it might be really boring for me to share my thought process contemplating why this is, but I'm totally engrossed thinking about it. Does my hatred of "donkey punch" fall under feminism? Maybe gender issues? How about "true crime"? Or maybe I need a label called "totally motherfucking STUPID".
Anyway, there are some fantastic chick-bloggers in that lineup for you to read, so check them out.
FYI: I don't check my stats all that often so if you've been linking to me and have a relevant and coherent blog with personality, feel free to comment so I can check out your blog and figure out if you're someone I, my readers and my members will enjoy. Also, if you know of any really splendid blogs out there just post a rec since I haven't had time to keep up on the latest and greatest bloggers.
In other geek blog news, I'm very annoyed that lately my blog's google page rank varies from anywhere between zero and six whenever I refresh. What the fuck??
I don't like to forget about blogs I've enjoyed that retain good old content and memories, so I've maintained a linklist in my sidebar for old mutes and rarely updated blogs, but I need to free up that space, especially since I think it's only there to comfort me. Instead I'll link to those folks here (if the links are dead, you can always search for them using The Wayback Machine):
There are so many blogs not on this roll I wish I could remember . . . Centerfold Librarian, ummm. . . shit, I can't remember all of the others! So this list will also become a list of blog casualties because I can't stand to let their memories leak out of my head.
I'm a packrat, I'll admit it. To the point where it bothers me when OTHER people don't save things I would save if they were mine.
It SLAYS me when people burn old letters, throw away diaries, or, on the internet, delete their blogs. Fine, don't update it anymore but don't take it away!! Don't destroy it -- that's HISTORY, and you're killing it!
Anyway, if any of you have moved to another domain or begin posting again on a regular basis, just leave comments and I'll move you back to the sidebar (as long as you're posting more than once a month)!
But let's get back to "my" book, shall we? This afternoon my mailbox was crammed with an unexpected big brown box with customs labels, and a return address stamp bearing the name of "Murder One". Inside the cardboard package I found two THICK copies of The Mammoth Book of Sex Diaries: The Ultimate Collection of Sex Blogs (one yankee edition and one UK edition), a thank you letter, and a cheque.
I'm not one to get out the camera for birthdays or vacations or other "special" events; the camera is almost omnipresent in our lives already so I hate dragging it out unnecessarily for purely sentimental reasons BUT . . . today I fetched the camera and thrust it into Tucker's hands so he could take a pictureS of me with my sweet little check and books. It's so dorky, but it felt momentous and I felt giddy, and years from now I want to be able to chuckle at myself, remembering the things that have given me pleasure and made me feel proud. I feel like a ten year old girl in a thirty-one year old body who just won the the district spelling bee or a blue ribbon at the county fair for her prize rooster.