I went on a little field trip by myself today, and happened across this fucktastic hillbilly head shop:



You can get almost anything there: firewood, dildos, giant bongs, blow-up sex dolls, gay wanker mags (I bought one as a thanks for letting me take these pics . . . and because I really enjoy gay wanker mags), swords, patriotic novelties, and old issues of Playboy that should be in protective sleeves, but instead are gathering dust in layers of MEASURABLE thickness (I *so* wanted to rescue the one with Dolly Parton on the cover).

Even though the place stank of mildew and old carpeting stained with Sheltie poop and pee, I seriously fucking loved it there especially when I heard, then spotted, the fucking police scanner:



I just have a thing for police scanners. Don't know why I don't have one. Anyway, there's also a stuffed parrot of porn watching out for things along with a dude who worked there (he was kind of cute but I thought it would be asking a bit much to take his picture and post it here):



There was also a thin, grizzled hang-around guy there who got a little boisterous when I popped in. A couple good-looking, fresh-smelling locals also popped in to get some porn so the place is obviously doing business since I wasn't there very long. After I left, the hang-around guy wearing the straw cowboy hat followed me back out to my car to say, "boy! You SURE are cute!" then captioned himself by mumbling with concentration, "little hat trick for ya . . ." as he tossed it into the air and juggled it around with a flourish as a special little show for me. Much appreciated, hang-around dude.

Here I am on the security camera, standing basically two inches from the counter. Obviously surveillance is a fetish at this place, which I *totally* understand (and is only one of 100 reasons why I didn't visit the restroom there):



All the way home I scripted a movie in my head to shoot there and wished we had money to pay to shoot it (including paying not only to rent the place, but to have it professionally cleaned inside without losing ALL of the personality/flavor). Actually, whenever we make the trip to this particular loggerific town I always wind up using the time on the road to script porno movies. The last one was so funny I kept laughing out loud and confirming for Delia that her girlfriend is a crazy person. She didn't go with me today, though, so I got to be crazy all by myself and go places she would rather avoid like the hillbilly head/sex shop and this geeky place.

Here are a couple more shots of the joint to give you a better idea of the scope of their patriotism and firewood-selling enterprise:




Instead of having the wood bundles stacked in one area, they've created a car maze & parking-lot border out of individual bundles arranged in lines, with each bundle labeled with a price and the name of the tree it came from (not name like "Tom" or "Cindy", but Red Cedar, Douglas Fir, etc.):



I just enjoy seeing people making a modest and dirty living combining everything they love. Like, FUCK you! I'm going to let my dog come to work with me and rub it's dirty ass all over the carpet while I get high in the back room and show off my ninja sword to my buddies!! Are you sure you don't need a cord of wood to go with that? LET'S SPRAY PAINT THE SINGLE-WIDE RED, WHITE AND BLUE!!! GodDAMN I love this country!!

Labels: Pacific Northwest, PHOTOS, PORNOGRAPHY, shopping

posted by Trixie at 8/01/2009 09:20:00 PM -