RE-BLONDENote: if you have anything tragic going on in your life or in your mind, please don't annoy yourself by reading this extremely trivial post:
I got my dirty blonde back today:Spycam view of me at my machine
I'm slightly ashamed and totally shocked that this hair color choice thing has become the most DIFFICULT series of decisions I've made in my entire adult life. It's totally unimportant, yet I am tortured daily by whether I'm a blonde or a brunette at heart, and whether one is significantly better than the other for business and if so, if that is enough to override whatever my most heartfelt hair-color personality is. Snort!
I'm disgusted with myself, truly.
Here's the thing: I *AM* THE DECIDER. I have always made life-altering decisions quickly and confidently. I do not agonize over whether or not to do things. BIG things, even. The kinds of things other people spend significant amounts of time carefully weighing risks and benefits over, pros and cons. I do those things too (sometimes) but in very short order. And I tend not to consult other people over them, or if I do I really don't give a shit about their input and ask merely out of curiosity's sake because my mind is usually already made up. I know they might not be the BEST choices, but I'm ready to go ahead with them anyway.
Major and minor in college; quickly decided. Whether or not to leave my husband; instantly, as soon as opportunity arose - out of house in one week's time. Buy a house? Waiting a couple of months to sign the papers seemed WAY too long. Become a webwhore? SIGNED UP AS SOON AS I HEARD ABOUT IT. Quitting jobs, school, friendships: without hesitation.
But whether or not to continue bleaching or switch to darkening my hair? Practically paralyzed. It makes no sense. None at all. I'm absolutely baffled by it and deeply disturbed by my whining requests for feedback from people.
Fortunately I can still look possessed by the sad librarian spirit of indoorsy introversion as an ash blonde:
Now that I've experienced about nine months as a brunette, I can say that blondes DO attract more immediate attention. As a brunette I felt more invisible than I have ever been in my life. I've decided blondes are more ATTRACTIVE while brunettes are more beautiful, or at least prettier than most blondes. I felt pretty as a brunette, but I command more attention as a blonde. Heads turn for blondes, especially blondes with big hooters. Apparently it has something to do with blonde being a rare genetic trait and therefore more appealing to potential mates (at least, that's what I read in Vogue at the gym when I was supposed to be working out). I think it's just because blonde hair is SHINY and shiny things catch the eye. It doesn't matter if your face is a muddled hunk of ugly as long as you've got bright, shiny hair: the boys' heads will spin.
On the other hand, a lot of porn consumers like jerking off to women who remind them of former girlfriends or women they've known in their lives, and many of those women were brunettes. The real girl next door? She tends to be a brunette. Also, the kinds of customers who tend to be attracted to my personality also tend to have a preference for brunettes (if they have or express a preference at all). The dominating (or at least assertive) Mommy nerd know-it-all archetype has dark brown hair, I think. But clearly these folks have found me acceptable as a blonde, so why limit my powers of attraction with dark hair? Oh yes, because this has gone down in the history of my website as my absolute favorite set of photos
because I felt FANTASTICALLY beautiful on my first day as a brunette.
And hey, there were practical matters, too; my hair was so much healthier, silkier, and glossier when it was dyed dark. The blonding process is really hard on your hair; I actually have a tweety-bird tuft of broken hair on top of my head that got so fried by my last lightening that it just busted the fuck off. Of course, this was worse than it ever had been in my past permanently-blonde days because they had to bleach out all of the brunette so that was pretty harsh; apparently it's not too good to do this back-and-forth bullshit.
Fluck. This is some stupid shit.
Labels: beauty standards, confessions, PHOTOS