WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND BECOMES YOUR GIRLFRIEND

Some of you may be a little thrown off by the casual way I mentioned that Delia is going to phase out Tucker in favor of living en femme on a full time basis. This isn't a porn business thing, this is honestly a big life decision; my boyfriend wants to start living life as a transwoman (probably to involve hormones at some point but probably not "bottom" surgery).

I promise we'll write more about all of this later, but in the meantime I just want to say that the top priority right now is sorting through it ourselves; it's hard to blog about something when you don't really have a definite plan of action and you need to focus on quality face time with each other and figuring out how Delia will come out to family and friends.

In general it's really not as big of a bombshell as it might sound. I can't say I am 100% prepared, but I've known for a long time it was within the realm of possibility. I also can't say I don't have ANY issues or fears about this transition from boyfriend/sometimes-girlfriend to full-time girlfriend, but relative to other people's experiences and expectations this is not a really big deal except in an exciting way. For me (in terms of life changes) I would rank it at the same level as selling a house you really love and have lived in for years in order to buy a sweeter house you also love and that will work better for your family. A little stressful, a little sad, but overall a blessing and positive change. You can make your home anywhere when you're with someone you love, and I love my boygirlfriend.

I think part of why this change is feeling natural to me more than overwhelmingly scary is that my parents (especially my mom) raised me to shrug off conventions and expectations. My family was fairly unconventional with my dad and stepdad getting along well, and my dad living with my mom's parents (his ex-mother and father-in-law) long after my mom and dad divorced. Things that weren't normal for other families were totally normal for us. My mom is the type of person who genuinely thinks we should do whatever makes us happy and fuck everyone else if they have a problem with it. Again, I can't say that my family won't have ANY worries about this change, but I am lucky to have been brought up to feel comfortable defying cultural norms and to have a family I can count on to support and accept us without undue drama or shock; I mean, HELLO -- they've dealt really well with me being a pornographer/virtual sex worker so this might be small beans in comparison. I'm pretty sure both my mom and sister are prepared for the news (which we haven't exactly given them yet since the news is really REALLY new and I think we want to talk about it in person).

As far as our websites go, we'll probably take this opportunity to make them a network in the near future (join one, you get access to them all) since we won't be able to keep TrixiesHouseboy.com going forever as-is but still want to keep it alive and accessible (and probably morph it into a multi-guy site as we get more resources). Also, Delia will no longer be "just" a crossdresser as the domain DeliaCD.com implies, so she'll also be transitioning to a new domain with a slightly different approach, but of course we'll want her members to be able to get access to all of the CD site stuff, too. I've actually been wanting for a long time to make all of our stuff available to all members regardless of which site interests them most, since I really like showing off ALL of it as one body of work even though it's more sensible to market each persona individually. I'm not totally sure when this will happen but it might be soon (and later lead to revamping the format of our members-only areas to reflect the all-inclusive approach).

Anyway, I want to be careful to remind people that when I talk about Delia's transition I can only talk about it from MY perspective; there's a limit to how much I can know and understand what she's feeling, hoping and experiencing. Even though we are going through this as a couple, she's also going through it as an individual (same for me) and I think those could all be pretty distinctive journeys and not one of us really knows for sure where we'll end up. Happy and together are what I'm aiming for.

Labels: announcements, family, gender issues, my trans partner, relationships, transition

posted by Trixie at 5/22/2007 07:07:00 PM -