Whatever Happened to . . .
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO . . .
An anonymous person left a couple of comments saying, "hi Trixie! I was wondering if you knew what ever happened to Betty?"
The short answer is "yes". Yes, I know what happened to Betty. Yes, I know why her site isn't up anymore. But what the inquirer probably meant to ask is, "will you tell me what happened to Betty (if you happen to know the answer)?" And since the answer to THAT is "no", I chose not to publish those comments since any response I give would have to be sort of complex and never really answer the question.
I understand that people are curious when webwhores leave the internet, especially since they usually do so very mysteriously with no explanation; one day a chick's site is up and the next day . . . poof, it's gone! If a girl's done her job well, people are going to miss her when she's gone so it's kind of a compliment when people ask, "what happened to X?" On the other hand, none of us really has a RIGHT to know why she disappeared (unless of course she made off with someone's money or shut down her members-only area without a word or without offering refunds to those with time remaining).
I myself used to be completely flabbergasted by the frequent disappearances of women from the web, to the point of even being mad at them, these chicks I didn't even know personally who probably had good reasons for jumping ship. I would ask myself WHY wouldn't they leave their sites up even if they couldn't update anymore when they could just lower the price of membership, explaining they moved on to other projects but were leaving their site up for posterity? WHY would they DELETE EVERYTHING from their sites? WHY couldn't they just post a somewhat sensible brief message explaining their departure? WHY would they want to give up something they made for a new boyfriend who disagreed with their porn life (most girls who DID offer brief and, I thought, really fucking STUPID explanations said that the new men in their lives wanted them to give up the porn so they happily agreed to sacrifice their internet sex work to save their boyfriends' fragile egos, because "love" is more important than owning your own business, apparently). Oh gosh . . . I'm getting judgemental again, aren't I?!
It's so easy to do, though, when you really don't know anything about someone except that she tried running a business online and then changed her mind.
Over the past six years I've seen a whole lot of chicks come and go; some of them had very good reasons for quitting their sites. Some of them eventually returned, some of them under new aliases while others just picked up where they left off.
There was the chick who had a seizure one day while she was wearing an angora sweater and cooking. The burns were devastating, I heard, and as far as I know she hasn't returned to the web. There was the Romanian camgirl I and some of my cohorts had a crush on who was one of the most popular and visible performers on the network until the day when a totally different girl started performing under her name; I never heard what happened to Violeta Number 1. There were those who didn't set their domain names to auto-renew and lost all of their traffic and branding when their dot coms were snatched out from under them; some of them started back up under new names, but others just gave up the ghost. There was the hottie who was rumoured to have started escorting and then shut down her main site and took down her ads; I heard through the grapevine it was because of a "fan"atic that was stalking her, but eventually she came back with a newer, even-cooler site. I've no idea whether or not the stalker still plagues her or if he truly did exist in the first place to the extreme where he had an effect on her web presence.
There were many who landed straight jobs that paid better and were more fulfilling than what they did online; they had no motivation to jeopardize their careers by leaving content up that could compromise them and never made them much money anyway. Some of them left for good, but some of them are back. There were many who took time off for surgeries and reinvention or to carry and have babies and they didn't want to explain or share that with fans. There were many whose x-rated lives became targets for jealous ex's and judgemental family members who used their porn sites as leverage in custody battles. There were some who divorced the person that helped them make porn, and because the husbands (usually) were the ones who photographed the pictures they were also the ones who legally held the copyright on all the material so they were basically left owning nothing or half of something that wasn't worth bargaining for or buying out.
But mostly there were people who just didn't want to run their sites anymore (or keep doing camshows or keep taking phone calls). It didn't make them enough money or it wasn't fun anymore or whatever . . . they didn't want to keep doing it, or they wanted to take a break, or they didn't know if it was worth it anymore. Maybe some people reading this are thinking, "aha! They were only in it for the money!" Of course, I don't think that makes a woman evil, if she does something only because someone pays her to, but seriously -- that's really not the whole story on any of the people I know who've abandoned their sites or jobs as camgirls. What is usually the case is that they never actually got paid enough in the first place, but enjoyed it enough that they invested tons of time and money and personal risk in building and maintaining their sites but never actually made them profitable; they genuinely couldn't afford to keep trying. Some camgirls just got older and burned out and bored with sticking things in their cunts for strangers. Some people had some fun online but it was really just an exploratory phase so they quit when the newness and excitement wore off or when the networks they were part of changed the rules and the terms of working on their sites (lowering chathost payouts from 50% to 35%, just as one example). Some people made a lot of money in the beginning, years ago when there was less competition, and they never got accustomed to the number of players on the new field; those who didn't want to work harder for less left, quit or let their sites languish. Some girls got out of bad deals (or what they THOUGHT were bad deals) with big companies who promised to make them lots of money and never delivered (or were never given a chance to deliver) and their sites wound up redirecting to some other girl on some other site.
I honestly do wish more people would offer an explanation for why they left the industry, and actually most of them do but then the word doesn't always get around to everybody or they don't want to keep paying for a domain and hosting just to keep informing someone that they're gone for "personal reasons". On the other hand, many many people honestly CANNOT provide any explanation in anything other than the vaguest of terms. There could be legal reasons or safety issues or who-knows-what that's totally private and not necessary for anyone to ever know about or could even be DANGEROUS to them or their family if they disclosed.
So. Whatever happened to Betty? That is not my business to share. I'm assuming the people who really supported and admired her were probably aware of her blog, I would think, and I hope would have read her explanation here
a long time ago, along with this follow-up post
indicating that she was alive and missed porn enough that she hoped she'd be able to return to it, and if she wanted to disclose more she would have. Hell, maybe she'll read this and post a comment, but again . . . if she wanted to publicly talk about why she took down her site then she WOULD, but since she doesn't/can't, she shouldn't be pestered about it and people shouldn't try to get the inside skinny from her friends. They *especially* shouldn't try this without signing a name to their question -- anonymously asking for private information on someone doesn't come across as very well-intentioned (though it may have been -- I don't know, since I have no clue who the person was who asked). I'm pretty sure they're just curious and figure it doesn't hurt to ask, but it kind of makes me feel uncomfortable because Betty is my friend so I have a sort of rabid desire to defend her from attacks on her privacy. Whoever is asking obviously knows we're pals, so it's kind of rude to try to get me to betray her confidence.
All I can do is assure that Betty is STILL alive, she's still awesome, and she deserves to have her privacy respected. My personal hope is that we will get rich enough to hire her to do special nonsexual things for us and our sites, and that she will want to do those things, and that we will see her often. My even bigger hope is that nothing stand between her and happiness and that everyone who appreciated her web presence feels the same way.
I hope I don't sound harsh because I honestly can relate to simply wanting to know if a disappeared-webwhore is still alive and kicking; it would be embarrassing if I told you how affected I've been by Olympia's (aka Postmodern Courtesan's) blog's disappearance. I emailed her two or three times since her blog has been down but haven't gotten any replies. I genuinely am a little worried that something unpleasant might have prompted its removal, but even if that's true, publicizing that unpleasantness would probably make a bad situation even worse. And if it's not true, and she just didn't want to keep it up or continue taking the risk of writing about escorting then it's still none of my business. I have to remind myself that I got a lot out of reading her blog, entirely as a free blessing, and that makes her LESS obligated (not more) to explain her absence to me or anyone else.
I was going to reflect more on the feeling of being "abandoned" by our favorite webwhores and the strangeness of that (which I can relate to, having felt it myself), but I think I'll save that for some other time.
Today Tucker and I got in a couple of photo shoots, took the dog for a walk, and I spent time in the chatroom. I got a lot of little tasks accomplished, and am now pretty exhausted since I didn't get enough sleep last night and I'm on the rag.
Breakfast in Bed Chat happening again tomorrow . . . see you there?
Labels: customer relations, porn consumers, sex work, webwhore insights