SIGHTED!!

Preface: people online often ask if Tucker and I are "recognized" when we're out and about and I always snort a little in response because it seems so unlikely that we'd ever run into any of the very few people in western Washington who are aware of our porn sites/personas. We don't get that much traffic to our sites so it seems improbable to me that we'd accidentally cross paths with anyone who knows about Trixie, Tucker, and/or Delia).

Yesterday Tucker and I walked to the store. My awareness of other living beings besides me, Tucker, and the dog was limited to whether or not humans in cars were driving too quickly by us on the snowy roads and might kick up giant blobs of snowy slush to hurl at us as we traipsed along the roadside. Or trying to assess whether or not other dog-accompanied pedestrians had theirs on leashes (I'm still afraid of dogs and dog fights breaking out). Or whether or not I managed to perform the correct grimace (aka smile) in passing, or if my voice was politely audible in response to their pleasant greetings.

You can usually count on me to be ill-prepared for spontaneous social interactions, so to say I was caught off-guard when someone tapped me on the shoulder in the produce section is an understatement. I thought I was probably just in someone's way, but the person who tapped me (a lovely woman I'd stared at briefly in another aisle not two minutes earlier) didn't just say, "excuse me -- could you move out of the way so I can get to the tomatoes?" Instead she said something about how she'd seen my site and dingdingding!!!!??????wha?bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Etc. I didn't actually process much of what she said after that.

I'm sure I responded as though I'd just crawled out of my isolated bunker in the woods where I'd been crafting mailbombs since I reacted with wild-eyed fear and suspicion as though someone had sicced the feds on me. Sites? How did you find out about our sites? Did someone tell you about them?? Are you sure I'm the person you're looking for? How could you possibly have recognized me?? We don't tell anyone in town about our sites!!

Anyway, the woman who approached me did a great job of defusing my paranoia and working through the awkwardness of our first unplanned "fan"-sighting. When she used the magical word of "partner" and directed my attention to another woman standing a few feet away in the spectator seats with Tucker as they watched this interaction, I felt relieved, and hearing her say that they were interested in doing what we do put me even more at ease. Yay! She also assured us our secret is safe with them.

No offense straight people, but I'm glad we had our first-sighting/busted-in-our-town cherries popped by lesbians who said all of the right things to make it a positive experience instead of a weird one. Well, it was still weird, but *they* acted totally normal about it and so did Tucker, so since I was the only person acting weird, everything was totally normal.

Witness weirdness exhibit a; when she handed me her business card and even said her name, I asked her if she was "Heather" (even though the name she said and that was printed on the card totally wasn't "Heather" -- I just thought maybe she was this one person in town named Heather who coaches ADD people that I've been wanting to meet and my wires were all crossed so I had to ask the irrational question because I wasn't processing much of the information she gave me).

Tucker wasn't nearly as thrown off by this experience as I was. Apparently he *always* feels like people are watching him and recognizing him. He reminded me that a lot of locals could easily reach my blog via the link on Matisse's blog (she writes for Seattle's best weekly and I know I'm not the only one who thinks of her as a Seattle celebrity) and that it's actually pretty strange that we've gone over four years in this town without being recognized. Or at least without anyone TELLING US they recognize us.

So. It's entirely possible we've been sighted many times without anyone approaching us to say so. In fact, I know for sure it's happened at least once; we were on the ferry a few years ago and I saw a guy that I *totally* recognized as one of my members from Seattle who'd sent me his picture many months earlier, but I didn't want to go and say hi to him in case it wasn't him (I constantly think people look like someone I know or like someone famous, so I didn't trust my ability to accurately identify him). He emailed me later to say that he saw us on the ferry, but didn't know if he should say hello.

Even though I really appreciated him for respecting and being sensitive to our private time, I was a little bit disappointed that we didn't get a chance to chat as he was one of my favorites (and I honestly would have approached him myself if I'd been certain of his identity). On the other hand, I've tried to imagine how that would work; would we spend the whole half-hour ferry ride talking or would we awkwardly depart before that? And what if he *wasn't* one of my favorites? And how would I feel about it if this happened to me every day or even just once a month? Would I be disappointed then if someone left me alone or would I be relieved considering my notoriously short supply of social skills and energy?

And would my "fans" be disappointed to see me in person, short and sloppy and probably not living up to whatever idea they have of me? You should know that I purposely hang pictures low on the wall and buy small-looking furniture in order to make myself look taller and larger-than-life in my photos. The number one thing people say to me when they meet me in person (after seeing my pictures online) is, "wow -- you're a lot shorter than I expected". And they sound disappointed when they say it. Whatever giant aura of mystery I had online is compacted upon meeting into the body of a crazed little firecracker of strange tension. Maybe people do recognize me, but they're so taken aback or disappointed that they don't even *want* to say hello.
posted by Trixie at 11/28/2006 10:53:00 AM -