I think I burned through a ton of personal energy yesterday because today I feel like I could sleep for twenty-four hours. This morning I had some crazy hot sex dreams, but couldn't really sleep soundly for worrying about finances and repeatedly waking up to immediately begin thinking of ways to ease the current situation.
I know I should probably make it sound like spending ten thousand dollars is no big deal for us, but . . . it is. Tucker
took a giant jar of change to the coinstar machine so we'll have money for food and so I could try to avoid incurring an overlimit charge on one of my credit cards. He did it early this morning since we woke up at six accidentally and of course the first thing out of my mouth was, "we need to take that change in TODAY and get it to my bank before it closes at noon".
I'm thinking of pawning my old wedding/engagement ring; the only thing delaying this act is that there's no pawn shop in town. I like my ring a lot, but I never wear it and it's really not that important to me. I've never pawned anything before, either, so I'm kind of curious about the process and like the idea of being part of an old white trash tradition. I like the idea of sacrificing something tangible and precious, of doing something ritualistic to commemorate this event and burn it even deeper into my brain. I don't think I've ever even been INSIDE a pawn shop, to tell you the truth.
I should confess that the only reason I'm in this current precarious situation is a lack of planning; I could have cammed my ass off for a month prior and paid for Trixie.com with no problem. But I didn't. I honestly didn't even consider making a goal of raising or saving a certain amount, partly because there was no way of guessing how much it would sell for and partly out of sheer optimism and faith that everything would turn out for the best. And it did. It does. It will. I trust "it". I trust myself.
Labels: accomplishments, class, dreams, money, things I treasure