NAMES
During my camshows people often ask what I've named my body parts, my toys, my boyfriend's body parts, etc.

My name for my breasts:
Many viewers like to call them "the twins" or "puppies", but I usually refer to them as my boobs. They do not have names, but the left one does have more personality to make up for its smaller size relative to my bigger, lazier right boob. I'm okay with pretty much any word(s) used to describe them (except for "puppies"). I like it when people talk about my rack, my cans, my knockers, my jugs tits hooters . . . whatever.

My name for my vulva:
Again, I don't have a cute name for it. I do remember a girl with whom I went to high school referred to hers as "Mr. Hooper". She was an attention whore with a squeaky stupid voice, and it was my first experience hearing a female getting cutesy by naming part of her body in ridiculous way to attract attention while pretending to be "modest". This grotesquely coy technique raised my hackles then and it raises my hackles now. I have no desire to refer to my cunt/pussy/snatch with a proper noun. It's fucking ridiculous. You can call it whatever you want (hairpie, whisker biscuit, beaver, etc.), but don't call it Mr. or Mrs. anything.

I do not think of my body or its parts as separate entities, they are parts of MY body. Trixie's cunt. Trixie's boobs. Hailing them by name seems like a nasty way of distancing me from my genitals, as though they operate separately or I don't truly possess them. I don't like that. I also don't like it when people call it my "cookie". Most other words are fine by me, though. I generally refer to it as my pussy. I like the word a lot (though I hate hearing people refer to it as "kitty", especially women; kitty sounds so dry and cutesy instead of wet and sexual).

My name for my boyfriend's pecker:
Surprise!! I don't have a name for it! Cock, dick, prick -- these all work nicely. The only time I would find a proper name for a penis erotic is during a taboo role play involving a dirty old man "introducing" his vulgar member to an innocent via a user-friendly sounding name. Again, cute little names only seem designed to soften the sexuality of the organ and anyone motivated to do that probably has serious issues. I've never felt compelled to name anybody's body parts. You don't get to pawn off responsibility for your sexuality onto an imaginary body-part-friend.

My name for my sex toys:
I use descriptors or the names provided by the manufacturers: Hitachi Magic Wand (or "magic wand" or "my wand" for short), my purple ass toy, my kegelcisor, the one FurryGirl gave me, my banana, jackhammer jesus (or "my jackhammer" or "my jesus"), the red one, etc. When descriptors overlap, qualify them: my NEW purple ass toy, etc.

It's not that I don't love inanimate objects, I just don't feel inspired to name them. My car does have a name (and I think it's cool to name cars and boats and houses), but that's about it. I never really named any of my toys or dolls as a child either, and I've never been responsible for naming a pet (except for my puppy Buddy who wound up being killed by a pack of dogs when I was three or four). Someday when I have chickens I'll name them, though. Chickens are cool.

For more and better reading on the subject (body part names, not chickens) check out Olympia's post: A Glaring Lack of Good Words.
posted by Trixie at 4/21/2006 11:34:00 AM -