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The Wandering WebWhore is my personal blog. I'm a 30-something indie pornographer whose journal covers a variety of topics: mundane daily life, work-related reflection, sex stuff, current events, and more. MY SITE FEED 
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Wednesday, March 01, 2006
A Random Body Image Post
A RANDOM BODY IMAGE POST I haven't met a webwhore yet who isn't interested in body image, consciously or subconsciously. Most of our business revolves around showing off our bodies, so very few of us can avoid thinking about what our bodies look like and looking at our own bodies for long periods of time. As I write this stupid introduction to my blog entry, I realize that it is . . . stupid. Or at least unnecessary. Most of the time I feel pretty juicy and happy with my body, albeit critical about the condition it's in (not strong, not full of endurance, not regularly exercised, etc.). I often regret that I've never taken my body to 100% health or fitness-wise, or even 80%. Once or twice I may have been at 75%. When I say 100% I don't mean pushing it to super-athleticism or anything like that. I'm curious what it would look like and feel like, and feel sort of guilty for having been blessed with pretty fantastic metabolism, slender long-looking legs, a body that responds quickly to any sort of muscle-building efforts, and a pretty fantastic rack and NEVER have taken full advantage of it. It would have been nice to have pushed myself a little in my prime and been able to know what it was like to have a "perfect" body. On the other hand, I really don't think that my purpose in life is to have a perfect body, or even a physically-fit body. If I were to believe that I was put on earth for a purpose by some entity with a grand master plan, I would say that I was blessed with a healthy cool satisfying nearly-maintenance free body so that I could spend my time and energy doing OTHER things with my time besides exercising and eating clean, which I don't really find all that enjoyable (unless that exercise involves dancing, and I *did* at one time feel that maybe my "special purpose" in life was to be a belly-dancing streetcorner preacher, but I digress because my special TALENT in life is digression). But. When I think about how I would perceive my body 30 or 50 years ago I realize my self-image would be MUCH MUCH MUCH higher than it is now, no matter how sexy! and confident! I think I might feel in 2006. When I do find flaw with my body in this day and age I simply tell myself I'm being REALISTIC and reassure myself that I'm not unhappy with my "flaws" aesthetically, but am unhappy with them because they are symptoms of poor fitness/physical health. And I don't think this is all me brainwashing myself and covering up for poor self-esteem, in a lot of ways I think my beliefs are true, and balanced with genuine delight and sensual pleasure in many of my "flaws", and pride in showing them off. Still, the realization that I would think myself a gorgeous beautiful perfectly-formed knockout were I thirty-two years old in 1973 instead of 2006 really hammered home for me the truth about our present culture's totally fucked-up ways of depicting and placing different values on people's bodies. It's not the first time I've felt extremely disgusted with pop culture and the way people's bodies (particularly women's) are depicted in the media, but it was one of the few times I really believed it affects ME and what I think of myself and how I feel about myself. Last night I added a softcore tease video to my members-only area. It seemed kind of boring so I plopped some crackly old music on top of it and "aged" the film (even though my tights and the plastic blinds behind me totally do not place me in the 1920's with any accuracy). Guess what? Making myself siena-colored with the look of old damaged film made me look sexier to myself. Suddenly my belly rolls, semi-floppy tits and lazy demeanor seemed natural, sexy, and PERFECT. Not "natural, sexy, and PERFECT . . . for the amateur milf NICHE of porn". Not PERFECT . . . if you have a FETISH for "mature" ladies with "extra" cushion. But PERFECT with no qualifications necessary whatsoever. I wouldn't need to specify that my tits are NATURAL as though it's a fucking anomaly if I were a whore in the twenties. Of course, I'd probably also be dead by forty so I'm in NO way attempting to glorify the "good old days" (which never existed), I'm only trying to say that my perception of my body is negatively impacted by all of the contemporary bullshit of veneers, implants, surgery, supplements, body-sculpting, photoshopping, selective presentation, and overused gym memberships. Note: for this entry I won't publish comments that bear compliments, reassurances or arguments about my own perception of my body, but I *would* like to read thoughts on the issue(s) in general or other people's perceptions of their own bodies, particularly whether or not they think their body image would be different if they lived in a different time/place. 
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8 Comments:
How interesting. I must have been writing a post about my tummy at the same time you were publishing this post. I find that even compliments about things on my body I dislike bring up body image issues for me, and have often imagined that I would look much sexier 'cavorting in nature' maybe in Ancient Greece than I do wandering around a bookstore today.
I'm lucky that I'm using my body in the age of JLo & gym memberships. In another era my body shape would be considered ugly & unfeminine. I might be able to disguise my wide hips & ass with a full skirt, but my muscular calves would be huge in comparison to other women & no way to hide them.
Back in present day, I'm glad I gave up feeling bad about not looking like the magazine waifs. My natural body shape is muscular, so why fight it? A lot of fitness competitors are still bombarded with the "not feminine enough" comment, but that's the best part about women - we're beautiful in every shape & size.
I don't think there is any widely held ideal body shape for our generation. A photo of a random woman on the internet (GFY?) will find a slew of negative comments whether she has big tits, small tits, fake tits, too skinny, too fat, too old, too pale, too tanned, too many tattoos...never ends.
"In another era my body shape would be considered ugly & unfeminine. I might be able to disguise my wide hips & ass with a full skirt, but my muscular calves would be huge in comparison to other women & no way to hide them. "
Actually, in most cultures, through most of history, that isn't very accurate. For most of history, worldwide, larger women were the beauty ideal because it then -- as it is now -- was largely a class issue. Very thin women in most of history = poor women, and therefore not ideal, larger women = can afford to eat, and thus, wealthy, and thus, ideal.
A whole lot of muscles, in some aspects, might have set one outside some ideals, but only because that'd again, be representative of peasantry. But even that's relatively rare as "ugly" historically, as is pretty plain per art history.
I do think there is a widely held ideal body type for our generation: young and as plastic-looking as possible. As close to computer-generated as you can get. That might not be everyone's aesthetic, but I think it's the look embraced by the media and is trendy the same way boyish figures were trendy in the twenties (only with the weight of a much more powerful media to drive it home to the masses). As far as meanness goes and people finding fault with EVERYONE, I think that's a different problem.
Kris' body is not "larger" and I don't think it would meet the old ideal of a woman of luxury. She's skinny on top and muscular on the bottom. Peasant for sure (but in a good way)!
I'm all peasant, baby! Though I was thinking more about growing up in my mother's era when I made my comments. My mother & I have the exact same build & while she's not one to be really into her looks in a superficial way (doesn't wear make-up or cover her gray hair at all), she has told me a little about growing up & not feeling good about her/our body shape. She's never set foot in a gym, but calls her muscular arms her "farmer arms", which was obviously not positive thing for her growing up. I'm a second generation peasant. =)
Well, again, look to art history: there is a LOT of variance there: there isn't really one standard. In other words, we're not talking all Rubens all the time. :) Mogdiliani nudes, for instance, are not painfuly thin, but very long. Mucha's subjects -- polish peasant workers, primarily -- are an excellent example of body types more like the three of ours. Even the idea that in the 20's, boyish was "the" ideal is a bit off: it was one ideal, but historically, there was more than one at the time. That one was frowned upon by just as many people who championed it, though not because of health, but because of the idea that women of a certain class shouldn't be "boyish," shouldn't engage in leisure sports, etc.
But yes: right now, young-looking and plastic (and per usual, still about class in that regard), and we DO come a lot closer to haveing one ideal now, most likely because we have a mass media to disseminate it with.
I agree that the young-looking ideal is pervasive, but plastic? There's a tremendous backlash against airbrushing & plastic surgery. The plastic women that used to be held up as sex symbols (Pam Anderson, Anna Nicole) are media jokes now. I don't go a single day without hearing a "fake tits are gross" comment. Magazines like Playboy that are still pushing the same plastic look, airbrushing away every noticeable detail right down to the arm hair have seen decreasing sales & some of the bigger nude sites purposely advertise "no airbrushing". 'Course what's there to airbrush when you only hire skinny 18 year old models?
What's most interesting about this discussion is how different our perceptions are. I'd be the more plastic-looking one of the group & the feedback I constantly hear is that an all natural look is preferred. Fortunately I have a form response made up for those comments that goes something like, "Thank you for your concern. Unfortnately, I'm not able to alter my appearance based on the opinions of people on the internet, but I appreciate your inquiry & will do my best to completely ignore your input. Have a nice day!"
Well, I think though that "backlash" is more about women who ARE plastic. In other words, women who "naturally" fit that ideal -- or more realistically, who do whatever they do, but it's imperceptible to a looker, or the adaptations are kept secret -- are still held up quite intensely.
And the ideal in sex work and porn is not always representative of more general ideals, either.
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