PINK SUNRISE
We just got done shooting some of the prettiest "red" content ever. It turns out that blood on pink satin panties is beautiful.





Unfortunately I can't make any promises when the full set will appear . . . or where. I need to begin moving all my red stuff somewhere else to avoid potential business-disruptive "difficulties". I'll write more on that later, but in vague terms let me just say this is one of the many reasons a less-idealistic person would argue that her website is actually NOT porn. Nevermind; actually a bolder, less-lazy more-superhuman person with a bottomless pit of legal funds would confidently continue to market her site as porn, fight for adults' right to consume and create porn, AND perfect her watertight arguments that her site(s) are actually more politics than porn. She could actually research work by scholars who say that all porn is political.
posted by Trixie at 5/30/2004 05:34:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
SUPER-IMMUNITY POWERS!
Hahaha -- I woke up feeling fine, sore throat last night was meaningless and my ultra-healthy track record continues unchallenged.

My period started today towards the end of a nice walk Tucker and I took with the dog. Then we had some errands to run. We took a nice little extra drive since the battery in the car just got recharged, then I sat in the running car while Tucker bought groceries, then I wanted to cash in some coupons (expiring today!) at the garden store and against Tucker's better judgement, I shut the engine off and begged him to come in with me since he is the plant expert and I am indecisive and slow alone. Yeah, the car didn't start back up again once we were done. Tucker walked back to our house (quite a little jaunt) to retrieve his truck to charge the car battery back up, but it wasn't holding a charge so we had to go buy a new battery. Suck!

Then our hero barbecued ribs and we delighted in watching the dog deal with the bones. THEN we watched an excellent movie -- EXCELLENT! Tucker picked it out: Together. One of the many things I love about Tucker is his excellent taste in movies. LOVED the movie -- loved it. One of the many lovable features? The kids' roles. It's not often enough that a movie honestly relates the perspectives of both kids and adults and treats their experiences as equally complex. Usually movies treat the emotional needs of kids so condescendingly and it's always up to an adult to meet those needs OR the kid has to "grow up too fast" and resourcefully meet his/her own needs -- this film respected the kids' stories and treated their needs as compellingly as the adults'. Or maybe it showed the adults' needs as being as transparent as children's and treated THEM with enough comedic condescension to even the footing. Hmmm. . . maybe that's it. Well, whatever. It's a fantastic flick. I loved the pacing of it too, starting out with so much chaos and gradually smoothing out the bumps a bit instead of having the climax towards the end of the movie. It's kind of like a hippy version of Parenthood . . . with subtitles and better roles for the kids.

Oh, and in my last entry I didn't mean to say that holidays are meaningless -- not at all . . . Memorial Day in particular has lots of meaning that people would do well to keep in mind. I just meant that countrywide days off of work have very little personal relevancy as an indie webwhore.
posted by Trixie at 5/29/2004 11:10:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
HOLIDAYS MEAN *NOTHING* TO ME
Fridays and holidays don't mean a whole lot to me as a work-at-homer for-myselfer, so if you're wondering what my plans are for Memorial Day . . . I don't have any. It's just more motivation to stay sequestered at home off the roads and all the drunk, partying, nine-to-fivers out on probation. If it weren't for them and all the other people with similar plans, maybe I'd plan to go visit my dad's grave at the national cemetery. It will be two years on June 5th.

I have a bit of a sore throat tonight . . . could be from all that howling I did last night while Tucker was fucking me from behind or maybe I'm just due to come down with something. I haven't been sick much at all over the past . . . huh, like hardly at all since having my wisdom teeth removed about three years ago. Also have some shitty PMS -- when I feel this way the slightest pain and irritation is magnified to tantrum-inducing levels. The feeling of my hair brushing on my neck or face drives me INSANE -- I just want to reach up and rip the shit out of my scalp. Stubbing my toe or suffering other clumsy accidents brings me to whiney toddleresque tears.

Fortunately I haven't been feeling consistently crappy and have actually been pretty relaxed and happy (I thank Tucker for that -- he knows how to medicate my pms keeping me stocked up on chocolate and by soothing my savagery with primal yet loving sex). I kept track of the hours I spent working productively today and that allowed me to really enjoy our evening, knowing in concrete numerical terms that I *did* work hard and had a solid workday under my belt. We treated ourselves to salty carb heaven with buttery garlicky capery cheesy noodles and anchovies (the ultimate junkfood) and shared a chocolate-on-chocolate ice cream dove bar, watching an episode of the repulsively entertaining Sex in the City which prompted a discussion of Miranda's "problem" of encountering a pair of her boyfriend's skidmarked underwear while she was doing his laundry. I cannot relate to those characters, I really can't. If every single pair of a guy's underwear has skidmarks, there's a problem. If you find one pair out of ten loads of laundry -- get the fuck over it, okay? I professed my skidmark resistant love to Tucker and verified that he would still love me if he found a brushstroke of residual poop on a pair of my drawers, then we dove into The Paradine Case.
posted by Trixie at 5/29/2004 12:34:00 AM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
If any of you out there know the authors of (or ARE the authors of) justonebite.com/Dirty Whore Diary and/or True Porn Clerk Stories, could you email me with the best way to get ahold of them/you? This is not me pestering anyone for a link exchange, but someone of interest is trying to get ahold of them/you. Thanks!
posted by Trixie at 5/28/2004 10:29:00 AM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
For those of you who are members to one of our sites (like TastyTrixie.com or SpyOnUs.com) I'll be holding tub time and chat from 11am to noon, Pacific Time with a show following on AmateurCamZ from 12-1 pm, then another show on SCC from 2-3 pm Pacific.

Not sure how those shows will go as Tucker fucked the stuffing out of me last night!! Swollen pussy lips and roughed-up taint ahead . . .
posted by Trixie at 5/28/2004 09:36:00 AM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
WINKING BUTTON
Last week while we waited in line for our movie tickets, I saw a woman round the corner at the end of the block and begin sauntering down the sidewalk towards us. She was Astarte-shaped, wearing a white t-shirt with ample breasts basking atop an even more ample belly. It was firm and there was a shadowed dent in the white t-shirt marking her bellybutton. The dimple laughed and gaped and smiled, winking hypnotically. Until she got in line behind us, I didn't even realize she couldn't have been older than nineteen.

During moments like that, yes . . . the idea of gaining more weight really appeals to me, like ascending to my royal throne after a lifetime of thinking I was a mere peasant. It's eating grapes and being fanned by my menservants. It's presence and grounding. On some women, that kind of belly signifies luxury, power, and confidence.

But bringing myself back to the real world it also means I'd struggle just to tie my own shoes.
posted by Trixie at 5/26/2004 10:58:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
INTERCOURSE-INDUCED CRAMPS
At about five this morning, with dawn barely breaking like upside-down twilight, Tucker reached out for me and both of our sleepy pelvises began blindly rocking. Eventually I wound up on top of him with my shirt off, impaled on his cock with my neck supported and lightly strangled by his hand. Mmmmm -- such an intense feeling at such a speechlessly foggy time of night, I came to a wierd little orgasm and breathlessly collapsed on him. The range of sensations I felt . . . exhaustion, exhileration, arousal, sleepy confusion . . . all combined for the cramps to sneak up on me in such a way that I barely recognized I was feeling pain. Gasping, snuffling, and moaning gave way to little cries and groans. I even felt a couple of waves of nausea as my uterus contracted like a wet dishrag being rung, released, and rung again. It was sharp and demanding -- and I liked it. I liked having his cock still in me, I liked the confusion coming from so much stimulation coming from so many varied sources in a limited frame of time. I liked being able to make gutteral noises and be too fucking sleepy for either of us to analyze what they meant or make words out of them. Fairly quickly the cramps subsided enough for me to wriggle around on his cock until he lifted me off him and he came on his tummy. I got up to pee and get a warm wet towel for his belly, expecting to see that my period started. But it hadn't.

I've only experienced it a few times, but every so often before my period starts, if a cock bumps my cervix it will induce these freaky hard cramps. The first (and worst) time it happened was with my overly-endowed ex-husband. He was nailing me hard (but no harder than other times) and when we finished up, I found myself in the bathroom in a cold sweat about to vomit and scream from DEMANDING hard painful cramps. My theory is that since the cervix starts dilating in preparation for menstruation, the os is a little more vulnerable and one or two thrusts aimed there wind up elliciting big time cramps.

Whatever, they weren't that bad this morning and I actually enjoyed it . . . go figure. I guess it's just such a visceral feeling -- it made me feel very alive.
posted by Trixie at 5/26/2004 10:24:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
PRESSURE
Yesterday while holding my showercam and chat with members, I started to feel the need to go pee. We were holding a fairly innocent conversation in the chatroom, I was enjoying myself, and felt completely unmotivated to get up and go to the bathroom. I just kept right on chatting even after announcing numerous times that I really had to get up and go pee.

After awhile they kept reminding me of it, "don't you have to pee?" I just stayed at the computer chatting and found myself feeling hot and full, like little buzzy currents of energy were tingling in my pelvic region.

Finally I couldn't resist grabbing my magic wand and vibrating myself to orgasm (without putting on a show -- the voyeurs were really fantastic about not pestering me to lower the cam). I am beginning to really love it when all they can see is my face. It makes me feel this dichotomous combination of "in control" and "exposed and vulnerable". Odd.

I don't think I've ever really eroticized having to hold my pee until it hurts. I've fantasized about torturing OTHER people that way, but not myself (and I certainly would not like it if anyone did that to me . . . well, unless it was Tucker because I know and trust him . . . oh wait . . . I *have* fantasized about this a number of times, don't know how it slipped my mind). The danger of a dirty mind: perversion overload.
posted by Trixie at 5/26/2004 10:15:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
S.F. Cops Caught on Porn Website:
"A pay-per-view hardcore porn website uncovered by city officials features a male officer from the San Francisco Police Department and a female officer from the Sheriff’s Department in various sex scenes."
I feel sorry for these cops being scrutinized by their employers for no good reason. Lame.
posted by Trixie at 5/25/2004 12:39:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
I really do like blogcomments, really. I just wish I didn't feel compelled to respond to any of them. I like that they let me know people are reading. I like that they give me an opportunity to get to know WHO is reading. I like that many of them make me feel good. I like that many of them challenge me. I like that some of them remind me of holes in my presentation and/or impulsive rants. I like it when someone says something stupid and other people jump all over the stupid commentator's ass. I like that they offer "teachable moments". I like that they give readers an opportunity to share links to their own journals and give me a way to write back to them (even if I never do). I like that they are a resource to look back on if I ever end up writing more formally on certain topics. I like that they give people a fast way to express themselves. I like that they give my members a chance to quickly communicate with me since not everyone's schedule allows them to be in my chatroom when *I* am in my chatroom. I love when other people articulate and express what I fumble to communicate half-assedly. I like that many of the comments are helpful and offer me and others links to relevant resources or sites. I love that many of the comments make me laugh.

Still, sometimes I just want this to be my journal and weblog rather than something that borders on an interactive forum. I know I am not the only blogger who struggles with this - it's especially difficult to weigh the pros and cons when it's part of my "business"/paysite.
posted by Trixie at 5/25/2004 11:48:00 AM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
CSS
Yesterday I signed up for this free online tutorial on Cascading Style Sheets. It's the same as every other free resource site only they break it down into a little syllabus which is good for me; having Attention Deficit Disorder causes me to get overwhelmed by "let's learn the whole thing today!"

I am even making little flash cards.

Anyway, should help me make better visual presentations online more efficiently. So far I've just been trying to pick up CSS by copying and tweaking other people's code. It's been a good intro but I need to be able to do it from scratch, especially since everyone else's style sheets are so different -- it's hard for me to learn by imitation since the way it LOOKS isn't very standardized which confuses me to no end.
posted by Trixie at 5/25/2004 11:02:00 AM - 0 comments - links to this post

 

posted by Trixie at 5/25/2004 10:24:00 AM - 0 comments - links to this post

 

posted by Trixie at 5/25/2004 10:20:00 AM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
Bush Losing Support on Iraq, Poll Finds (washingtonpost.com):
"Public approval of President Bush's handling of the conflict in Iraq has hit its lowest point "
Still, it's mind-boggling and disturbing how many people still support him, how many people will still vote for him, how many Republicans will ABSTAIN from voting for him but won't cast a decisive vote AGAINST him, and how many fuckers will vote for Nader because they can't get their priorities straight. Bush is a dangerous buffoon - anyone who says voting for Kerry is no different than voting for Bush has his head up his ass on this particular point.
posted by Trixie at 5/24/2004 03:36:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
PMS TIME
Yes, it's that time of month again. Guess you already figured that out from the audio post(s) below.

Anyway, just wanted to make a quick post. After my complaining yesterday I took a brisk walk in the beautiful rain. One of the things I miss most about living in the rainshadow is lots of rain. I spent 29 years living in two rainy towns in Western Washington -- moving to this little microclimate with lots of sunshine has been splendid but part of me feels out of my element and thirsty for gloom. I love the solitude of being soaking wet under a grey sky.

Just a brief clarification on the will-write-more-about post below: I do not modify my body for other people or to satisfy market trends. I do know that whatever I CHOOSE to do because I *want* to do it will FIND an appreciative audience. I and my site(s) have changed a lot in the few years I've been doing this and will continue to do so. I can think of a lot more significant changes (like going from fucking one to five different guys in a week to moving in with Tucker and fucking only him 99.5% of the time, or like decreasing the number of hours I spend in chat from thirty a week down to less than ten, etc.) than me packing on a few extra pounds.

If I modified my appearance based on what is "easy" and followed other people's formula for making profitable porn I would shave my fucking snatch bald. It's pretty motherfucking wearing to hear the same stupid questions, "suggestions", etc. from consumers (sorry to use that anonymous word, but it's usually from people who don't know me and haven't had me ream their fucking ass out yet for such retarded questions - in that case they are just "consumers" in my head rather than fans, members, and/or individuals) over and over and over again: "have you thought about shaving?", "are you planning to shave?", or the worst, "I'd love to shave you, baby" are enough to make me want to (delete delete delete).

And no, I don't make tons of money by capitalizing on the hair fetishists because I don't promise to KEEP my furry beaver or maintain it at its most unruly proportions. It's just as grating to field questions about why I *did* shave or trim it. It's my pussy and I will groom or not groom it as I desire. I love the fans and viewers who make a point of complimenting my state of hairiness when it reaches whatever point they like, rather than critiquing it when it strays from their ideal. Most guys who enjoy watching me seem to be mildly appreciative and refreshed by the variety since bald twats are the default porn pussy. It's nice to remind everyone that HAIR DOES GROW DOWN THERE.

Anyway, I do know that what is best for business and best for me is to DO WHAT I WANT. Determining what I want, however, requires some thought, consideration, and examination. I need to think about whether or not I want to weigh 20-25 pounds more than I did two years ago (I'm 5'2" and 25 pounds is like gaining 1/3 of my body weight - that's significant for me even if it would not be to someone who is 5'8" or someone who is bigger-boned than I am).



I hate this whole entire entry. Maybe because I have pms but mostly because it's all about warding off other people's confusion rather than digging into my current feelings and trying on different ideas. I hate that I can't make enough time to engage in good dialogue AND move forward with my own trains of thought. I hate that I worry so much about being misunderstood (because of what other people bring to the table AND because of what I've miscommunicated, written poorly or incompletely).
posted by Trixie at 5/24/2004 12:38:00 AM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
If our connection comes back full force, Delia will be doing shows on iFriends tonight. Woohoo!


posted by Trixie at 5/22/2004 02:32:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 

posted by Trixie at 5/22/2004 01:34:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 

posted by Trixie at 5/22/2004 01:25:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
MORE ON MORE TO COME
I have a lot of personal writing and reflection to do on my maturing body. Topics to explore: branding, comfort, "beauty", perception, aging, confidence, attraction, style, etc.

Everyone distinguishes between "young Elvis" and "fat Elvis".

When I talk about myself as a business commodity, I know it makes a lot of people uncomfortable. This frustrates me because *I* am not uncomfortable thinking of myself in that way since *I* am in charge of my business so ultimately, it all boils down to doing what satisfies and feels good to me. Other people worry that I'll compromise myself for money or change myself to be what I think *other* people want. Don't worry, I won't change myself for money. But I *will* choose what I emphasize and de-emphasize because part of what I want in life is MONEY. Admit it, you want it too. And if you can't admit it, you have issues. Frankly I think you're selfish if you don't want money because if you're such a good person, you could do good things for other people with money, now couldn't you?! People who think they don't want money really just don't want the responsibility that comes with it, don't want to lose their identity based on being the white trash underdog, and don't want to feel guilty for having something they grew up resenting OTHER people for having. Does it sound like I'm arguing with someone? Well, I am. I'm arguing with myself because I am still uncomfortable allowing myself to want lots of money. Yeah, the whole money thing is yet another issue for writing and reflection. Anyway, I don't have lots of money right now -- I just have lots of debt -- so you don't have to worry about whether or not you should hate me or be jealous

Anyway, what I *will* do is refine and examine what *I* want, ask myself who my "self" really is (because come one, people change and grow . . . myself included and this is a GOOD thing!), determine who I want to be (because it's healthy to be mutable), and yes, figure out how to properly market myself. It's not just a sex worker thing, it's an EVERY FUCKING BODY thing. EVERY person who gets a paycheck of any kind markets THEMSELVES to somebody be it in a cover letter, an interview, or just by taking a shower before going to work when you'd rather stay the fuck in bed.

The practical gist of this vague entry is that I've been gaining weight and I need to figure out if I'm enjoying that enough to work more chubbiness into my business plan. This is not a matter of me hating my body, but of weighing (ahem) the pros and cons of being softer and butterier on a business and personal level. Also, I am at a time in my life where it's natural to be assessing who I am and settling into myself. I want to make sure to think in concrete terms about who I am, what I want, and make sure my "image" and style on my websites are in keeping with that. I want to figure out what is most important to me so I can trim out little distractions that aren't "me". Just as an example (a little tiny one), last year I decided I am not interested in dressing up as a schoolgirl for photo or video shoots. I think it looks fucking ludicrous. I would do it for a private paying viewer, and I will still role play the youthful "girl" for personal fun without dressing up in a pleated skirt, and I had fun doing the few shoots I did in that garb, but I have no more desire to permanently record myself in pictures playing that game. I feel much more comfortable and sexy and MYSELF being the naughty grown WOMAN perving out on some younger person ;). I love schoolgirl content -- when someone else is the schoolgirl :)

Another practical reason for thinking about my identity is to plan financially for the visual props necessary to reinforce said identity. I do not have an endless budget so refining and creating my "style" is a big job. Face it, my job is not just sitting on my voyeurcams "being me", a big part of it is presenting a visual representation of "me". No, I'm not intending to have one inflexible narrow identity. I'm just . . . yeah, whatever, you guys are probably as sick of reading this as I am of writing it. I really meant to just say I'll be writing more about this soon.
posted by Trixie at 5/22/2004 10:48:00 AM - 0 comments - links to this post

 



Full Gallery appearing in Tucker's Members-Only area with today's update.
JOIN NOW for access to ALL of his pics (full size) & jack-off vids!
I love the way this gallery of Tucker turned out. I want to start a few photo-only blogs. I want I want I want. ;)
posted by Trixie at 5/21/2004 05:14:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
While I edit some new pics of Tucker we're listening to a Nat King Cole cd I got for free when I was working in a record store. I *love* it. It's the kind of music that totally transports you, feels so exotic and timeless. Of the songs we've reached on the disc so far, my favorites are Blue Gardenia and Song of Delilah. I am only sad I have no recording of him doing my favorite, Nature Boy. Sorry, but the Bowie version doesn't fucking cut it. Anyway, I'm adding this album to a new wishlist I'm making away from Amazon.

I had a good time in both of my shows today. Tonight we're going to a performance art/dance thingy so I need to hurry and edit these pics of Tucker at the woodshed (preview coming up).
posted by Trixie at 5/21/2004 04:09:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
Guardian Unlimited | World Latest | Wisconsin Strip Clubs Register Voters:
"Strip club owners are putting a little bada-bing in the presidential campaign by asking patrons to turn their eyes away from the stage for a moment to fill out a voter registration form - and then vote against President Bush."
Cause for celebration! Woohoo!!
posted by Trixie at 5/20/2004 04:48:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
ADVERTISING
If someone would have given me a peek at all the work outside of masturbating I'd be doing as an indie webwhore, I'm not sure I'd have pursued it. I hate to admit that I was ignorant of the realities of running porn sites . . . but I have to admit it. I really didn't fathom the amount of time it takes to attend to all of the minutae.

Advertising and marketing for even just one porn site is about three full time jobs piled into one and most amateurs don't have the money to invest in hiring people to do this shit. BECAUSE we don't hire other people, we never do have more money since very few people know about our sites without the proper advertising and marketing [Is it wrong/redundant to say, "advertising AND marketing"? I mean, is advertising part of marketing already? See? I sure as fuck don't have a degree or experience in marketing so a professional really could come in handy].

Take the creation of banner ads as an example. It requires good taste, familiarity with the content on the websites (to select the right images), an understanding of graphic design, familiarity with graphics software, understanding of market, web standards, etc. FUCK!! It is time consuming shit, and I don't currently have the skills to do animation, audio, blah blah blah. I can't even describe to you how many hours . . . yes HOURS . . . it's taken me in the past few days just to make these banners:









Even after all that work, I can't say I've done a good job because I have no idea if those ads will be effective as I know nothing about what makes people want to CLICK on an ad. It's all just intuition. Oh sure, I could do lots of tracking and much analyzing of statistics to gauge their effectiveness . . . but that's a whole other job in itself too.

Sometimes I am simply amazed at all of the work we do, as in, "wow!! We are incredibly productive and amazing!" while other times I am just fucking overwhelmed as in, "wow! Look how we're working our asses of and still have a billion fucking things left to do!"

I'm not complaining, because I'm sure with a little more vision and confidence I could raise the funds SOMEHOW to employ at least one other person to do some of the time-consuming work for us and pay for more advertising or do some bartering, etc. Just describing a teensy bit of what it takes to be an indie pornographer.
posted by Trixie at 5/20/2004 12:47:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
WHAM! BAM! I AM! A MAN!:
This morning upon waking I found myself listening to a mental medley of George Michael tunes and acknowledging to myself the sheer beauty of Careless Whisper. Puke if you want to, it *is* kind of funny . . . but TRUE. George Michael wrote fantastic pop standards.

Elvis and George Michael were my childhood's TWO big male celebrity crushes (there was a much longer female list, but I don't think any of them scored higher than Elvis and George Michael on an individual level). I did kind of have a crush on Simon Le Bon and Nick Rhodes (Duran Duran admirers fall into two camps: either you liked the Johns or you liked Simon and Nick), but nothing to compare to Elvis and George.

Anyway, Tucker and I discussed this in bed and I hypothesized that Wham Rap is the most famous and best white rap next to Blondie's Rapture. Wham Rap came out in '82 and Beastie Boys' Licensed to Ill wasn't released until '86. You know you're a child of the 80's when you know all the words to Wham Rap and Paul Revere. Tucker has very little familiarity with Wham -- disappointing as I felt like going through their complete songbook this morning.

I can't believe I have absolutely no Wham! or George Michael on cd (it's all on cassette).
posted by Trixie at 5/20/2004 09:31:00 AM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
Ananova - Childless couple told to try sex:
"A German couple who went to a fertility clinic after eight years of marriage have found out why they are still childless - they weren't having sex."

Hard to believe such ignorance exists in the information age.
posted by Trixie at 5/18/2004 11:09:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
LEST WE FORGET. . .
I certainly didn't mean to give the impression in my last entry that I had no interest in "doing" AmberLily myself. As far as pictures and videos go, we got these during their first visit:


Full Gallery & Videos appearing on TastyTrixie.com & AmberLily.net soon!

During the above encounter I found out firsthand what a sweet mouth (among other things) she has. That made it all the more exciting to watch her oral skills bestowed upon Tucker's cock. She has a very unhurried way of teasing and a relaxed, focused demeanor in bed.

One of the hottest things that happened after the encounter pictured below was just for her and I behind closed doors with no cameras or witnesses. Will I tell you more about it? Perhaps. Later.

I would probably have a lot more girl/girl pictures and videos if I could afford to get together with my friends and enjoy more time with them OFF cam. This is not a situation of me being a prude or old-fashioned about having a few "dates" before sleeping with someone. Rather, it's all about the cameras, and my desire to ENJOY sex not merely exploit it by CAPTURING the whole thing for everyone else's consumption. Again, I could write hundreds of pages about this but time doesn't allow for it right now. If I really LIKED having my picture taken it might be a whole different situation. The point is I strive to maintain a balance between porn production and having sex for the pure simple joy of it without the distraction of a camera (note: our spycams are an exception; those are ignorable so I am happy to have them there and love that people are watching). Fucking while a camera is rolling is not all for myself -- remember how I said I'm selfish? Yeah, I am. When a camera is rolling I feel awkward and self-conscious - neither of those things are particularly sexy. Being BEHIND the camera, . . . well, now that's a whole other story! I'm almost always ready, willing, and able to exploit SOMEONE ELSE! Fortunately other people are much less camera-shy than I. God, I have such huge double standards.

To make a long story short, if you want to see more girl/girl stuff with me in it, a way must be paved for me to get to spend more time with my girlfriends with a balance between nonsexual relaxation, talking shop, private sex, and for-camera sex. Translation: plane tickets between here and Edmonton, and here and Tennessee must be purchased along with two weeks of stress-free time away from the computer for all of us. :)

Upcoming Events for Members:
Showercam & Chat Monday 11 am to 2 pm Pacific Time.
Click on the SpyOnYou link on Members-Only page.
JOIN NOW for access.
posted by Trixie at 5/17/2004 09:36:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
HUNDREDS OF PAGES WOULDN'T SUFFICE . . .
. . . to describe the fun we had last night, analyze all of the reasons why I enjoyed it so much, share related fantasies, and convey how aroused I have been ever since.


Full Gallery appearing someday on SpyOnUs.com Members area and at AmberLily.net.

Awhile back (I can't remember when I wrote it so can't point you to the entry) I tried to share some of my own mental wanderings around things like swinging and open relationships. I have a hard time thinking of myself as a "swinger" but that's probably because I'm afraid of being stereotyped. Pretty funny that I call myself a "whore" but am uncomfortable calling myself a "swinger". As with almost all labels used to describe sexual preferences and practices, using them tends to make people think you're insatiable in regards to said preferences and practices. People make the leap from being "open" to something, to doing something on a regular or even compulsive basis. For example, people often assume that someone who is bisexual or pansexual isn't monogamous.

Well whatever. I really love watching other people. I really love watching people I love. I really love watching people touching and fucking. While I love being in on the action, participating does not satisfy my voyeuristic desires and participating is not always what I want. I admit, laziness and insecurity may contribute to my voyeuristic tendencies, but avoiding the hard work of performing thoughtfully is only part of my motivation. I loved being able to watch the person I love experiencing and giving pleasure with both of my eyes open. I never get enough of just watching him and staring at him. Being in his arms is only one way of seeing him . . . and I want to see him from every direction. I guess I should mention that last night was the first time I've seen Tucker having sex with another person (unless you count that blowjob he got from my friend Ewan).

Another element of pleasuretaking in partner sharing is power and wealth. I feel like a powerful woman with a pleasure-giving slave that everyone wants to have. Because I possess him, I am thrilled to so generously share him. I know, it's totally silly but I love it. It's my own silly private power trip. It's like, "look at my fancy expensive car!! You can't have it, but I know you'd love to take a ride -- go ahead! Climb behind the wheel and feel the power!" I don't think of it on such a conscious, overt level, but the FEELING of what I'm describing is there.

There are a couple of reasons I might thrill at these feelings of wealth and "generosity". One is that I grew up being labeled the selfish one in my family. I am STILL very "selfish" in that I very very rarely agree to doing things I do not want to do or give of myself when it is not convenient and mutually beneficial to me. I refuse to let people guilt me into giving and I steer clear of getting obligated to other people. I *do* love giving, but not when it depletes resources of time, energy or (less so) money that I need. So I fantasize about having a lot of EXTRA. Extra power, extra money, extra permission for OTHER people to go ahead and be "selfish", extra space in my home for friends and family to be safe and unobligated to the rest of the world . . . extra love. Another reason I have the whole bitch-with-extra fantasy is probably that I never had money growing up and I never had boyfriends in school so I love the idea of having such a desireable one now. Seeing other people fuck him is a manifestation of that desireability.

I should elaborate on all of this, but it's getting late and I want to read a book, and this is the kind of entry that kind of makes me tired thinking how other people might respond to it or analyze me after reading it. So yeah, if you comment please make it about yourself, how much you too would love to see AmberLily and Tucker fucking, or something like that, not "have you thought that this might be a symptom of a deeper longing to unite with your higher self cradled in the arms of the oversoul?" or anything like that.
posted by Trixie at 5/16/2004 10:38:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
Yes, AmberLily and her husband Tiny are here for another night . . . and yes, cameras were cracked out . . . and yes, many still and moving images were captured. You'll just have to wait to hear about them and see for yourself as we have water heating on the stove for goodnight tea. ;)
posted by Trixie at 5/15/2004 11:22:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
7TH CAM ADDED
Woohoo!! Thanks to the usb 2.0 cardbus I got for the laptop, we were able to add a seventh spycam: the much-desired permanent "potty cam". I'm still not sure how I feel about people watching me wipe my ass so I might have to close the door for those special moments. I just don't want people to see that it sometimes takes me seven passes to get all of the grunge out.

Speaking of clean-up, I'll be conducting tub time & chat from 1-2 pacific, then doing my show from 2-3, and then sometime this evening our special company will be here -- woohoo!! I imagine AmberLily and her husband will close the door against the cam when on the potty, but you never know what you might see.
posted by Trixie at 5/14/2004 12:08:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
Mistress Matisse's Dinner with a Colleague:
"'I have him sit down on the couch in the living room and ask him to wait for a few minutes. I leave the room for, oh, maybe five minutes. When I come back into the room-' she leans forward for emphasis, 'he's rearranging all my fucking furniture.'"
posted by Trixie at 5/14/2004 09:48:00 AM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
Just a quick note to mention that news flash is still on for tonight, but we've cancelled Tucker's show for tonight and probably next week too until we can get him onto a cam network that has more boy-crazy traffic.
posted by Trixie at 5/13/2004 06:26:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
THE NINE TAILORS
After describing my state of solitude to you in my last post, I searched high and low in our house for an unread book to take to bed with me. The Nine Tailors was a PERFECT choice. I've never read much mystery; in fact, I don't think I've ever finished a book that was marketed as a mystery. Mysteries seem to introduce too many characters for me to keep them all straight. I seem to be coping with this one although I doubt I'll be able to guess whodunit. I turned on my "electrifying thunderstorms" cd to drown out the sound of David Bowie accompanying Delia's camshow, and cozied in with the book which delighted me with comforting descriptions of shelter from snow, sweet characters, the smells of an old church, and hot tea with buttered muffins. When Lord Peter Wimsey remarked, "this is so jolly!" I agreed wholeheartedly.

Yesterday I felt totally conflicted about going shopping for that fucking modem, knowing that a new one probably wouldn't do a damn thing to solve our recent speed problem. But I went anyway and enjoyed the drive. I found myself leaking tears listening to Tracy Chapman singing "Talkin 'bout a Revolution" (I know, I'm a total sap) then I got stuck on the bridge and entertained bizarre fantasies of promoting my websites to all of the people waiting in line.

When I finally arrived at the big shopping burb I rejoiced at the opportunity to eat at TWO of our favorite (but locally unavailable) fast food joints. Through careful planning I decided to have a grilled stuffed chicken burrito at Taco Bell, do more shopping, then go get some pho. After blowing $180 at Best Buy I decided to skip the pho and just head the fuck home. Yeah, I know it wasn't a ton of money considering the damage one can do to her wallet at Best Buy . . . but I have been spending too much money on improvements lately as it is. I LOVE shopping for gadgetry, music, games, etc. I HATE shopping for clothes (unless they are for Tucker or Delia - I LOVE shopping for them).

On the ride home I fantasized about alternative lifestyles. By "alternative lifestyle" I don't mean free pansexual swinging 24-7, I mean packing most of our stuff into storage and hitting the road in an rv and updating our sites from the road, possibly canning the cams or finding out more about the dish option for an internet connection so we could keep them going. Don't worry, it's just a fantasy. But if we didn't have the cams I would probably have already done this.

When I got home the new monitor was waiting and it felt like Christmas!! Good movies from Netflix, a new game for the PS2, the new usb 2.0 cards for two of our machines, and other crap I'd brought home with me . . . wow, I don't know if I could give all that up for the life of a vagabond webwhore.

Tucker ate while I played Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (yeah, rather than splurging on the newer Return of the King, I made my first PS2 game purchase a tiny bit retro).

And then, Tucker and I started making out on the couch. After a lot of dry humping we wound up fucking to the $9.99 Joss Stone cd I spotted on an endcap at Best Fucking Buy.

After THAT we started watching The Cooler which is turning out to be a bit of a disappointment, but still unique and groovy.

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posted by Trixie at 5/13/2004 09:10:00 AM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
NO ONE TO CALL
I've been living in this town with Tucker for a year and a half and tonight is the FIRST night I've wished I had a local friend to call up and hang out with. That's right, I have no hang-out friends in town and up until now haven't even realized it. Well, I do have a few church friends now but haven't made the leap to "hanging out". There is one I would call, but she has a dog that I'm semi-allergic to and I know she's an early riser and I need a night-owl buddy.

The reason I find myself at loose ends is Delia is working on iFriends tonight. Hmmm. Well, I will enjoy having a big bowlful of soup and sequestering myself in the ballroom with a book. Maybe I'll take a drive . . .

Oh, if our feeds seem to be slow we are working on remedying it. Our cable company is saying its our modem causing the problem SO I'm going to go buy a new modem tomorrow. I don't really understand how a shitty modem would just SLOW us down rather than bringing us to a screeching halt, but whatever, I should have bought one months ago when they started charging me $9 a month to rent theirs. And if the new modem doesn't solve the problem . . . well then we'll try a different approach. Anyone have suggestions on what kind of modem to buy? The tech guy said to stay away from D-link. And how much is this going to run me? I have been spending all kinds of money I don't have already.
posted by Trixie at 5/11/2004 08:47:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
338,450 . . .
. . . is the number of a) my pubic hairs, b) orgasms I've had in my lifetime, c) sperm in each of Tucker's loads, or d) the number of words I've posted via Blogger?
posted by Trixie at 5/10/2004 07:32:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
UNIMAGINATIVE TITLES


Full Gallery appearing now in my Members-Only area!
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The picture above is taken from the "Black Waist Cincher Gallery". Yeah, I get REALLY imaginative (NOT) when I cook up those gallery titles. I believe it's one of my major webwhore failings, not devoting enough time to really suss out the "feeling" of each gallery and come up with subtle, evocative titles. And when I think of it that way, it forces me to acknowledge that my GALLERIES aren't all that imaginative and creative.

On the bright side, I think I'm teaching many men the proper names for women's clothing. I hate it when guys don't know the different between a skirt, dress, and slip. Corset vs. waist cincher. Stockings vs. thigh highs. Pumps vs. sandals.

And FABRICS!! Because of my unimaginative gallery titles, I'll bet a lot of guys have been introduced to fabrics like tulle, satin, wool, flannel . . . oh shit. It appears that my wardrobe is severely lacking in the glamour fabric department.

But COLOR!! I make sure they can differentiate between red, yellow, orange, and black. FUCK!! Looking back on my gallery titles and wardrobe I must confess that I probably haven't worn any colors that stray out of the major rainbow groups except for maybe teal and pink so I doubt I've expanded anybody's color horizons. Fuck.

Now hiring: gallery titlemakers. And wardrobe consultants.
posted by Trixie at 5/10/2004 04:50:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 

Full Gallery appearing in my Members-Only area with Monday 5/10 update.
JOIN NOW for access to ALL of my pics (full size) & vids!

Working on finishing another gallery featuring my big boobs, freckles, furry muff, garters, stockings -- you probably get the idea from the picture, eh?

Okay, so another thing . . . now that I have another hard drive I ALSO suddenly have enough room to organize more mp3's which means it will be easier for me to add new playlists to my "radio" station, The Human Condition. I have some magical goodnighty music playing right now and I'll leave it up for awhile before moving it to a limited scheduled bedtime.

Last night if you saw me in bed crying, it's because I just finished reading Bastard out of Carolina. Then I followed it up by picking up The Heart is a Lonely Hunter (one of my faves AND the current Oprah's Book Club selection so I thought I'd re-read it. It was nice to get in some crying time while Delia was working on iFriends.

After Delia worked all night long and took off her feminine attire, s/he was hungry for pussy. Eventually I wound up having a fantastic orgasm from a combination of digital anal penetration, pussy licking, and my own speedy fingers on my clit. After that, I wound up on top with his cock in me and that lovely finger of his in my ass again . . . and another orgasm. Yummy!!

Then I fell back to sleep and had a bad dream. I was at my grandparents' old house trying to program a dvd player to replay over and over a certain scene I wanted to masturbate to, but my grandpa was alive in the dream and he came home while I was busy doing this. He didn't even notice what I was up to because he had terrible news: "The bombs are on the way." The end was coming . . . we ran outside and already half the sky was in shadow. I mourned the fact that my sister and Tucker and my mom were far away and I wouldn't be able to be with them when we died. I tried to resign myself to it and achieve some peace as I wondered if I'd be killed quickly and painlessly or if I'd feel my body on fire.

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Labels: dreams

posted by Trixie at 5/09/2004 10:52:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 

Full Gallery appearing in my Members-Only area with Monday 5/10 update.
JOIN NOW for access to ALL of my pics (full size) & vids!

Sad confession of the day: I must enjoy arguing with people more than I enjoy polite, affirming, joyful communication. I'm sorry about that. It's just more entertaining. Must work on turning that around as it makes me feel I have far too much in common with people who spend their Friday nights sending me unsolicited email full of sentiments like these:

I am just waiting for the day your site falls off the net. Not because I will gloat, but just because I have an inate[sic] curiosity and wonder exactly when it will happen. I know it will piss you off only because you know that I know it will happen. I hate to see kids wasting the most productive years of their lives on dead ends. You see I saw the world, did interesting things, hit the best of the best and only now am I doing this. You, however, will only ever know this. And not even the best of this. It is so sad. You see money is important. If at this time of your life you are not making at least a hundred thousand a year, where will you be in twenty years? Scarey[sic] thought. Don't you wish you had actually listened to me?"

In many ways, this type of hate mail is just more motivating to me than compliments. BAD Trixie!!

Anyway, my sites will never fall off the net. The only way they will come down is if they are forcibly removed by the strong, hideously deformed and irrational arm of the law. I suspect in twenty years I will STILL be happier than anyone claiming to make tons of money who spends his free time sending people email trying to make me feel shitty and concede defeat.
posted by Trixie at 5/08/2004 12:48:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
A couple of events for my members beginning momentarily:

Tub Time, primping and chat 1-2 pm, then my show on Sex Cam Central from 2-3 pm pacific.


posted by Trixie at 5/07/2004 12:56:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
Disregard previous post: all fixed!
posted by Trixie at 5/06/2004 08:06:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
There appears to be a tech problem with the link to the site with our voyeurcams. I have just called their tech guy and hope it will be remedied soon. Fortunately members can still see Tucker's upcoming show via the link to SexCamCentral on our members-only pages.
posted by Trixie at 5/06/2004 07:58:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
I'm fighting the temptation to take a nap . . . not sure I'll win. News Flash coming up in an hour (7:30 pm pacific) and Tucker's show is at 9 pm pacific. In the meantime check out this entry of The houseboy Files.

My penpal sent me a link to one of his iTune playlists with background music appropriate for writing. I still haven't found the perfect soundtrack to accompany me in the geekier aspects of my work, but the Twin Peak Soundtrack is a favorite. I just popped in my old Silvertone cassette and it's good work music for me too. Not half bad for napping either.
posted by Trixie at 5/06/2004 06:25:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
FCC Swamped With Oprah Indecency Complaints - May 4, 2004:
"In the wake of an Oprah Winfrey show that included explicit talk about teen sexuality (and addressed topics such as rainbows and getting one's salad tossed), the Federal Communications Commission received more than 1600 letters complaining about the racy March 18 broadcast and demanding that the talk show host be cited for indecency."

Hahaha!! Finally!! I truly admire Oprah, but I'm excited people are directing attention towards the double standard employed in judging what is obscene and indecent.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's truly bizarre that women will leave Oprah book club selections (which 8 out of 10 times include graphic descriptions of rape, incest, abuse, etc.) laying around on their coffee tables for their kids to pick up, but will devote whole sob-story episodes to the evils of porn. Can you say, "hypocrisy"?
posted by Trixie at 5/05/2004 11:25:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
Safe For Work Porn by Edouard Lev
Provided for you as an alternative to my rarely work-safe blog.
posted by Trixie at 5/05/2004 10:06:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
EXPENSES
This may be totally boring to everyone else, but it's the reality of running a website/camsite. Here are a few of the business-related things I've spent money on in the past few days:

Another NEC flat panel LCD monitor - $285 on eBay
Tucker cannot do a good job of photo editing on the laptop so we really need this - plus it is a start towards building him a new machine. I wanted a bigger monitor (this one's a 15" like the one I use with my desktop), but this was a more budgetable amount while still getting the quality we need for editing photos.

USB 2 Cardbus and USB 2 & Firewire Combo Card - $83.87
I'm HOPING upgrading to USB 2 on both the laptop and the laptop will enable us to run more voyeur cams (because 6 just isn't enough!). In any case, the firewire ports will simplify things for doing shows, I hope.

Classified advtersing for SpyOnUs in the LA Weekly - $89
This will be the first ad I've placed in a weekly rag -- I'm curious if we'll get any results. I chose the LA Weekly assuming it is read by a lot of people, but I really don't know. I steered clear of places where we have friends and family so I'm kind of blind to what papers would yield the best results. Since we run a voyeurcam site I thought it would also be best to try advertising on the west coast since those subscriptions (if we get any) might retain better since their sleep schedules will mesh better with our own. If anyone has suggestions for advertising please post a comment or get in touch with me. Better yet, mail me a copy of a paper with adult ads from your neck of the woods.

I won't tell you how much money we have/haven't made this week though to offset those expenses. Sigh. Oh well, you have to spend money to make money, right? ;-)
posted by Trixie at 5/05/2004 12:19:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
MASTURBATION ON THE SLY
A couple of days ago Tucker and I uploaded some of Delia's hot videos for exhibition on iFriends. I got so aroused watching those videos again that I just wanted to grab my hitachi wand and spend a few moments alone. I'm talking MOMENTS -- that's all I wanted. But I didn't want do it with Tucker there -- it was purely a quickie masturbation thing I needed. I kept watching the video later, but he was home and I didn't want to crack out the wand.

The next day while he was at the gym and I was holding a chat session, I couldn't resist anymore but I still wanted to just masturbate with no one else watching. So I grabbed my wand, kept the cam aimed well above action-level, and gave myself a couple quickie orgasms with voyeurs only being able to see my face. A few of them knew what was happening, and I think a few were completely clueless.

The night before that, when Delia was having her first real session on iFriends, I was enjoying sitting in the other room watching her from a strictly voyeuristic perspective, but a cam was on me too. It only took one or two requests (ex. "show us your tits, Trixie") directed at me for me to do something I rarely do: I turned the cam away from me and pointed it at the corner of the room. I wanted to enjoy voyeuring Delia the same way everyone else in the chatroom was: without being a source of entertainment or amusement myself. I wanted Delia to do the entertaining/amusing and I just wanted to WATCH and chat. So I did, and I felt a bit triumphant, turning that cam away.

I love being voyeured. I just love being a voyeur more WITHOUT fielding requests and questions and demands.

Having Delia hosting chat sessions is fantastic for more than my own voyeuristic reasons: it also frees me from so many chat hours so that I can have uninterrupted time to work work work and just do what I want, when I want to do it. So yesterday and today I myself scheduled nothing in the chatroom and frankly I think the most worth-watching thing I've done all week was spend last night drinking tea in bed with the dog and getting love and cuddles from her while Delia was working. No, it's not the same as having sex on cam but it's very comforting to see someone reading a book or enjoying the companionship of a dog on cam.
posted by Trixie at 5/05/2004 09:12:00 AM - 0 comments - links to this post

 

Full Gallery is in my Members-Only area
JOIN NOW for access to ALL of my pics (full size) & vids!

Today Tucker and I went shopping for Mother's Day cards. SUCH a challenge, trying to find a card that says "I love and appreciate you" without saying "you're SO perfect, Mom". Tucker opted for a blank card with a pretty picture for his mom. I looked high and low and ran across a beautifully illustrated cover depicting a countainer overflowing with pink watercolor sweet peas, etc. The inside message simply stated, "Flowers are always beautiful even when no one is looking. Happy Mothers Day."

At first I thought it was funny . . . I showed it to the man next to me who came into the store panicked, asking what DAY Mother's day would happen. He responded, "is that like 'if a tree falls in the forest when no one can hear it does it make a sound?" Then a woman arrived at the card rack, remarking she wanted to find a bland card. I handed her my beautiful flowers discovery. She read it and nodded her head, "that's it. Bland. It doesn't get more bland than that. Perfect!"

We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant afterwards and I couldn't stop thinking about that card. If I were a mom I would be fucking insulted to get that card. "Flowers are always beautiful even when no one is looking. Happy Mothers Day." What the fuck does it mean? "Mom: even when we put you in a nursing home and never visit you you'll still be precious to us". "Mom: I hope this line of pure bullshit placates you on your special day - I'll be out golfing so don't break your hip because I'm leaving my cell at home." "Mom: we have nothing in common and all of the sappy cards included lines of love and admiration that could only be perceived as insincere lies coming from me to you." "Mom: I don't want to talk so I hope this deep thought throws you off the trail and you can't imagine calling me up to thank me for my 'thoughtfulness'."

Fortunately I still call my mom "Mommy" so I can get away with buying her those 99 cent kiddy-cards with the big fuzzy ducks and silly rhymes.

Tomorrow (Tuesday) I am going to . . . ummm. . . what the fuck am I going to do tomorrow? Lots of things I *should* do. Overwhelming amounts actually. Hmmmm. But what I really want to do is go pick up a nice used copy of An American Tragedy. I am sad that I accidentally left Strangers on a Train at the women's retreat. It was a perfect read.

After engaging in a chat about politics (i.e. talking about how much I hate GW) in my voyeurcam chatroom today I got into the shower after driving the republicans out of chat and thought about ways I could be more . . . diplomatic and less divisive while still retaining my own integrity and identity without succombing to the old and STUPID avoidance tactic. I don't think it's "polite" to steer clear of controversial topics. I don't think life should be dumbed-down to conflict-free conversation devoid of sharp edges. We should not have to make our communication with one another child-safe. Still, I could stand to improve THE WAY I talk about inflammatory topics. You know, I'd like to talk about inflammatory topics in a way that makes everyone eventually AGREE WITH ME. Hehehe.
posted by Trixie at 5/03/2004 11:51:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
Mmmmm! We just had a late dinner of cheese, grapes, pineapple, and crackers while watching part of And God Created Woman which modestly (and so much more naughtily than hardcore) includes bits of interracial, foot worship, trampling, cuckolding, and financial slavery (just to name a few hot buttons).


Full Gallery appearing in my Members-Only area with Monday 5/3 update.
JOIN NOW for access to ALL of my pics (full size) & vids!

I am trying to read Bastard out of Carolina but it's just too fucking traumatic - I find myself avoiding it. The older I get, the more I crave "light-hearted" entertainment. Reading fictional accounts of molestation and severe child abuse doesn't qualify as "entertainment" for me. When I want to relax with a book I do not want to experience psychological damage. I certainly do not want to read it before I go to sleep.

Speaking of psychological trauma I almost burst into tears listening to a recent episode of This American Life (site's down or I would give you the link) about the horrible state of at least one elementary school in Chicago. While I disagree with compulsory education I firmly believe in free and equal education for ALL. ALL. in our country. In fact, I would love to see a few more years tacked onto the 13 (to be used at any age) and would willingly pay double the taxes to help support it. I have a lot of wacky ideas about public education and one is that ummm. . . you get what you pay for. It doesn't surprise me that our noble fucking soldiers are raping Iraqi POWs with broomsticks. You treat people in this country like shit, send stupid fucking idiots with no education (no, I am NOT saying ALL soldiers are stupid fucking idiots), no ability to speak the language, etc. to another country where people hate them and pay them shit to do it . . . well, seems like a recipe for disaster. I am by no means excusing the behavior of those assholes; on the contrary I think they are responsible . . . and so are the rest of us if we cannot even teach our citizens the meaning of "human rights" -- what a surprise considering that so many kids' "equal" education consists of going to "schools" that amount to little more than squalid third-world daycare for orphans of the system.

Non sequiter you say? My journal I say. The older I get the more I see connections between things that I don't feel like explaining to other people.

My fruitless repeated rant: it makes me SICK SICK SICK that most of our troops can't speak the language of the people they're supposed to be "helping". If mormons can prepare 18 year old kids for missions with intensive language classes, our fucking armed services should be doing the same. More education, less bombs please. Thanks. How the FUCK are people supposed to resolve conflicts when they CANNOT COMMUNICATE?? By NOT speaking the language we have communicated such a severe disrespect it makes me want to vomit. I consider this to be the BIGGEST source of wrong in our "efforts" over there.

Okay, maybe I'm a little off base here since I don't know all of the details (who could?) of the alleged "abuse". Interrogation has got to be a pretty fine freaky blurry line to walk and I'm not sure it could work at all if there wasn't an element of cruelty involved (and chances are those people do speak the language I assume -- but I don't watch tv so maybe common sense is deluding me). And I'm not sure I want to say that should always be forbidden. I mean, I'm sure it would be cruel to do what I'd like to do to rich fuckers who cry about paying taxes while kids in our country SUFFER -- for example, I'd like to zap them down to child size and make them go to that shitty underfunded "school" in Chicago for a month and see how they like it.

Another concession for the flip side: I think it's ludicrous to compare taking pictures of naked prisoners in SIMULATED sex acts with each other to the torture and killing perpetrated by Saddam. Please. That's just silly. Rape with a broomstick: comparable. A smattering of humiliation: apples and oranges.

Upcoming Events for Members:
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posted by Trixie at 5/02/2004 11:00:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
"CLICK THE LETTER 'P' FOR PUSSY"
Check out this toplist, RealSpySex, for a bunch of voyeur cam sites AND a truly obnoxious audio track that you will still find irresistible.

"Uhhhhh . . . click me now . . . Uhhhh!"

You may wonder if I ever clicked the letter "p". The answer is no. So if you are brave enough to click the letter p, let us know in the comments section what happened. I have a feeling if I clicked for pussy it would be a let down similar to when I was little and thought if we bought that Dow bathtub cleaner that we would have animated scrubby bubbles zooming around our home.
posted by Trixie at 5/02/2004 12:02:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
audio post powered by audblog
posted by Trixie at 5/01/2004 09:20:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
Oops! I misspelled her name on my last entry. She is ON FIRE already with a guy jacking off for her:



I fucking LOVE being the pimp!!!


posted by Trixie at 5/01/2004 09:10:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post

 
My girlfriend DeliaCD is going to be playing on cam tonight SO you're welcome to spy on her on our voyeurcams OR get a show from her here:



I will probably be spying on her too. I love to watch Tucker on cam from the other room. He/she is a total show-off.
posted by Trixie at 5/01/2004 07:29:00 PM - 0 comments - links to this post